


Everything To Lose (The Sequel)

by clexa_is_endgame47



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Bisexual Female Character, Clakre and Lexa endgame, Clexa, Drama, Endgame Clarke Griffin/Lexa, F/F, Family Drama, Gay, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Lesbian Character, Modern Setting, clexa au, clexa modern au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2020-08-14 07:40:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 39
Words: 69,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20188690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clexa_is_endgame47/pseuds/clexa_is_endgame47
Summary: Years after they've reconciled their past mistakes and misunderstandings, their children and them have grown older, wiser and stronger, individually and as a family. Clarke and Lexa are married and tragedy strikes just when it shouldn't, just as they were trying to bring some stability in their love life. When Clarke meets with an unfortunate accident, a lot might change for the family and the love they've known. Oh, and there's a new member in the family too.(While this sequel can act as a stand-alone, I do suggest reading the first installment of the story, as I may make some references to their past later on)





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Lexa's eyes opened up a bit and those beautiful blonde tresses of hair were the first thing she saw. She smiled to himself, closed her eyes and buried her face deeper into her hair and took a nice long inhale of that uniquely Clarke scent.

Clarke hummed in her sleep and Lexa pulled her closer to her. Clarke was a little more awake now. She turned her head a little and Lexa nuzzled her nose to her cheek, leaving butterfly kisses all along her face. Clarke smiled and held Lexa’s face to kiss her.

She turned fully now, so that she could properly face Lexa and kissed her firmly. Lexa’s hand wandered down her side and stopped at her waist, and she deepened the kiss. Clarke’s hand slid from Lexa’s shoulder to the back of her neck to play with her lover’s hair, tickling her skin at the nape of her neck and leaving goose bumps in their wake.

Lexa’s hand crept to Clarke’s back and pulled her closer if that was even possible. Their lips disconnected softly and a gentle smile donned them, their foreheads un-willing to let go of each other.

"Good morning beautiful" Lexa said

And Clarke hummed in appreciation "good morning babe"

"I'm guessing you slept well?" Lexa asked

"I did... what time did you get in last night?" Clarke said

“I’m sorry, I know I told you I’d be home by 10, but we got stuck with this one case and by the time we were done it was 2 am”

Clarke closed her eyes and hummed softly. She felt Lexa’s hand move to her abs and lower down to slip into her shorts.

Clarke’s eyes shot open. “Lex!”

“Come on…” Lexa said, letting her lips find Clarke’s again for a chaste kiss “I want to touch you”

Clarke hummed, "We’ve got to get breakfast ready for the kids" Clarke whined, even as Lexa’s fingers found her glistening folds and a breathy gasp left her lips.

"It’s still early…" Lexa said

"Babe, it’s 8 am. Both their alarms would have woken them up by now for scho… AH!”

Clarke turned to lay on her back, as Lexa’s fingers worked her up just right between her legs.

Lexa leaned in to kiss her beautiful wife’s lips again. This time, with an undefeatable passion.

“Yes… right there!” Clarke managed to say between kisses, feeling Lexa’s fingers curl into her while her thumb teased around and across her clit.

Lexa’s lips found Clarke’s neck and sucked violently at her favourite spot, the spot that seemed to set a fire ablaze in Clarke’s veins… her whole body writhed in pleasure, her back arched, her breathy moans got louder, her whispers of Lexa’s name got raspier.

“Clarke! T-shirt! Quick!” Lexa ordered as she lifted her body a little to rest on her free elbow and lean in over her wife’s chest, and just as soon as Clarke lifted her t-shirt up, Lexa’s lips latched on to her breast, setting Clarke on a high.

She came at the mercy of Lexa’s fingers and her warm mouth beautifully working up her nipples.

Clarke chuckled, even as Lexa continued to make love to her breasts…

“Hmmm, c’mere” she said, and tugged Lexa’s face up, so that she could kiss her some more.

“What was that for?” she asked her between kisses.

Lexa kissed her nose and spoke, “Between my work schedule and everything, we just haven’t had the chance to...”

“So you felt bad and that’s why…”

“No I mean, not like out of pity or something…”

Clarke’s face changed. She pulled back a little and said “Lexa, when I called you out on over-working and spending too many hours away from your family, I hope you realize I didn’t mean I miss us having sex.”

“No… yea… I know… but…”

Clarke got out of bed. She hardly put her robe on when there was a knock on the door.

"Mom! Aden's taking too long in the shower again and I need to be early at school today!"

"Come in, honey" Clarke called out

14 year old Madi pushed her parents' bedroom door open and rushed in.

"Thank you"  
she ran to Clarke who was standing beside their bed tying her hair up into a bun and kissed her on the cheek. "I won't take long, I promise"

She was just about to rush into the bathroom when Lexa said "Don't I get a good-morning kiss?"

Clarke quickly says "What? Mine wasn't enough?"

"ewwww TMI!" shouted Madi as she walked to where Lexa was seated on their bed.

"And they never believe me when I tell them I got late cause my mom wanted validation" she grumbled with a smile before planting a kiss on Lexa’s cheek.

"Hey, don't blame me. You got me used to it in the first place" Lexa said back to her as she ran into the bathroom locking the door behind her.

Clarke laughed while she was picking out clothes for herself from their closet. "Well she got over it. You however, miss it."

"I'm not going to deny that" Lexa admitted.

Lexa then got up from the bed and put on her robe too. And quietly tip toed her way to where Clarke was, so engrossed in looking for something good to wear to her gallery today. Lexa caught her by surprise when she wrapped her arms around her and softly began nibbling on her ear.

"Lexa!" Clarke reprimanded because the things her tongue was doing on her skin were simply sinful.

"Come on, you can’t be angry, you know that’s not what I meant"

Clarke turned in Lexa’s embrace and bit her lip and thought for a moment. Lexa wiggled her eyebrows at her.

"Come on..." Lexa pulled her flush against her body... "I know you want me right now just as bad as I want you."

Clarke couldn't help the soft breathy moan that left her lips when she felt the warmth of Lexa’s body, even though their robes.

Just as Clarke was about to say something to Lexa, 13 year old Aden barged into their room saying something about not being able to find his Beatles t-shirt and on suddenly seeing his parents he closed his eyes and turned around.

"Oh my god, Mom! The door was wide open! The least you could have done was shut it so I would have knocked before entering. Now my mind is scarred with that image"

They had parted from each other's arms as soon as they realized he had seen them.

Clarke laughed "Don't be ridiculous Aden, we were doing nothing."

"That's not what 'nothing' looks like" Aden said

Clarke busied herself in the closet again, trying her best to hide her face, but asked. "Any reason why you're here, standing in only a bath towel?"

Lexa sat back down on the bed, and reached out for her phone to check if she received any messages from her law firm.

"Yea, my Beatles t-shirt mom! I can't find it" Aden whined.

"Then wear something else." Clarke replied.

"But I need that one" he said.

"Why that one in particular?" Lexa asked, her face buried in her phone.

"Oh forget it." Aden gave up and rushed out of the room.

"Put some pants on, honey!" Clarke called after him.

"Yea, tell Mom that too"

Clarke laughed and Lexa just made a face.

"He's grown up so fast" Clarke said to her lover

"uhhh... Are we really having that conversation?" Lexa asked.

Clarke threw a pillow at her.  
"I'm serious Lexa. Just look at him. Also, he’s turning out to be just like what you were at about his age."

"The more Lexas the better" Lexa said.   
Clarke smirked.

"Okay, I'm going downstairs to get the coffee started" Clarke kissed Lexa’s forehead and flew out of the room.

5 minutes later, Madi walked out of their bathroom, all dressed up in in her casual look for school. She was drying her hair with the towel and realized that her mom was staring at her.

"What?" she asked. "Is something wrong with what I'm wearing?"

"No no, it's perfect" Lexa said.

"Great." She smiled and continued drying her hair as she walked on to her moms’ dressing table.

"You think mom will mind if I use her moisturizer?"

"No she won't. But you could use mine if you want"

She turned to look at her. "Why am I not surprised you each have different moisturizers."

"Hey, don't ridicule me. I have preferences. And a very unique skin texture. It's kept my skin perfect even though I'm becoming old. And your mom doesn't have any complaints, why should you?"

"ewwww. Mom TMI"

"Okay, that's it. Mind telling me what TMI is?"

She laughed and came over to Lexa and said  
"too much information, mom"

Lexa shook her head teasingly and said "kids these days!"

"oh come on, so we use abbreviations, so what?"

"You’re asking a lawyer 'so what?'"

She thought for a moment and said "touché"

Lexa laughed.

"Well firstly mom, it's the lingo these days. You got to keep with it."

"I see…" Lexa feigned interest.

"And secondly, you're not old." Madi said.

"Thank god I raised at least one of you to massage my ego" Lexa joked

Madi laughed and walked to Lexa and kissed her on the cheek and said "I love you, mom."

"I love you too sweetie. Go get ready for school." Lexa said.

She grabbed Lexa's moisturizing cream off the vanity and rushed out

"Madi!"

She stepped back in "yes mom"

“You’ll always be my angel"

"I thought that's Jake's place now"

"You’re my first"

"Always mom. I'll always be your angel"

That made Lexa smile and Madi rushed out again.

Lexa didn't know what made her ask her that. She blamed this sudden onslaught of emotion on Clarke, for calling her out on the extra hours she’s been doing at work, on not being home on time for dinner, for bringing up the fact that Madi and Aden are growing older now. She just wanted to make sure Madi will always be aware that she was her first little angel. and she knew Clarke was right to demand she talk to her firm about how she needs to be taken off a few cases, it’s just inhumane the kind of work they expect her to do in a day’s time.

Lexa got up now and went in for a shower.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

3 year old Jake Woods was making a fuss to eat his breakfast.

“Come on baby, just a few more spoonfulls to go” Clarke said, pouring 2 cups of coffee while simultaneously keeping an eye on Jake’s bowl of cereal.

“Come on buddy. You ain’t getting taller if you don’t eat your meals” Aden told his little brother as he took his last sip from his glass of orange juice.

“Aden, don’t worry your brother” Clarke scolded and Aden laughed, ruffling Jake’s brown hair.

Clarke took a sip of her coffee, and heard Madi’s hurried steps from the stairs.

“Whoa, someone’s in a hurry” Clarke said.

Madi rushed to Clarke’s side, picked up a toast from the kitchen counter, took a bite, and already having slung her bag over her shoulder, she kissed Clarke’s cheek and said

“Sorry mom, I’ve got to rush. Promised the culture club I’d be early to discuss a project” and she was off.

“Okay but eat something at the cafeteria when you reach school!” Clarke called after her.

Madi was in her last year at middle school- 8th grade, while Aden was in the 7th grade. It was Madi’s last year before she graduated to high school.

Madi had begun to call Clarke ‘momma’ very soon after they talked to the kids about taking a step ahead in their relationship all those years ago. It started one day when Madi was unwell, and Clarke insisted that she slept with them in their bed, and all night long, Clarke kept an eye on the little girl, checking her temperature now and then, humming a lullaby, caressing her face and kissing her forehead.

Lexa had tried to stay up too, but a tiring day at work had taken all her energy out. Sometime in the wee hours of the morning, Madi had cuddled into Clarke’s side and mumbled something.

“How are you feeling baby girl?”

“So much better, momma” Madi had said into her neck, snuggling closer.

Clarke couldn’t help the tear that fell from her eye in that moment. It had little to do with the relief she felt from knowing Madi was feeling better and more to do with the fact that Madi called her ‘momma’ very intentionally. She could feel in Madi’s voice that she had very intently decided to say it.

Clarke kissed over her head and said “that’s good to hear, sleep now, honey” and held her lovingly to her body.

Then on, it was all too perfect and too overwhelming. Even today, her heart does a little jump every time she heard Madi refer to her as mom, it was rather silly, one part of her mind told her, but she didn’t care.

“Is it just me, or did your sister smell just like Lexa?”

“How even am I supposed to answer that mom?” Aden asked with a weird expression.

Clarke threw a paper napkin at his face and he laughed.

Lexa came downstairs, wearing her red plaid shirt and her blue jeans, looking casual as ever

“Let me guess, you don’t have to go to work today?” Clarke asked, handing Lexa her cup of coffee from across the kitchen counter.

“You got that right, Mrs Woods” Lexa replied, keeping her eyes on Clarke and sipping from her coffee.

Even after all these years, it always amused Clarke to hear Lexa call her that. Mrs Clarke Woods. It had been her decision to take Lexa’s name all those years ago when they decided to tie the knot. She wanted Lexa’s name tied to hers, made inseparable, for the world to know Lexa was her wife now, and not just her girlfriend, not just her one and only love, they were a forever now.

“Any chance you can stay away from the gallery today too? Keep me company at home... I could do with a little…”

“NANANANNANNANANNA” Aden closed his ears and started rambling off, not wanting to hear what his moms were planning on doing while the two of them were away at school.

Clarke laughed out loud and Lexa tickled his sides to get him to stop.

“What are you so ashamed of every time we talk about sex?” Lexa asked her son sitting beside her.

“Because, my friends at school are already very amused at the idea of my parents being gay, and so it’s always a topic of discussion with them, I don’t need to know the details from you two”

“Your friends discuss your mom and me at school?” Clarke asked, putting her mug down and looking seriously at Aden.

“Well, don’t get me wrong, of course not in any inappropriate way, just, it’s still something they’re getting used to, having a friend who has two moms instead of a mom and dad.”

Clarke nodded. And Aden felt the need to reassure.

“Not that I have a problem with it, I wouldn’t want it any other way. You two are pretty perfect.” he said with that ever charming smile of his. 

It seemed to ease the tension on Clarke’s face. She reached out and ruffled his hair.

“Okay come on, you need to move before you get late for school” Clarke said.

“You just want have sex with mom after I leave, and before you have to rush to the gallery” Aden teased.

“Oh my god!” Lexa almost spat out her coffee laughing and Aden laughed out loud too when Lexa playfully hit him.

“You are turning too bold for your age, mister.” Clarke warned.

Aden kissed them both on the cheek, grabbed his bag and headed out to get to school on his bicycle.

Lexa sat beside Jake, kissed atop his head and said

“Hey little buddy, do you want me to feed you?”

“Yes mommy!” he replied happily.

“Lex, he should be eating on his own”

“It’s alright, I miss this anyway” She said, looking up at Clarke.

Clarke had a taunt ready at the tip of her tongue

“I know. I know what you’re going to say. I’m working on it okay... I’ll talk to Jade today”

Clarke wiped the cooking station clean and then came around it saying

“I’m going to go shower and get ready while you two finish up here. Could you call the sitter and tell her we won’t be needing her over today?”

“Yea sure babe” Lexa said, while feeling Jake the last spoonful of his breakfast cereal.

Lexa quickly grabbed on to Clarke’s hand to get her to listen.

“I love you”

It brought a smile to Clarke’s face. “You know I love you too” Clarke said before rushing upstairs to get ready.

Half an hour later, Lexa was playing with Jake and his toy train on the living room floor, when Clarke came downstairs in fresh pair of jeans, a tank top and a denim jacket over it. Her hair was still a little damp from the shower and she looked absolutely gorgeous. Lexa smiled. Age really had nothing on her wife. She looked just as extraordinary as the day they tied the knot. Clarke put on her sneakers seated on the stair case itself and then began rambling all the stuff she needed to remind Lexa to do.

Lexa was listening she really was, but more than anything, she just kept thinking about how amazing a life she has, living with the love of her life and their three kids. She really did have it all. And she was grateful. She was going to talk to Jade soon. She hated that she had to spend so many extra hours at the office each day.

Clarke had walked on over to them, kneeled down and covered Jake’s little face with kisses.

“That’s ‘nuf momma!” he whined. And both his moms laughed. Clarke ruffled his hair and got up to leave

“What about my share of kisses?” Lexa asked, getting off the floor and following Clarke to the door.

“You’ll get yours after you talk to Jade today” Clarke said.

“Hold up!” Lexa called out before Clarke could open the door. She turned around.

“How about you try and get home around 4 pm today from the gallery, Jake will be asleep, it’ll be just you and me, I promise, I’ll make it worth your while”

“Lexa…”

“No I know… but you gotta understand Clarke, my job’s paying the bills”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“No, that came out wrong… I didn’t mean that your art doesn’t too. No. that’s not what I meant…” she scrambled to correct herself.

“Lexa, I’m going to ignore what you just insinuated, but why don’t you use your time until 4 pm to think about just how much time you and I have gotten together recently. I miss you, you know”

“Give me some credit, I know I come home late, but I do take care of you in the mornings”

Lexa tried, but soon after she said it, she knew that came out wrong too.

Clarke huffed. “I’ve gotta go, Lex. I’ll see you at 4”

“Babe, I’m sorry. We’ll talk, when you’re back…”

“Yea” Clarke mumbled as she walked towards the elevator. She stood there for a moment, and noticed Lexa was still at the door, staring down at the floor. She walked back to her, placed her hand on her cheek and kissed the other one.

“I’ll be home soon okay?” Clarke said.

Lexa nodded, she wanted to kiss Clarke back, wanted to pull her into her arms and tell her she’ll sort something out, find another law firm, ask for a more defined shift or a limit on the cases she has to take up, she wanted to do something to make this work, but before she could reach out to kiss her back, Clarke had rushed to the elevator that had now reached their floor.

She watched her skip happily into the elevator and off she went.

4 pm. She needs to talk to Jade and find a fix before 4 pm.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

It was 3.30 pm and Clarke received a message on her phone. She was stuck in traffic and so picked up her phone to check.

It was they baby sitter Erica.

“Mrs Woods, your neighbour came over to borrow a screw driver, I hope it’s alight I gave it to her” the text message read.

“Erica, you’re at home today? And yea, that’s fine. Mr Luis always returns stuff.”

“Yea, ummm, your wife... I mean the other Mrs. Woods texted me about 2 hours ago saying something came up and she had to rush to work and needed me to come baby-sit Jake. Until you were home”

Clarke frowned there were no texts from Lexa. And that upset her the most. She made sure to complete all her work in time so that she could go home to her wife at 4 pm. But Lexa wasn’t going to be there.

“Alright, thank you Erica. I’m on my way home, I should be there in 30 minutes. Hope Jake’s not bothering you too much”

“He’s asleep. Like an angel, as always” Erica texted.

Clarke quickly opened up Lexa’s chat window and typed

“The least you could have done was inform me, babe. I had to find out from Erica. Anyway, I’m on my way home. Call me when you see this. I love you.”

Clarke threw her phone into the backseat and sighed. She loved her wife. She loved her to the ends of the earth. She also knew this job was important to her. It was at one of the city’s largest firms and it paid well. Lexa was their star lawyer.

Clarke almost felt guilty every time she thought about wanting Lexa home more often. But truth be told, no one should ever have to work so many hours a day, she could see how it was taking a toll on her wife’s health, mental and physical, and it worried her more than anything. She hated when Lexa felt sick, she hated when she had migraines in the middle of the night and she hated that she would still go to work the next morning having slept just a few hours.

But she also trusted that Lexa loved her and their family more than anything, she trusted that Lexa would make a wise decision in the end. She would do what’s best for them all. And if Lexa needed help figuring that out, she hoped she knew she could always talk to Clarke.

Lexa had been so caught up with work, she hadn’t had the chance to check her phone all day. It was 7pm now and she finally got back to her desk from a 3 hour long meeting in one of the conference rooms only to find there were about 2 missed calls from Clarke, 4 missed calls from an unknown number, 8 missed calls from Raven, and a few messages lined up.

She quickly opened up the texts and checked Clarke’s first.

3.30 pm Clarke:   
The least you could have done was inform me, babe. I had to find out from Erica. Anyway, I’m on my way home. Call me when you see this. I love you.

It confused Lexa at first, but then she realized, the text she had typed out while leaving home that afternoon, she had forgotten to hit send. It was still right there blinking back at her-unsent.

“Clarke, I spoke to Jade. I’ve got big news to give you and I know you’re going to be so happy about it. However, I’ve got some bad news before that: I’ve got to head to work right now. Don’t worry, I’ve called Erica in. I’m so sorry. Also, you don’t need to hurry home at 4, because well, I won’t be thereL. Again, I’m really sorry. But I hope my good news will make up for this, I have a good feeling it will. I love you with all my heart, Clarke Woods.”

There it was. Stupid move, woods. Who types a text and forgets to hit send. 

“Shit!” she exclaimed, as she wiped her face down in frustration. She quickly tired Clarke’s no but it just wouldn’t connect.

She then opened up the remaining texts.

3.45 Raven:

Lexa, call me as soon as you get this.

3.55: Raven:

Lex! Where the fuck are you? Who doesn’t keep their phone on their person at all times!

4.10: Raven

I swear to god Lex. If work is keeping you away from your phone right now! Just call me soon. It’s about Clarke. Please.

Lexa stood up from her chair, her vision was getting blurry. Something felt awfully wrong. She quickly switched to the call log, ignoring all other curse words in Raven’s chat window.

She hit the bar that read 8 missed calls from Raven and called, holding the phone to her ear with a trembling hand her legs felt week, but she had to move, dread was foiling her insides, she could hear the phone ring once.

She pulled her jacket on to one arm, switched her phone to the other hand

Heard the second ring. “Come on Raven, pick up!” she mumbled to herself, in the background she could hear one of her colleagues yell out “Woods, where do you think you’re going?”

Background noise. He was background noise to her right now.

She heard the third ring, and raven picked up before the silence between it and the fourth ring could sound out.

“Dammit Lexa! Where the fuck are you!”

“Rae... what’s going on, where’s Clarke?” she couldn’t feel her legs, but she had a feeling she was running, after having picked up her laptop bag and would it over her shoulder.

“Lex…”Raven broke on a sob.

“What is going on? Speak to me! Clarke’s not answering my phone, she didn’t receive my message, she thinks I didn’t text her…” Lexa knew she was rambling, Raven had no context whatsoever to what she was talking about. But she couldn’t deal with Raven’s silence.

“Lexa! Clarke car met with an accident” Raven finally blurted out.

Lexa felt her blood rush out of her head. She felt faint. If there was anyone around her at that moment, they would have seen her at her palest.

“Please just get here soon, Anya went over to your place as soon as I called her, to relieve Erica and to wait for the kids to come home, but you need to get here now, Woods. Clarke is…”

Lexa could hardly breathe, she doesn’t know how her feet had brought her to the parking lot, sprinting towards her car.

‘Get to Clarke’ a mantra in her head.

“It doesn’t look good, Lex. Please get here soon. I’ll text you the address.” Raven finally said, still holding back a sob.

Lexa couldn’t form words. She was speeding out of the parking lot, the hospital address set on her GPS, her phone buzzing with messages from work, she hadn’t said a word, she didn’t care about that right now.

Clarke met with an accident. It doesn’t look good.

Clarke met with an accident. There were missed calls from Clarke. She tried calling her. She must have been mad because Lexa had to go to work and she hadn’t received Lexa’s message.

Clarke met with an accident. It doesn’t look good. Those missed calls from the unknown number, that must have been the hospital, or the paramedics that acme to the scene. Trying to reach Clarke’s wife.

It doesn’t look good. Tears were streaming down Lexa’s face, even as she made her way to the hospital. Dodging traffic as swiftly as she could, she was being pulled to Clarke right now, she needed to be with her, she needed to make sure she was okay, she would do anything to make sure she was okay.

Clarke. Accident. Doesn’t look good.

Lexa hit her steering wheel in frustration. She couldn’t let anything happen to Clarke. Clarke was her everything. Clarke was her life. Their children’s mom. Clarke was her soulmate. Nothing could happen to her. They promised a forever, they would get their forever, right? Right?

Lexa couldn’t deal waiting for the elevator at the hospital lobby, she took the stairs two at a time, running, she couldn’t see clearly, her eyes were constantly tearing up.

Clarke. Clarke. Clarke. She need to get to Clarke’s side and hold her hand and tell her she’s right there and she’ll make sure she’s okay.

She reached the 5th floor, just as Raven had told her. And in the far distance of the corridor, she spotted Raven pacing. She ran over, almost bumped into a nurse on the way.

“Rae!” she said and raven looked up and closed the distance between them, pulling Lexa into a hug before anything.

“What happened? Where is she! I need to see her!” Lexa pulled out of the embrace and looked around needing to figure out which room she’s in.

“No Lex, listen to me!”

“Where is she Rae, Clarke doesn’t like hospitals, she gets anxious, she’s probably scared, we need to be with her” Lexa was frantically talking.

“Lexa. She’s being operated on as we speak.”

“What?” Lexa stood frozen in place. Raven went up to her and guided her to sit. She then pointed out at the red bulb at the far end of the corridor, beyond the glass doors right next to them.

“She’s in there, and we can’t go in. they’re operating on her right now”

Lexa started hyperventilating. Raven quickly began rubbing her back and helping her to calm down.

“Lex, Lexa, not now. Clarke needs you to stay okay alright, you need to listen to everything I’m going to tell you.”

Once Lexa was able to calm her breathing down, she turned to Raven and asked “Abby?”

She knows. She’s here. The doctors insisted she stay away from the OT. She resisted. She wanted to be in there. But she’s too close to this obviously.

“What happened? How are we here? Why is my wife being operated on?”

Raven took a deep breath.

“I got a call from the hospital a little after 3.30. They said they were calling as I was listed as Clarke’s second emergency contact. They told me she missed a red light and a truck hit her car.”

A pained cry left Lexa’s lips, and Raven pulled her close into her side, letting her bury her face in to her shoulder.

“I came as soon as I could. I tried calling you Lex…”

“I know…”

“I called Abby then, I didn’t know how to tell her but I knew they would need her here. They kept telling me they had to perform surgery on her and they needed family to sign off on it. And I couldn’t reach you Lex. I just couldn’t…

“You did the right thing, Rae” Lexa whispered, feeling even more horrible that she had missed those calls.

They were silent then, both of them just sitting there, waiting.

“Have any of the doctors come out? Have they said anything?” Lexa asked. Before Raven could answer, Lexa saw Abby approaching them.

Lexa stood up, and was engulfed in a hug.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

“Abby, is she going to be okay?” Lexa had tried to keep her voice stable, but a sob that was threatening to make its way out, the fear that she’d been holding back, all of it came through in her voice.

Abby herself looked like she’d been crying, and had now calmed herself down. Her eyes were red and puffy.

“Lexa, her head was hit multiple times when the car turned over” Abby said while holding Lexa’s arms.

Lexa nodded, trying to stay calm, but how could she, all she could see before her eyes was Clarke’s car getting hit by a truck, Clarke’s car turning over and over, Clarke getting hit, Clarke in pain…Clarke under surgery.

“There is no point in trying to figure out what could have been different now. We just have to wait. There was internal bleeding along with some external wounds. She’s in a bad state, honey. We should be ready for anything”

“Abby, how can you say that?” Lexa cried.

“I’m her mom Lexa, but I’m also a doctor. I’m not going to lie to myself when I know the reality of things. You know this hurts me as much as it hurts you.”

“I know…”

Abby looked to Raven “where are the kids?”

“Anya’s bringing them over” Raven said.

“WHAT! NO!” Lexa insisted. “They don’t need to be here. They don’t need to see this. What do they know about what’s happened? What has Anya told them?” Lexa looked worried.

Abby guided her to sit down, “Lexa, they need to be here. She is their mother. If my daughter breathes her last in this hospital today, they need to be here.”

“NO! They don’t. Clarke is not going to breathe her last here. Clarke is going to survive this. She’s strong, SHE’S STRONG ABBY! You know that. She’s been through so much! You know that” lexa argued.

Abby could not stop her own tears now. And Lexa felt horrible. She reached out and held her hands.

“Please, let the kids stay home. I don’t know how to tell them. I don’t know how to explain any of this to them” she pleaded with Abby.

Raven kneeled down by Lexa, and held her, in an attempt to comfort her best friends-lover.

“Lexa, if I was in there fighting for my life, and if there was even a chance I would not make it, would you hide that information from Clarke, wouldn’t you bring her here to be near me?” Abby asked Lexa.

Lexa stayed silent but eventually nodded.

“We’ll be with you when you tell them. I’ll help you explain. They’re strong kids. Jake won’t understand, but at least he needs to know his mom is not well.”

Lexa wiped her tears and nodded. Okay. She would do this. But she was not losing Clarke today. She was convinced.

Raven’s phone beeped. She looked up at Abby and Lexa and said “Anya’s on her way here with the kids. She has only told them Clarke met with an accident and that you’re all here. They don’t know any more than that”

“Alright” Lexa said after a deep exhale.

Abby had disappeared once more to see if she could use her ‘Doctors’ card to check on how the surgery was going. Lexa was seated and silent. And just staring at the floor below her. She felt Raven’s hand reach out to hold hers.

“You’ll need to be strong for them.” she said.

“Why do you think I’m sitting here? I’m rehearsing so many different ways I could tell them about this, about the seriousness of the situation. I’m trying to get my brave face on, but it’s really hard, when I know she’s in there and I could lose her, we could lose her.” Lexa said, getting worked up again.

Raven squeezed her hand and took a deep breath to control her own emotions.

Just then they heard Anya’s voice “There they are” she said.

Lexa and Raven both turned to see, Aden and Madi running towards them, worry etched across their faces, Madi looked like she’d been crying, and Jake was whimpering into Anya’s shoulder.

Lexa didn’t even realize when her ‘mom instinct’ kicked in, it’s like her body knew its next steps, she had no control over it. She stood up and opened her arms and both Aden and Madi latched on to her sides, she held them both tight and kissed atop their heads and whispered

“It’s okay, it’s okay, I’m here, you’re here now, it’s okay” Lexa repeated into their heads, kissing them continuously, hugging them close.

She could feel Madi start to cry, trying to bury her face deeper into her side.

“Hey hey, look at me, both of you…” Lexa softly spoke to them.

Madi finally looked up at her, her eyes were red and teary. Aden’s eyes looked red rimmed, but he was visibly forcing himself to stay strong.

Lexa guided them to sit down on the chairs, and she kneeled before them, grabbing a hand each in hers and squeezing softly.

“I know all of this is scary, and I know you’re worried for your mom, but trust me, if there’s anyone who can pull through even this, it’s your mom. She’s the strongest person I know, and I want you to trust me when I say, she’s going to be okay. She’s going to pull through and we’re going to go back home real soon okay? Okay? Do you trust me Aden?” she asked him particularly.

“I do trust you mom” he said, wiping his eyes.

“And Madi, do you trust me?”

“Of course I do, mom” she said.

“Good. Because no one knows your mom better than I do, and I know she’s going to pull through.”

They both nodded. “Now give me a tight hug, and take a few deep breaths okay, everything will be fine. Mama- Griffin’s here too, and she’ll be with us in some time. I’m just going to get Jake from Anya and I’ll be right with you to explain what’s going on.”

They nodded and Lexa got back up on her feet, kissed their foreheads tenderly and turned to find Raven rubbing Jake’s back as Anya was trying to coax him. Lexa walked on over to them, and Anya whispered to him

“Look here, honey, its mommy. Mommy’s here.”

He turned to look, and his whimpering stopped the minute he saw his mommy’s warm smile.

“Hey there, my little man, c’mere” she took him in her arms and covered his face in kisses until he calmed down.

“Lex, we’re just going to head downstairs to the cafeteria, do you need anything?” Raven asked, her hand slipping behind Anya’s back, to lean into her, Anya herself pulled her into her side and kissed her temple.

“No, I’m good. But can you pick up something for the kids. They’ll be hungry.”

“Of course, don’t worry about it”

“Thanks, Raven” Lexa said, smiling softly.

“I’ve got you, Woods” Raven said with a soft smile. The minute she turned to walk away, Lexa knew she broke down in tears having finally had the comfort of her lover’s arms. Anya would be her strength through this, Lexa was sure of it. She was grateful they had each other.

“How are you doing, big guy?”

“I’m okay. Where’s momma?”

“Momma’s not doing okay honey. But don’t you worry. Mama-Griffin and her doctor friends are working very hard to make sure momma’s going to be fine soon. So don’t you worry your little head about anything, okay?” Lexa said as she kissed his temple.

“Alright.” he said, seeming content with his mommy’s explanation.

“I made momma a get well soon card!” he said excitedly. It’s in my bag.

“Really? Can I see it baby boy?”

“No! It’s for momma’s eyes alone” he insisted.

Lexa chuckled, even as tears were beginning to well up in her eyes again.

“Okay, but you do know your momma will show it to me anyway after you give it to her right, she’ll be super proud of you.”

“I know. Momma always loves my cards.”

“She does. She loves you even more.” Lexa said to him, looking into his ocean blue eyes. Yep, he’d got the best shade of his mother’s oceans.

“I love her too. I love you too, mommy” By now, Lexa had made her way to sit between Aden and Madi, she let Jake sit on her lap and lean into her, she put an arm around Aden and he rested against her side, and Madi leaned in to rest her head on her shoulder.

“Your momma’s the strongest there is. She’ll be just fine. I promise you.” she said to their three little ones who seemed to be breathing easier now that they were here. She herself, felt more at ease, more confident that in some way, Clarke knew they were here. Clarke would make it through, for their sake. She wouldn’t leave them. She wouldn’t leave her.

  
About half an hour later, Jake was sitting in Raven’s lap munching into a cupcake, showing his Get well soon card to Raven who was happily giving him her expert critique.

Lexa looked over at Madi and Aden sitting quietly beside her and asked

“You two doing okay?”

They looked up at her. “Are you alright, mom?” Madi asked.

Lexa smiled softly. “As alright I can be knowing your moms in there and I’m here”

“You didn’t tell us what happened?” Aden said.

Lexa took a deep breath. “Her car got hit by a truck and it turned over. Your mom’s head was hurt and they had to perform surgery cause there was internal bleeding along with external bruises.”

Aden took a deep breath. Lexa hated that he was holding back. She knew how scared he must be. As much as they never liked to differentiate, Aden was their biological child. He’d known Clarke’s love from long before he came into this world. Lexa wanted him to be able to express what he’s feeling without thinking twice about it.

“Hey buddy, you wanna come take a walk with me?”

“Shouldn’t we stay here, in case the doctors come out and we can go see mom”

“They haven’t come out in hours now. A few minutes won’t make a difference. Come on” she reached out for his hand and he took it.

“Madi, stay with Raven, Anya and your little brother okay. We’ll be right back.”

Madi nodded, and went on over to give her expert critique to Jake too.

Lexa wanted to take Aden some place where he felt safe and where he would feel okay to be himself and allow his emotions to take over.

She figured, the quietest, emptiest and most serene place to be right now, would be the hospital’s little chapel.

Right enough, it was almost empty, save for a woman right up front. She led Aden to the last pew and they sat down.

They stayed silent for a while until he asked. “Do you think prayers would work?”

“Right now, baby, I’d try anything.” Lexa admitted truthfully. “But I didn’t bring you here to pray.”

He looked up at her. And she let him see the tears in her eyes. It allowed him to finally break too. He buried his head into her chest and sobbed bitterly. And she tried not to break apart completely, however she couldn’t help the tears rolling down her cheeks, feeling every bit of fear he was holding and now finally letting out.

“I’m scared” he mumbled quietly.

“I know…”

“I want to see her” he said.

“I do too, baby” Lexa told him

She kept rubbing his back soothingly, letting him cry out his fears, kissing in his soft hair.

“You really believe she’ll be okay?” he asked after a long time.

“With all my heart, Aden. I can feel it in me. She’s going to come back home. I know it.”

After a long while, he disconnected from his mom’s arms, wiped at his tears and sat up straight.

“Let’s go back upstairs, I wanna be with Madi and Jake too.”

“of course honey, but promise me, that you won’t hold back when you want to tell me something, or you’re feeling scared or overwhelmed. You don’t need to hide your fears. You mom’s in pain, it’s only natural for you to feel this way.”

“But you’re so strong mom, I don’t wanna be weak.”

“Crying doesn’t make you weak baby. And in times like these, no one expects you to be strong anyway. You’re allowed to be scared. I’ll be the strong one for all of us.”

“But aren’t you scared, mom?”

There it was. The million dollar question. Was she scared? Hell yes she was. There was a 50% chance she could lose the love of her life today. The mother of her children. Her soulmate.

So yes. She was scared. And as much as she wanted to be truthful to her boy, she knew now was the time to play mom more than ever.

“I’m not. Because I know she’ll come through. I didn’t marry just anyone you know. She’s a fighter. And I fell in love with her for it. You know that.”

Aden smiled proudly, stood up and kissed his mother’s cheek.

“I love you”

“I love you too, baby. Come on.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

When Lexa came back upstairs, she saw Abby approaching from the corridor where the operation room was located. She went up to her as did Anya.

Raven made sure the kids stayed put with her, they didn’t need to hear the details.

“What’s going on? How is she? Is the operation over?”

“The most crucial part is over. Now it’s just about patching her up, and making sure she stays stable. She’s going to be under observation in the ICU for a few hours once she’s out of the operation theatre.

“So is she out of danger?” Lexa asked.

“Mostly yes, but we need to wait a few hours to know for sure. Okay?” Abby told her. Lexa nodded.

She was partially relieved. The worse was over right. The complicated surgery was over. They were patching her up. Sending her to intensive care.

Lexa took that moment to pull Abby in for a hug. It seemed she needed it more than anything. Cause her body just leaned in and rested against her.

“You’re tired Abby. You should get some rest. Just sit down for a little while.” Lexa said.

“Would you do it?” Abby said with a soft smile.

“No. not at this moment” Lexa answered truthfully.

“Then you know my answer”

Lexa nodded.

It was 12 am in the morning when they got news that Clarke was out of the OT and in intensive care and out of danger, she was going to be okay. She was being closely monitored and things were looking up. 

Lexa needed a moment alone after the doctor leading the operation gave them the news. She disappeared to the chapel herself and cried her lungs out until Anya came looking for her and held her sob-wracking body close whispering comforting words.

“She’s going to be okay, she survived it. She’s going to come home” Anya repeated like a mantra in her head, needing her to be okay.

Soon enough, Lexa insisted that the kids go home and sleep, and they could come back to see Clarke if the docs permitted it in the morning. Anya convinced Raven to go with them because she needed the rest too.

Lexa wasn’t going to leave. So Raven was going to bring her a change of clothes when she came by in the morning, and an overnight bag in case she wants to stay the next night too.

Somewhere in the middle of the morning, a sleepless Lexa convinced a nurse, to at least let her go near the ICU and peek inside, she just wanted to look at her wife, she just wanted to see her that’s all. The kind nurse led her there.

Lexa stood by the door, looking through the small glass frame.

There she lay. Her queen, her fighter. Unconscious, but still beautiful as ever. Her head was bandaged, there were tubes all around her, and monitors beeping all around her, but she was still, too still for Lexa’s liking.

Lexa’s only comfort, was the moving lines on the heart monitor, and the soft rise and fall of her wife’s chest, indicating she was breathing, she was still alive, and she would be okay soon. She would be near her soon, she would kiss her and tell her how much she loves her, and how she would never lose her.

Lexa woke up to the sound of a tray of instruments hitting the floor of the silent hospital from the hands of an intern.

She sat up straighter and stretched in place. The kind nurse had offered her a visitor’s bed a few floors down, but Lexa did not want to be that far away, she chose to just sleep in the chair. Her neck felt a little caught up but she didn’t care. She stood up and walked over to the washroom, where she threw some water on her face and freshened up. Rinsed her mouth and stared at her reflection in the mirror. She looked miserable. Sad even. She opened up her hair that was tied in a bun, and let it fall on her shoulders. She stared at herself for a second and then tied it into a pony tail.

When she walked back out she saw a doctor walk out of the ICU and Abby was suddenly by her side at the same time.

“Mrs Wood’s family?”

“That’s us” said Lexa.

“Yes, Dr. Griffin, Mrs. Woods, as you may be aware, after the surgery yesterday, we had to put Clarke into an induced coma to make sure the internal sutures get the time and space to heal well. 

She may be unconscious for a few hours but she’ll keep waking and falling back into a state of unconsciousness for a few days, but you’ll be happy to know we can let you see her now. However, just one person at a time please.

“Thank you” Abby said to him, smiling softly.

“A nurse will come to you in a few hour’s time, and she’ll let you’ll see her. She is sedated, so she won’t be able to hear you, but I’ve been told love has the power to surpass the senses.” he said with a soft smile directed towards Lexa.

Lexa smiled and acknowledged his kindness. Once he was gone, Abby turned to Lexa and said

“You’re sure you don’t want to go home and get some rest?”

“I’m really fine. I just want be with her right now”

“I know” Abby said, reaching out and squeezing her arm gently, comfortingly.

Lexa waited outside, dressed in fresher clothes now that Raven had come by. Abby was inside with Clarke, said she just needed a few minutes and she’d be out.

When Lexa stepped in, and closed the door behind her, she approached Clarke carefully, her eyes locked on Clarke’s face. So still, so peaceful. As soon as she was by her side, she gently took Clarke’s hand in hers, needing to touch her, needing to make sure she was here and she wasn’t dreaming this whole thing. And the minute her fingers touched Clarke’s, she felt her body calm down, her whole being felt at ease. So much so, her legs felt weak, she quickly pulled the chair closer, and sat by her side, holding her hand more firmly, leaning in and kissing it softly.

“I’m sorry” she cried.

“I texted you, I did. I forgot to hit send. I’m sorry”

When she walked in here, she had no intention of speaking to an unconscious Clarke, she had thought she’d simply sit by her side and be there, nearer to her than the last few hours had let her.

But here she was, with no control over the things she was saying, the words just came.

“I’m sorry I did this to you, I am”

Lexa sobbed bitterly, her head resting lightly on Clarke’s hand that she was holding.

After a long while, she looked up, took a deep breath and spoke.

“But I did it, I spoke to Jade, I struck a deal with them Clarke, I won’t have to do the long hours anymore, I’ll get to come home and be with you, with Aden, Madi and our little Jake. It’ll be like the old times again.”

“We’ll be perfect, we just need to get you home now.” She continued.

She then allowed herself to simply focus on the slow rise and fall of Clarke’s chest. It was shallow breaths, so the movement was minimal, but it was there and Lexa had never been this grateful for it.

That afternoon, Clarke was shifted out of the ICU and into one of the rooms. There were lesser tubes around her, lesser monitors too.

“Lexa, you’re this close to starting to stink. I insist you let me drive you home, you take a shower, and we can bring you right back, please” Anya insisted.

“I need to be here when she wakes up” Lexa argued outside Clarke’s room.

“Her sedation is meant to last for at least another 5 hours, the nurses confirmed, please. The last thing Clarke needs to wake up to is a smelly you”

Lexa finally got convinced.

When she returned that evening, she came to Clarke’s room, holding a bouquet of roses. Clarke loved being brought red roses. She placed them beside Clarke’s bed and sat down on her other side, opposite where Abby was sitting. Raven was also in the room, but walking about near the window.

The doctors had told them, that when Clarke starts to wake up, she’s going to wake up quite disoriented. It’s just the side effects of the medication, the anaesthesia and all of it. And they shouldn’t panic if she’s a little extra out of it.

The nurses had begun coming in to check her vitals every now and then, knowing she would wake up any hour now, that the sedation would be wearing off.

Lexa was holding Clarke’s hand and lightly tracing patterns on her skin, when she felt more than saw Clarke’s fingers twitch in her own hands.

“Clarke?”

Abby looked up at Lexa when she heard her calling out to her daughter’.

“I think she’s waking up!” Lexa said to Abby, Abby turned to raven who was already on her way out to call the doctor in”

“Clarke, can you hear me? Wake up, sweetheart, it’s me” Lexa said, now at the edge of her seat. She saw Clarke’s hand move properly now, and her eyes were fluttering behind her lids.

“Clarke, open your eyes honey. We’re right here, Lexa and I” Abby spoke.

Her lips moved to say something. But neither Abby nor Lexa could catch what she was saying.

Lexa reached out to hold her hand in an attempt to comfort her.

“You’re okay babe, you’re okay” she assured.

“Mom…” Clarke finally said.

“I’m here” Abby hurried to say.

“She’s right here, babe.” Lexa assured, tracing soothing circles on her love’s hand.

Clarke’s eyes fluttered open and Lexa caught a slight glimpse of her ocean blue orbs before she shut them again.

“It hurts” she mumbled and closed her eyes again, this time her face contorted in pain. The doctor entered the room at that very moment,

“I’m going to need you all to step out for a while”

“Doc, she’s in pain, can you do something about that?” Lexa hurried to the doctor’s side.

“We need to assess her situation before we administer any more pain killers, I will require everyone to leave the room as she is expected to already be quite confused and disoriented”

Lexa nodded in understanding, she lightly squeezed Clarke’s hand and said “I’ll be back soon, babe. I’m right outside”

But when Clarke looked at her, Lexa’s intuition told her something’s wrong. Those blue eyes she’d come to love and adore all these years, looked empty, lost.

“I’ll be back soon” she felt the need to say again before a nurse ushered her out the door.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Raven placed a hand on her shoulder and said, don’t worry, Abby’s with her inside. They let her stay cause she’s a doctor too. She’ll look out for her.

“She’s scared. She’s woken up scared”

“Well naturally, anyone would if they woke up in a hospital.”

“No, there was a fear stronger than just that in her eyes. I swear. I saw something switch off in her eyes”

“You’re over-thinking this. Come on, the nurses said the examination could take an hour and she may fall back asleep anyway out of exhaustion, let’s go get a coffee and update Anya and the kids too?”

Lexa nodded, and allowed Raven to lead her down to the cafeteria.

When Lexa came back upstairs, Abby was talking to the doctor outside the room. Lexa was tempted to go over and join the conversation, see what the doctor had to say, but decided Abby would update her in lay terms anyway so she sat down outside the room and waited.

However, she did notice Abby was getting quite worked up. And she was beginning to get that sickening, odd sense of worry growing in the pit of her stomach all over again. Something wasn’t right. Every bone in her body felt it the moment Clarke looked at her.

When the doctor finished talking to Abby and walked away, Lexa tried approaching Abby, but Abby simply said

“I need a few minutes, Lexa” without making eye contact, wan walked ahead.

“Abby wait, is she still awake?”

“She fell asleep.” Abby said, again, not really making eye contact, and then walked away.

Lexa walked into Clarke’s room to find her fast asleep. She pulled up her chair and sat by her side again, and reached to hold her hand as she slept.

“You’re kidding me right now!” Raven said to Abby.

“Does it look like I would joke about such a thing?” Abby asked.

She had spent half an hour pacing the corridor by the reception on their floor, just thinking about the situation, and when Raven saw her and asked what’s wrong, she knew it was time she told someone. And better Raven now, than Lexa.

“But the doctor said she would wake up disoriented” Raven tried to reason.

“Disoriented, as I’ve seen, would be her waking up and asking where she is and why she’s here. What I don’t expect from mere disorientation is her waking up and telling me “Mom, you look like you’ve aged 10 years at least, and who was the woman holding my hand?”

Raven wiped her face down with both her hands, and sighed.

“No Abby. You’re over-thinking this. Maybe it’s just the effects of the anaesthesia”

“I want to believe that. But I’m afraid it’s more than that.”

“How will we know for sure?” raven asked.

“Doctor O’Malley didn’t get to do a full examination as she was falling back asleep. But the next time she wakes up he’s going to ask her a few questions, and he’ll know for sure if it’s just the medication, or if she really has lost her…”

“God! Abby, what are we going to do?”

“Raven, if she doesn’t remember Lexa…”

Raven nodded, knowing what Abby was talking about… “Lexa will be devastated” Raven said.

“I’m going to need your help in making her understand this situation if it comes down to it…” Abby continued.

Raven nodded.

The next time Clarke’s eyes began to flutter open, Lexa had stepped out to visit the washroom.

“Mom?” she called out. And Abby was at her side instantly.

“Hey kiddo, how are you feeling?”

“Thirsty” she replied in a dry, raspy voice, her eyes still fluttering lazily.

“Raven..” she whispered with a smile when she saw her best friend at the end of the room, but then confusion filled her when Raven stepped a little more in to the light and she studied her face.

“What’s going on…?” Clarke mumbled.

“Clarke, I need you to relax.” Abby said to her. 

“Mom, what’s going on?” Clarke asked a little louder this time, taking a sip of water from the glass her mom was holding, and attempting to sit up straighter.

“Raven, could you step out and call Doctor O’Malley. And then… you know what you need to do…”

Raven knew. She nodded and walked out briskly.

“Mom?” Clarke almost looked scared now.

“It’s okay honey, I’ll explain, I just need you to relax right now.”

“Raven, if you don’t tell me the truth of what’s going on right now, I swear to god I will…” Lexa raised her voice.

“LEXA! I’m just following Abby’s instructions okay. She asked me to give them some time. The doctor needs to examine her. And we cannot be in the room”

“That’s ridiculous, I’m her wife. I need to be there. You’re not telling me something. It’s been a whole hour we’ve been out here! What is going on?”

“Lexa, please, just trust me, we need to be patient”

Lexa was angry, frustrated, annoyed. Why were they keeping her away from Clarke, what was going on?

She huffed at Raven and began pacing again.

Clarke was crying. And Abby was holding her close.

“I don’t understand…” Clarke cried into her mother’s embrace “I don’t understand mom…” she cried bitterly.

“This can be very overwhelming, Clarke, but it’s not your fault. These things happen. It’s rare, but it happens”

“I’m so tired, mom” Clarke mumbled between sobs.

“Sleep…”

“Are you going to be here when I wake up, where did Raven go?”

“I’m not going anywhere. Lexa and Raven are just outside.”

“Lexa? Who’s Lexa, mom?”

A fresh bout of tears brimmed at Abby’s eyes.

“It’s okay, you don’t need to worry about that right now, Clarke, sleep.”

And Clarke was out even before she could register Abby’s words.

“Lexa! Screaming and shouting at me is not going to get you any answers, you will sit down this moment and let me explain why I had to keep you outside her room while we examined her condition” Abby reprimanded Lexa.

It shut Lexa up. But it angered her further.

“Please Lexa, sit down” Abby said.

“I’m fine”

“You’re not going to be after what I tell you” Abby said. And Raven, who was standing beside her, was staring down at the floor, and Lexa could have sworn she saw a tear fall from her eye.

“What is going on?” Lexa asked, she almost began to cry herself. “Is Clarke okay?” she asked, as she fell back into one of the chairs there in the corridor.

Raven sat beside her and put an arm around her shoulder. Abby got down on her haunches and took Lexa’s hands in hers.

“Clarke seems to have lost her memory, Lexa.”

Lexa felt the air in her lungs dissolve. She couldn’t breathe.

“She woke up disoriented yes, but it wasn’t mere disorientation. She woke up confused because she couldn’t understand when I had aged so much, or when Raven got this tall”

Lexa was in shock. She was watching Abby’s lips moving, saying these things, she was listening, but she was finding it hard to keep up.

“Wait wait wait. She’s lost her memory. Isn’t that natural for someone who’s just woken up from an induced coma? Why are we assuming the worse?”

“Lexa, she doesn’t remember you.” Abby finally said.

Lexa was silent. For a good whole minute just staring at Abby.

Then she chuckled and looked towards Raven, you guys are kidding me right? Raven can you tell Abby this is not the time to be joking around”

She looked towards Abby then and got louder and more serious “This is not the time to be joking around Abby!”

Abby simply stared at Lexa’s hands in hers and tried speaking again, but Lexa pulled her hands away.

“Okay okay, listen to me, even if you are serious, why would Clarke not remember me at all, she remembers a younger version of Raven, so she’ll remember the younger version of me too”

“When the doctor was examining her, they asked her to name all the names of close friends and family she could remember….”

“And…”

‘’Her dad, me and Raven… and then she got confused, she shut her eyes and tried really hard and came up disappointed with herself that she couldn’t think of any other names or people.”

“What are you telling me Abby? She won’t ever remember me? She doesn’t know we’re married, she doesn’t know our children?!”

Abby stayed silent.

A cry left Lexa’s lips and Raven pulled her in close. Lexa began to breathe heavily.

“Slow… deep breaths Lexa… please… shhhh” Raven tried comforting…

“Doctor O Malley says we can hope for memories to come back within another day or two, but if after that too she doesn’t get her memories back….”

“No! No… this can’t be happening. THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING!” Lexa cried out loud.

“Lexa, this is going to be difficult on all of us”

“She will remember me. I know it. She will. She has to.”

Lexa stood up then, and tried to walk towards Clarke’s room.

“She’s sleeping, Lex” Raven came to stand in her way.

“Then I’ll wait for her to wake up again, I’ll remind her, she’ll remember me, I know!”

“Lexa, you’ll confuse her, please, give her some time. She’s overwhelmed. You have to understand, even her own aged body feels unfamiliar to her right now.

That made Lexa feel sick. She felt sick to her stomach. She turned around, and ran towards the opposite direction. Raven ran behind her, and when she found Lexa, she was kneeling in one of the bathroom stalls and puking violently, and crying bitterly.

Raven tired her hair back and rubbed her back, and cried with her. This was going to be hard on them all.

“She’ll remember me, she has to!” Lexa repeated like a mantra as she cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It tears me to even write these scenes out, so yes, I know how you guys feel. Sending lots of love to all of you who've left kudos and comments on the previous update. I hope this update will also drive you to leave a comment letting me know your thoughts, feelings and feedback if any on this story. Should be able to post another update sometime this coming week.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Clarke sat there, trying to grasp what the doctor was telling her.

Her brain. He was talking about her brain. HER brain. Something that belonged to her body had the ability to betray her like this. Like she had no control over it. Like it could decide one day to just… wipe out a big chunk of years from her life. When her mom tried explaining to her yesterday, she felt overwhelmed. It was an emotional day and her mom insisted that she meet no one other than Raven and herself.

But today, today Abby said she needed Clarke to meet someone else, someone very important to her life. And Clarke had so many questions, but she held back because the doctor came in to do his routine of questions to check if there’s been any progress with her memories.

But nothing. Nothing.

Even as the doctor was still talking to her and Abby standing right beside her bed, Clarke could feel the tears beginning to brim at her eyes again. Raven who was standing near the door, leaning against a wall there had her eyes on her, and she too felt her pain, she seemed to wipe at her eyes and then she walked out.

“I’ll come in again later this evening to check on you Ms Clarke Wo...”

“Griffin” Abby interjected. “Clarke Griffin”.

“Of course” the doctor said then, smiled and walked out.

Once the doctor had stepped out, Abby turned to face Clarke and gave her a kiss on the forehead and said “Don’t beat yourself up sweetheart, your brain will heal itself, in time. We just need to give it time…”

Clarke wiped at a stray tear that rolled down her cheeks and nodded. She understood. She’d get her memories back, she believed that.

“Abby, she’s here.” came Raven’s voice from the door.

Clarke looked over to see the woman from the earlier day walk in with Raven.

“Lexa, can you wait until I give her a little context…”

“I’ve done my share of waiting, Abby, please, just let me talk to her…” Lexa said more firmly, desperately, a sob threating to make its way out from her throat.

Worry etched into Clarke’s features, who was this woman, why was she talking that way with Abby? How did Raven know her? 

“She is my daughter, I will decide when she’s ready to..” Abby said more firmly

“She is my wi…”

“Abby, please, just let them talk, Lexa’s been away from her for too long.” Raven interrupted.

Abby sighed, then looked back at Clarke, “Raven and I are going to be right outside, you need anything, you just call, okay?”

“Wait, mom, who is she?” Clarke looked worried, unsure as she whispered in a state of panic to her mom.

“She’ll tell you. But you should know that I trust her, Raven trusts her, and most importantly, you trust her”

“Mom…?”

“It’s okay, you’ll be okay…” Abby re-assured.

Abby moved towards the door, and squeezed Lexa’s arm in comfort before leaving and closing the door behind her.

Once she heard the door close, Lexa took a careful step forward, and she noticed Clarke sit up straighter.

“Hi” Lexa said carefully.

“Hello” Clarke said. And Lexa saw the uncertainty. The unfamiliarity. It hurt. It hurts so much. Clarke was gazing upon her like she was a stranger. Like they didn’t know each other inside and out.

“It’s true then, you don’t remember me…” Lexa said carefully, taking another step forward.

“I’m sorry… I don’t know…” Clarke stumbled on her words.

“Lexa… I’m Lexa. Does that… does that bring anything back?” Lexa asked carefully

Clarke tried. She really tried, she visibly tried. But nothing.

“I’m sorry…”

“No no, don’t apologize, just… think…” Lexa was desperate for her to remember.

“I’m trying, I really am.” Clarke said exasperated.

Lexa knees grew weak. This was happening, this was really happening. What she really wanted to do right now was run out to the streets and scream her lungs out.

What she actually did was take another careful step forward, she was now at the foot of the bed.

“Can I hold your hand?” Lexa asked.

“Who are you, Lexa?” Clarke asked, and the pain in Lexa’s heart only increased.

“Clarke…” it was a pained, strangled cry. Saying her name like that, she was losing herself. 

“Clarke, I’m your wife…” she said it. Out loud. And then looked up to find Clarke frozen. Silenced.

Lexa took another step forward, and Clarke shifted away.

“Don’t. Wait.” Clarke said hurriedly. She took a deep breath and exhaled.

“I have a wife…” Clarke said more to herself than anyone else.

Lexa nodded.

“How long do we know each other?”

“Since school” Lexa replied.

“That can’t be right. That doesn’t make any sense. I remember Raven. I don’t know who you are…”

“Clarke, that’s why I think you’ll remember me, maybe you just need some help remembering, we’ll talk, I’ll help you remember, I can tell you about us, about our dates, our wedding…” Lexa sounded desperate

“I… I need to talk to Raven” Clarke blurted out. Stopping Lexa mid-sentence.

“Raven. Okay. Yea, I’ll call her in” Lexa finally said. Giving up. Realizing that this was it. Clarke didn’t know who she was.

“Alone. Please?” Clarke asked carefully.

Lexa looked down at her feet. “Yes, of course. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to come on too strong. I understand this must be tough for you.”

“As it must be for you too” Clarke only thought of it as she said it out loud, and her own eyes turned sad for Lexa.

Lexa nodded once, awkwardly, and back up a little and then walked out of the room in a haste.

When Lexa stepped out, she was breathing hard, Raven quickly stood up and enveloped her in a hug.

“She doesn’t know me” Lexa said. Lexa repeated. Until the words became sobs and then full blown cries in agony.

“Lexa, we have to be patient. She’ll remember, I know she will”

“Raven, you should go inside. She wants to talk to you” Lexa finally said, pulling out of Raven’s embrace, but not making eye contact.

“okay” Raven said, as she made sure Lexa was seated, and had a glass of water in her hand and then she entered in to Clarke’s room.

“I don’t believe this Rae”

“Clarke, it’s true. You two are married. You’ve been living together so long now.”

Clarke closed her eyes and leaned back. Trying so hard to find something, anything, any memory with the woman’s face in it.

“God!” Clarke said, frustrated with herself. “I’m married and I can’t even remember my own wife” Clarke buried her face in her palms.

Raven laid a hand on her shoulder in comfort, not knowing how they were going to tell her about Made, Aden and Jake.

“She must hate me” Clarke finally said, beginning to finally see now how this must affect someone who loved her enough to have married her.

She heard Raven chuckle.

“Lexa can never hate you.”

Clarke looked up at her with a sad look.

“I don’t know her at all, Rae, what am I going to do?”

“Hey, hang in there okay. I know Lexa. She’s a little broken right now, and still in a bit of a shock, but I also remember the day you two tied the knot, and the vows you made to one another, if there’s anyone who’s going to help you get through this, it’s her. and I know it’s going to take you a while to get used to her being around you, but trust me, I’ve never seen a love as fierce as the one you two share… so let her in?”

Clarke thought long and hard about this. And then finally, she looked up at Raven and said

“Can you call her back in here? And don’t go anywhere, please, juts stay in the room with us, I’m so afraid…”

“Of course, yes.”

Lexa felt numb. Like her whole world had collapsed around her and she had nowhere to go, nothing to say, no one to know what she was feeling in this moment. She closed her eyes.

She felt a hand on her shoulder.

“If there’s anyone who can help her through this, it’s you, Lexa” Abby said.

It opened the floodgates. Lexa began to cry again.

“I know, I should be grateful she’s alive, I could have lost her, we could have lost her Abby, but she’s here, alive and breathing, and I’m selfishly crying here because she doesn’t remember me”

You’re not selfish to feel that way, honey, you two have a special bond, and you have every right to feel like you’ve lost out…”

“She doesn’t know who I am Abby.”

“She will learn. She will learn you all over again, it will take time, and it will be difficult, and there’ll be more bad days than good days…”

“But she will be worth it.” Lexa completed

Abby squeezed her shoulder.

“Clarke’s a fighter, even you know that. she’s going to want to try everything she can to get her memories back, but she’s going to need someone who believes in her, at her side at all times.”

“I won’t let her do it alone, Abby”

“I know…”

“Lexa, she wants to see you” Raven peeked out the door and said.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8 **

Lexa stood in the doorway this time, waiting.

“You can come in, Lexa” Clarke said from her bed, a look of apprehension, still in her eyes.

Lexa folded her arms in front of her and took a few steps in, Raven was seated right next to Clarke on her bed.

“I’m really sorry about earlier, this is very overwhelming for me and for you of course. How are you feeling?”

“Lost… unsure… scared” Clarke replied, honestly. The truth of her own feelings, hitting her hard, and bringing a bout of tears to her eyes.

It was enough to get Lexa flying to her side, and even before Clarke could react, Lexa took her hand in hers.

“Hey…that’s okay… Lost, unsure, scared, it’s all okay for where you are right now. I just want you to know that you’ve got people who love you unconditionally, and who’ll be here no matter what, okay?”

Clarke nodded, her eyes focused on the way Lexa’s thumb kept rubbing soothing circles on her skin.

The touch was supposed to be familiar right? But it wasn’t. And that ate at Clarke’s brain.

When Lexa tuned in on what Clarke was staring at, she quickly pulled her hand away, scared she made Clarke uncomfortable again.

“I’m sorry, force of habit” she explained, and looked down at her own hands now, awkward again.

“Did I like it?” Clarke asked suddenly.

“Huh?” Lexa mumbled

“What you were just doing, did I always like that?” Clarke asked, referring to Lexa’s little force of habit.

Lexa looked into her eyes now, her deep ocean blue eyes looking into her own and she said

“Yes. You did.”

Clarke nodded then and looked to Raven.

“Pretty, isn’t she?” Raven said to Clarke with a smirk.

And it brought a smile to Clarke’s face. She had to face it, the woman was pretty. She got the pretty girl. She married her. Marriage. She must be something.

Clarke then looked at Lexa and felt she needed to ask “How are you feeling?”

Lexa took a deep breath and decided to be honest with her wife at this moment. “Lost, unsure, scared…” she paused

“But also confident… confident in the love we shared…”

Now it was Clarke’s turn to look away, she looked down at the sheets covering her hips and legs, Raven saw the tear fall. She reached around to put an arm around her shoulders

“Hey hey, it’s okay” Raven comforted her, Lexa hated that she said something wrong, she was hurting her more than comforting her.

“What if I never remember you again, Lexa?” Clarke said, looking at her again.

Lexa took a moment to think it through. 

She then spoke confidently

“On our wedding day, I vowed to you, that your happiness, well-being and peace of mind would be my priority from that day on, I’m going to live that promise out Clarke. Memories or not, I will make sure you’re happy, no matter what you begin to remember or not.”

Clarke had tears rolling down her cheeks, she smiled softly at Lexa and whispered a “Thank you” and Lexa nodded with a smile.

“Told you, you hit a jack pot with this one.” Raven said with a smirk and it made Clarke and Lexa chuckle.

Clarke had fallen asleep a little while after their little conversation, and Lexa decided the afternoon was the perfect opportunity to head back home and pick up a few of Clarke’s comfortable t-shirts, she hated the clothes she had to wear that were provided by the hospital.

Lexa had so many things going on in her head while she was driving back, she didn’t know how and when to deal with the thoughts running through her head.

If Clarke didn’t remember her at all, then doesn’t that mean she has no trace of love for her right now? She doesn’t know of anything they’ve been through together. Lexa could hope all she wanted, but she had to come to terms with the fact that Clarke may never remember their life together so far, she had to come to terms with the fact that Clarke may never fall in love with her all over again. But even as she thought these thoughts, she knew now was not the time to fall down that path, now, she had to put all her energy into making sure Clarke was going to be okay that slowly and gradually, she would get a hang of what her life is right now, and maybe, just maybe, falling back into routine might bring her memories back?

Lexa’s thoughts were interrupted when she saw her phone ringing with Raven’s name as the caller ID.

“Hey, I’m just 15 minutes away from the hospital, be right there.”

“Good. Because the nurse was helping with a sponge bath, and Clarke’s attention was brought to the scars of her stitches from giving birth to Jake. And the faint stitches from Aden’s time”

“Shit.”

“Just get here soon okay, as much as we want to tell her, I think you need to be here”

“I’ll be right there”

“Is this some kind of joke?” Clarke cried out loud, seated in her bed, face buried in her palms.

“Clarke…” Raven tried

“I have a child! I am a mother!”

“Listen to me…you have to calm down”

“NO! You don’t get it. I don’t know them. I don’t remember having them. I don’t know their names, I don’t know what they look like, do they look like me? Which mother doesn’t know her own children, Rae!?!”

Raven sat there by her legs and placed a hand on her knee, she didn’t know what to say to comfort her, Lexa needed to get here soon.

“I’m here!” Lexa panted as she rushed into the room.

“You!” Clarke reacted as soon as she saw Lexa.

“You didn’t say a thing! Why didn’t you just tell me?! What else are you keeping from me?”

“I’m not keeping anything from you, Clarke…”

“Like hell you are, we have children! Two children. And you said nothing to me”

“Three. We have three children.” Lexa said, pulling a chair up, to sit right next to Clarke and Raven.

Raven and Lexa watched as Clarke broke down, crying bitterly behind shut eyes. The agony she felt was just too much for Lexa to just sit there and do nothing about. So she stood up, got closer, and reached for Clarke’s face, to caress it, to offer some comfort.

“Don’t touch me!” Clarke yelled. It shocked both Raven and Lexa.

“Just go. Go away. Leave me alone, please….” She cried desperately.

“I’m not going anywhere” said Raven “Neither am I” said Lexa.

“You want to know about your children? Let us tell you about them.”

“I’m begging you Raven, I need a moment to myself, please.” Clarke pleaded, desperately.

A nurse entered and was watching the exchange, they were sure seeing Clarke’s state, they would be sent out to let her rest anyway.

Lexa stood up, and then Raven stood up too.

“We’ll be just outside” Lexa said, and began to walk out. Raven hesitated, but then followed.

Once Lexa was out, Raven turned around and said “Madi, Aden and Jake. Their names? Madi, Aden and Jake.”

“Thank you, Raven” Clarke whispered between sobs, leaned her head back against the wall and closed her eyes.

“She won’t recognise your touch, Lex, not yet” Raven said to Lexa sitting beside her.

Lexa chuckled sadly. “I know”

“That ‘don’t touch me’ was misdirected anger” Raven explained.

“No Raven, she’s right to be angry. And we know it’s not anyone’s fault. Every emotions going to be heightened for her for the next few months. Everything’s going to be new information to her,

And here I am, honestly, still holding on to the thought that she’s alive, and breathing. Nothing else matters to me right now. The memories, we can work those out, the kids, we can work that out too, but right now, in this moment, all I’m thinking about is that I could have lost her, I could have lost the love of my life, but I didn’t. She’s here. The only difference is, I’m the one lost from her memory. And so everything linked with me, is also a blank spot. Our children, our home, our history, our wedding, all of it.

“Do you think she’ll get mad when I tell her I have a girlfriend?” Raven asked

Lexa chuckled genuinely now.

“Let’s talk to her tonight, about the kids, if she’s up for it. And maybe, if she’s okay with it, we should bring them over tomorrow or day after”

Lexa nodded.

“I’ll have to talk to them before bringing them here. This is going to be hard on them too”

“I can only imagine”

“Hey Lex, are you going to be okay?” raven asked, her voice laced with Genuine concern.

“As okay as you can be when your wife doesn’t know who you are.” Lexa said with a sad smile.

Raven leaned her head on Lexa’s shoulder and said

“I’m sorry, this must be so hard on your right now.” Raven said.

“As it must be for you too, Rae.”

“I’m not the one who’s spent nights worshiping her body.” Raven said with a smile

Lexa chuckled at first, but sadly, any mirth from beautiful memories kept turning into tears on a day like today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update: She meets her kids.   
Let me know how you think it could go and what you think should happen. I'm sure it'll be a very overwhelming chapter to write and read, so yea, I'm nervous too. :P   
Thank you so much for reading this update. Means a lot to me, I love hearing from you guys, in the comments, and all those kudoses (is that a word?) I see ya!   
If any of you would like to reach out to me on twitter instead, i'm @clexa_endgame47


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to admit, this update took me so long because every time I sat down to write it, I hated myself a little bit, wrote a few lines, cried and gave up.   
But here's 2 chapters I've finally written with my whole heart and I hope it hits you straight in the feels too.

**Chapter 9**

“Okay lets go over this again, Madi’s 14, Aden’s 13 and Jake’s 3” Clarke said to Raven, having memorized their ages.

“Yes. Correct” Raven said.

Clarke nodded, happy that she could remember.

“And I’ve carried all 3 of them?” Raven looked at Lexa for a moment and immediately Lexa jumped in, “You’ve carried Aden and Jake” Lexa said.

And Raven silently noted how Lexa dodged the discussion that would arise if she explicitly said that technically none of them carried Madi because that would lead to the discussion of them being apart when Lexa adopted Madi, and that would inevitably lead to bringing up the lowest their relationship had ever seen. 

“Later” Lexa mouthed discreetly to Raven.

Raven nodded. Clarke was staring at the photograph of them that Lexa had always kept in her wallet.

All three of them were silent then.

“They’re beautiful children” Clarke said.

“That’s because they’re yours” Lexa said with a warm smile.

Clarke looked up at her and smiled back. It wasn’t completely there. It wasn’t the smile Lexa was used to. But there was happiness none the less and that was important.

“I’m sorry I snapped at you two earlier, it’s just… a lot to take it” Clarke said.

“That’s okay, you got over whelmed, and that’s fine. It’s got to be difficult” Raven said, reaching out to hold her best friend’s hand.

“There’s something else I have to tell you though” Raven said, biting her lip.

Clarke got serious, wondering what bomb they were about to drop next.

“I swear if you tell me you got back with Finn after all these years I will murder you.” Clarke said.

Raven laughed heartily. “No Clarke, I would never. But I am engaged to someone. She’s actually Lexa’s sister. Anya.”

Clarke looked at Lexa, and then back at Raven.

“Okay…”

“I just thought you should know, I want to bring her around tomorrow too, so you can meet her… again.”

“Yea, yea sure…” Clarke said.

“Can I see my kids tomorrow too?” Clarke asked carefully, now looking at Lexa.

“Of course, they’ve been waiting to see you” Lexa said.

Clarke was silent.

“Your fiancé…” Clarke said, looking at Raven, “my kids…” she said, turning to look at Lexa, “it would upset them so much that I don’t remember right?”

Clarke choked up a little while saying it, and Lexa’s heart broke for the umpteenth time that day.

“Hey hey hey, it’s okay… Anya understands, and the kids, I’ll be talking to them before bringing them in here, they’re smart and mature, and they love you so much….” Lexa said.

“They’ll hate me, I’m their mother and I don’t remember them…”Clarke said, now dropping her face into her hands, so angry with herself.

“You’re their mother, nothing else matters to them. Trust me, they just want to be close to you right now, that’s all they want.” Lexa reassured.

“Sorry to interrupt, but it’s time for Ms. Clarke to get some rest, one of you can stay the night in the visitors’ room…” a nurse said from the doorway.

“That would be me…” Lexa announced to her, and Raven nodded. Once the nurse left and Raven began to get up, Clarke spoke

“Actually, Raven, can you stay the night…?”

Lexa looked down at the floor, not needing any of them to see her eyes right now.

“Uhhh…” Raven looked unsure, glancing towards Lexa for a moment and then back at Clarke.

“Yea, yea sure… if Lexa’s fine with that” she added

Lexa looked up at Raven now, and said

“Yes, yea. Why not. No problem, I should get home to the kids anyway.” she said, and got up from her seat beside Clarke’s bed.

“I’ll walk you out” Raven said, and followed behind Lexa.

Lexa stopped for a moment at the doorway, but then went out quickly.

“Lex…” Raven rushed behind her in the hallway.

“No, don’t say anything, its fine, she doesn’t know me at all right now”

“She will re-learn you, she will love you again, and this time, stronger, I’m sure of it, it’ll come back to her, it’s you, she loves you. Your love is not something Clarke’s heart could forget”

“Maybe so, but her brain definitely has, and I have no one to blame for it. Raven, I’m fine, you should go be with her, reassure her that when the kids visit tomorrow, everything will go well.”

“I will, and if you need any help talking to them tonight or tomorrow morning, you tell me okay?”

“Yea I’ll have to talk to their principal tomorrow, to excuse them from school for the day.”

“Alright”

“Thanks Raven, I owe you one”

“You owe me nothing, she’s my best friend, and you’re my sister to be. We’ve always been family” Raven said.

Lexa gave her a tight hug and left for the night.

When Raven went back into the room, she sat in the chair Lexa was seated in earlier and said

“Have I completely ruined my relationship with my wife?” Clarke asked.

Raven chuckled. But then she reached out to hold Clarke’s hand.

“You have no idea the love that woman has for you.” Raven told Clarke.

“I honestly don’t Rae.” Clarke said truthfully. “And I know I must be causing her a lot of pain. I feel horrible, but I don’t know what else to do, she’s a stranger to me right now”

“Except, she’s not.” Raven said. “She’s loved you for years, you’ve loved her back for years. I’ve seen you two go through everything together. So dismissing her like that… that’s got to hurt. But she’s taking it because she understands you don’t remember her.”

“What was I supposed to do, kiss her goodnight? Invite her to sleep in here with me?” Clarke asked.

Raven chuckled at the memory of Lexa actually doing that when Clarke insisted the night Jake was scheduled to be born.

“No, of course not.” Raven said sadly then, knowing that even Clarke had a fair point.

Raven took a deep breath then and said “give her a chance to take care of you. She’s in pain too. She doesn’t show you, and you don’t see it like you used to, but I can tell. She’s finding it hard to process everything that’s happened but she’s keeping a calm face for you. Just let her care for you like she wants to, for all you know, it might stir up some memories too” Raven said.

“Okay… I’ll try” Clarke said.

“Aden, Madi, come on, it’s time to go” Lexa called out from below the staircase.

Anya had carried Jake to the couch, and was helping him put on his sneakers, tying up his laces for him.

Aden was the first to come down, and Madi followed a few minutes later.

“Okay, sit. Before we leave, there’s something I have to talk to you’ll about”

Aden looked upset, it was like he knew there was upsetting news to come. And Lexa could feel his anxiety.

Aden and Madi sat down on the couch, and finally Anya sat by them, pulling Jake onto her lap.

Lexa sat before them on the coffee table.

“we’re going over to the hospital to see momma okay… she’s fully conscious and feeling much better, but there’s something I have to tell you’ll and I want you to know, it doesn’t change anything.”

Madi began to look a little nervous, she shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

“As I told you’ll that day, your momma’s head was hit multiple times in the accident. The doctors said it was a miracle she’s alive and breathing”

Madi nodded. Aden folded his hands in front of him, showing signs of distress already. Anya wrapped her arms around Jake snuggly.

“Kids, her memories were affected. She doesn’t remember a lot from this present time of her life. She remembers Mama Griffin of course and Aunt Raven, because they were childhood friends, but the rest of her memories, well they’re buried somewhere deep in her brain, and it may take her a while to dig them all out…”

The kids were silent.

“Does she remember you, Mommy?” Madi asked.

Lexa tried hard to not visibly show her anxiety at this question. “No, baby, she doesn’t remember me yet, but she will.”

“How do you know that?” Aden asked, his voice a little shaky, it was subtle, but Lexa knew her kids.

“The doctors are positive that in a case like hers memories can come back when the patient falls back into daily routine. Your mommy loves me deep down in her heart, and I love her too. We’ll find our rhythm again soon enough, don’t you worry about us”

“Why haven’t you brought her back home yet?” Aden asked, sounding upset and distant.

“She’s still recovering, hun. The doctors still need to review her health every day at least for another few days, after that she’ll be home and with us again.”

“So if Momma doesn’t remember us, she won’t know who we are when we meet her today.” Aden said matter of factly.

At this, Jake turned to look at his elder brother, looking a little sad.

“No baby, you don’t have to worry about that. Your aunt Raven and I have told her about you three, we showed her photographs and she can’t want to meet you’ll. She’s sad that she can’t dig up all her memories of you, but if I know anything for sure, it’s that deep down in her heart, she’ll never lose the love she has for you three. It’s all there inside her, she just can’t reach it right now, and we need to be patient with her for that, she’s recovering, she’s had a hard recovery and it’s going to be difficult for a few months, we need to love her with all we have, and that love will bring it all back, trust me.”

Aden nodded, seemingly okay with the answer for now.

“When you meet her today, I don’t want you to be scared, or unsure, okay? She’s still your mom, past memories or not. And she’ll love you just the same.” Lexa reassured.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10 **

“Hey Clarke, your kids are outside” Raven said to Clarke when she entered the room. Clarke looked up from a book she was reading, and took a deep breath.

“It’s time.” Clarke said, sitting up straighter in her bed.

“There’s someone I want you to meet first” Raven said, and that’s when Clarke turned her attention to the other woman at the door.

Raven turned around and reached out her hand for Anya to take, and led her in.

“Clarke, this is my fiancé, Anya. She’s also Lexa’s sister.”

Anya chuckled and said “This is weird, because under normal circumstances, I’d be hugging you right now because you’re my sister in law, and I’m seeing you after an accident, and it scared the shit out of all of us so much.”

“Well I can make an exception for the woman who’s stolen my best friend’s heart, no matter how unfamiliar it may seem to me right now” Clarke said, her hands reached out hesitantly to invite Anya in for a hug.

“Thank you, I know you’ve been looking after my children while I’ve been here.” Clarke said softly while hugging Anya.

“It’s Lexa and you. Those angels are just as much my own. We’re family. So you don’t need to thank me”

Clarke smiled warmly.

When Anya pulled away, Clarke looked at Raven and said truthfully,

“I can’t describe to you how much I hate myself for not being able to remember everyone.”

“Don’t beat yourself up so much, Clarkey, the memories will come back, we have got to believe that” Raven said.

Clarke nodded.

“Lexa’s outside, with the kids. Should I ask her to bring them in?” Anya asked.

Clarke’s face ran out of colour.

“Hey hey hey, hang in there…” Raven rushed to Clarke’s side.

“What if they hate me?” Clarke asked.

“They won’t. They love you, they’re your children, and they’ve been waiting to see you” Raven assured.

Clarke looked even more nervous.

“Can I talk to Lexa before I see them?” Clarke said.

“Yes. Yes! Of course” Raven sounded ecstatic. This was the first time Clarke was actually asking for Lexa’s presence, and it comforted Raven that she wanted Lexa to reassure her that this will be fine.

“Woods, the wife’s asking for you” Raven said to Lexa who was adjusting Jake’s cap on backwards.

Lexa looked up at Raven, and Raven smiled with a raised eyebrow.

“She’s just got butterflies” Raven said to Lexa as she walked past her hastening towards Clarke’s room.

“Hi” Lexa said as she walked in to find Clarke putting on lip balm.

“Lexa” Clarke said, as she looked up at her.

Lexa’s heart melted. It was in the way she said her name. Like the way she always has.

“Lip balm?” Lexa teased as she carefully walked closer.

“Do I not wear lip balm? Will it be weird to them? I don’t know, I just found it in my personal effects, and I probably look like a zombie and I don’t want them to see me this way.”

Lexa was now right before her, she sat by Clarke’s knees and chuckled.

“These munchkins have ran into our room in the wee hours of the morning and jumped into bed with us, seen us with bed hair, drool stains, and what not. So no, lip balm won’t be new to them, just odd to them” Lexa said with a chuckle, reaching out to Clarke’s beside to pick up a paper napkin and hand it over to her.

“Okay” Clarke said with a chuckle as she wiped it off.

Lexa carefully reached up, noticing Clarke missed a spot at the corner of her lower lip, but right before she could touch Clarke, she noticed Clarke’s body grow stiff.

Lexa froze.

“I’m sorry, you missed a spot. May I?” Lexa asked quickly.

“Okay…” Clarke said.

And Lexa carefully wiped off the little trace of lip balm with her thumb.

It was sweet, and caring, and Clarke wished she could find some familiarity in the touch, but nothing, and it made her feel sad. So she could only guess that it made Lexa feel sad too.

“What did you tell them?” Clarke asked.

“The truth. That you don’t remember much right now” Lexa said.

Clarke nodded.

“But I also assured them, that deep down in your heart, all those memories you have of our family still have a special place in you, it’s just taking your brain a while to reach them…” Lexa told Clarke.

Clarke nodded.

“How horrible a mother am I?” Clarke asked “You’re my wife, please be honest with me”

Lexa wanted to scream. How could Clarke think she was a horrible mother, how could she have these thoughts. She was the star mother every child in this universe needed. How could she think this one set back, this memory loss that isn’t even her fault, make her a horrible mother.

“Can I hold your hands?” Lexa asked.

Clarke looked down at her hands for a moment, and then lifted them towards Lexa carefully.

Lexa’s heart melted. She carefully held Clarke’s soft hands and she felt her heart do flips. This is her wife, her lover, her best friend for eternity. She wanted to kiss her and reassure her that no matter what, her family would love her.

“One day this week, if you’ll let me, I’m going to tell you about all the innumerable sacrifices you’ve made for the well-being of our children, of our family, some instances even when they were still in your womb and I hope that that will assure you of how remarkable, amazing, and perfect a mother it makes you.”

Clarke’s eyes brimmed with tears. Lexa squeezed her hands softly, wanting to offer her comfort.

“Okay” Clarke replied

“Okay?” Lexa repeated in question.

“Okay” Clarke replied again.

“You look gorgeous by the way, they’ll love you, they always have and always will” it took everything in Lexa to not say ‘I’ instead of ‘they’.

Clarke ran her hand through her hair for the 50th time, hoping it looked alright, as she waited for Lexa to let the kids in.

He suddenly saw a young girl peek in and disappear. It made Clarke’s heart flutter. There they were suddenly, 2 young teens hasting towards her, the girl looked like she could cry any moment, and Clarke didn’t know she was crying until the girl crawled up on the bed and was hugging her and the young boy somehow managed to wrap his arms around them too.

“Aden and Madi” Clarke whispered.

“We’re so glad you’re okay, mom” Madi said into her clothes, and Clarke allowed herself to absorb the voice, to feel it in her skin, to memorize it, to see if it triggers any memory…

“We missed you mom” Aden said.

And Clarke felt her heart race, she wanted to remember them, she wanted to remember these voices, and the 14 years of their voices she’s known, why couldn’t she remember them”

“It’s alright you know, if you don’t remember us now, we still love you soooo much” Madi said.

And Clarke wanted to never let them go, these 2 human beings who were radiating so much love for her, she could feel her whole body grow more at ease now that they were here, and saying these things to her, it was like her body remembered them, but her brain didn’t, and she wanted to hate herself so much for it, but she couldn’t right now, not when she was surrounded by their love.

That’s when she reminded herself, she hadn’t said anything yet and it must worry them, she should never want to put them in a state of anxiety, she’s their mom.

“I love you too, both of you… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry I don’t remember much… you have no idea how much it kills me to say that to you” she finally let them pull away and she looked into their eyes.

“I want to remember you, so bad right now, you’re both such lovely, soft hearted little kids”

Madi chuckled through her tears and kissed her mom’s cheek.

“It’s alright mom, what’s important is that you’re here. We just want you to come home soon. Mom’s been missing you, we’ve been missing you” Aden said.

And Clarke smiled at him, allowed herself to run her fingers through his hair and caress his handsome little face, it seemed to bring him immense joy, cause his smile widened at the show of affection.

Clarke looked towards the end of her bed then, to find Lexa standing there holding her youngest.

“Jake…”she whispered. And the little boy turned in Lexa’s arms and said

“Momma!” with so much excitement, Clarke’s heart leaped. 

Lexa put him down on the bed, and he crawled up into his Clarke’s arms.

Clarke brought him close to her body and hugged him, he hid his face in the crook of her neck and the warmth of his skin against Clarke’s overwhelmed her. She closed her eyes as she kissed the top of his hair sweetly,

“Jake…” she whispered.

“How are you, momma?” he asked

“I’m perfect now…” she replied.

“we’ll make new memories, mom, don’t worry” Madi said, leaning her head on her mom’s left shoulder, while Aden held her free hand and squeezed it, not letting it go.

Clarke’s heart was a mess. Her children were so loving, and so positive, and so very comforting. This has got to be the best she’s felt in all these days of turmoil. They made her feel like no matter what, she would come through, and even if she didn’t they’d love her anyway. Her heart filled with love for these little humans who were hers, little hearts that she’s been nurturing along with Lexa for years now, and she couldn’t remember any of it.

The hate for herself still lived inside somewhere, but the burden of that felt lighter for as long as her children were right here, clinging to her like she was their life-line. She’d do anything for them, she’d do anything to keep them safe and happy.

She didn’t know what it was, maybe motherly instinct, because even though she remembered nothing about them in this moment, she felt an odd obligation to protect them at all costs from this day forward.

Lexa felt good. Watching it all unfold before her. But she also felt disconnected. And she hated herself for feeling it. Because it was in some way, selfish. But can you blame her for wanting to be part of a family moment, of her family’s moment. She stood there for what felt like an hour, but was actually 15 minutes of her children reuniting with their mom, her lover, after she faced a life/death accident and came through, except without her memories of the life they shared together.

It killed Lexa, because she could see it. The relationship Clarke had with the kids, now that was something that could be rebuilt from scratch. They were bound by the strongest bond the world had ever know, a mother and child.

But her, she was Clarke’s wife. And without the memories of the years they’ve shared, all the break ups and make ups, all the kisses and caresses, the fights and the gifted dresses, all the shared worry and the sick days, the breakfasts in bed and the holidays, the months spent apart, the joy they brought to each other’s hearts, none of that existed. It was almost as if she could have might as well dreamed it all.

Because even though Clarke wanted to have her memories back for her kids, she would do just fine if she couldn’t bring back the memories of Lexa.

So when Lexa left the room, only Raven noticed.

And only Raven could hear the sobs from outside the bathroom stall down the hall where Lexa broke down the loudest she ever had since the day she heard of Clarke’s accident.

And all Raven could do was wait outside, for the storm to calm down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm working from home this weekend, and i'm gonna try and fit in another update tomorrow. Lets hope and pray that happens.   
Please let me know your thoughts after reading this update. You can leave a comment below, or simply tweet at me @clexa_endgame47.   
Thank you once again for giving my story a chance. And I really hope you love it.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

  
Lexa sat outside that afternoon, letting the kids have some alone time with Clarke, she needed it, they needed it, and the last thing she wanted was for any of the 4 of them to see her red rimmed eyes right now.

“Lexa” came Abby’s voice.

She looked up to find her standing before her

“Abby, hey. Uhhh, the kids are inside with her”

“Yes, Raven told me, how is she dealing with it?”

“She seemed happy, content to have them near, but she still doesn’t remember them.”

“Are they okay?”

They seem okay right now, I think Jake almost seems unfazed, but I can tell Madi and Aden are worried”

“That’s natural for them to feel, their mom doesn’t remember them”

Abby then sighed and sat down beside Lexa.

“The doctors say they can discharge her in another 2-3 days.” Abby said.

“So she can come home then?” Lexa asked.

“Yes”

“That’s great, I think it’ll help with the memories if she’s back home and surrounded by her family” Lexa said confidently.

“Lexa, I want you to understand and come to terms with the idea, that there’s a 50-50 chance of that happening”

Lexa looked down at the floor.

“I know Abby. But that’s a hard pill to swallow, and I’ve done my grieving for it for the day. Right now, all I want to believe is that she’ll remember loving me, she’ll remember me loving her, and she’ll remember our life together if she spends enough time surrounded by her family. I don’t want to think about the possibilities of anything else”

“You have to remember to be patient with her…”Abby said.

“You don’t need to tell me how to be with my wife Abby, I care for her more than I care for myself, and I will wait as long as it takes, but she has to remember again, she has to”

“And if she doesn’t?”

“Then… I don’t know Abby… I’m not planning for that outcome”

Abby sighed and placed a comforting hand on Lexa’s shoulder.

“Don’t get me wrong, I love both of you, you’re like a daughter to me too, I don’t want to see you hurt, and neither do I want to see her struggle”

“I won’t ever push her. You should know that about me.”

“Okay. I’m going to tell her today, that we’ll be taking her home soon.”

“Yea, sure”

It was 8 pm now, and Lexa stepped inside the room, to find the kids animatedly telling Clarke stories. She had walked in on a story about something that happened in Maid’s dance class.

“Hey kids, I’m sorry to interrupt, but it’s time to head home, tomorrow’s a school day” Lexa said, not making direct eye contact with Clarke yet.

Made and Aden both got up hesitantly, and kissed Clarke goodbye. Clarke seemed content and hugged them really tight.

Jake however seemed to be getting worked up at the idea of being taken away from his momma right now, and when Aden tried to take him from Clarke’s lap, he started crying and throwing a tantrum

“I don’t want to go! I want to stay with Momma” he whined.

Clarke looked utterly overwhelmed, the little one needed her so much and her heart broke.

“Jakey, baby, we can come see momma again tomorrow, she needs rest, and you need to sleep in your bed too” Lexa tried coaxing him.

“NO! I don’t want to go.” he screamed, crying bitterly now. 

Lexa approached closer to try and coax the little boy, when Clarke finally spoke up, and this time, Lexa saw her eyes slightly brimming a little with tears.

“Is it alright if he stays for a while, please… I want to spend some more time with him too… if that’s okay?” Clarke asked Lexa as if Jake was not her own to decide for him too.

“Yea, I mean, of course. But I just thought maybe you’re tired…” Lexa said.

Clarke looked tired, so very tired, she could fall asleep any moment, but the way she was holding distressed little Jake close to her right now, Lexa would be damned if she tried to break them apart.

“I’m okay, I want to cuddle with him some more.” Clarke said.

And Lexa saw the fear in her eyes, she was scared for him, she was worried because he’d obviously been very sad at the idea of being away from his mom again.

“Okay, yea, that’s fine. I can take him home later.” Lexa then turned to Aden and Madi and said, “You two head home with Anya okay? I’ll come home with Aden later tonight.”

Aden nodded.

“When is mom coming back home?” Madi asked when they’d walked out of the room.

“Just another 2-3 days” Lexa told them.

“Okay” Madi said.

“You’ve been crying” Aden said, when Madi walked on ahead to find Anya.

Lexa chuckled sadly

“No Aden. I haven’t” she tried to deny it.

“Yes you have, I can tell” Aden said.

Lexa put her arms around him and hugged him tight.

“I’m okay, alright. You guys don’t need to worry about me. Your momma didn’t marry just anyone. I’ve got this. I’m going to make sure everything goes back to normal as soon as possible, I’m going make sure your mom comes back home and she eventually gets back all her memories of you three”

“And what about you?”

“Me too, hun. Me too”

When Lexa returned to the room after Madi and Aden had left with Anya,   
she found both mother and son, sound asleep, cuddling.

The sight warmed her heart, and all she wanted to do was sit there and stare at them, and pretend that this was normal. That Clarke’s memories were all intact, and any moment she would wake up now and want a kiss.

Clarke did wake up, but her eyes still gazed upon Lexa like she was a stranger. And Lexa didn’t know how long more she could take that until she would break again.

“Lexa, have you been crying?” Clarke asked softly, not wanting to wake her sleeping son up.

“Huh?”

“Your eyes, they’re red-ish, and slightly puffy. Did you cry today?”

“No. No, I didn’t cry, why would I cry, I don’t cry” Lexa rambled.

Clarke raised an eyebrow at her.

“You’re lying” Clarke said.

Lexa exhaled.

“I need you to be honest with me Lexa. You’re my wife. If we’re going to work on getting my memories back, I want you to be honest with me”

Lexa exhaled heavily.

“You’re right. I did. But I’m fine. It’s just. This is… um…”

“Difficult” Clarke finished for her. Lexa nodded.

“I’m sorry” Clarke said.

“No please, don’t. Don’t apologize, baby” the endearment left her lips so naturally.

Clarke smiled slightly and Lexa winced that she let it slip so nonchalantly. 

“Is that what you call me?”

Lexa smiled now and looked away. “Well, yea, sometimes” she said.

“What else do you call me?” Clarke asked, intrigued.

“You want to know now?” Lexa asked back.

“Yes”

“I call you baby, sweetheart, Clarke- to annoy you sometimes, Mrs. Woods”

Clarke laughed at that.

“What?” Lexa asked.

“It’s just that, I remember when I was younger, I told myself I would never take another name” Clarke said.

“I know” Lexa said. “I remember”

“You must really be something.” Clarke said.

“Well, we’re married, and you did take my name, in fact you insisted,” Lexa chuckled at the memory she knew Clarke didn’t have right now.

“So I guess I must have been something” Lexa said. “Am something” Lexa added.

There was a short pause then, where Clarke took the time to play in Jake’s hair, kiss over his head. Lexa simply watched.

She watched Clarke’s face. She missed her wife. She missed her so much, her heart ached. But she quickly tried to distract herself, because the tears were coming back and she didn’t want Clarke to see.

But it was too late.

“You’re allowed to be hurt you know. We’re married, and I don’t remember you at all. You’re allowed to cry about that, it can’t be easy” Clarke admitted, being her best objective self.

“Well, it’s tougher on you” Lexa said.

“That doesn’t t invalidate what you feel” Clarke said.

Lexa chuckled sadly. Clarke was still the empathetic human being she always was. Her heart, always pure as ever.

“I want to remember you. I want to remember my life with you, I want to remember having our kids together… I really do… and I hope that’s enough for you for now” Clarke said.

Lexa wiped at the tear falling down her cheek and nodded.

“Yes. It is.” Lexa said, unable to form words.

Clarke saw Lexa’s gaze shift down to her lips for a millisecond and back up to her eyes.

“You want to kiss me” Clarke said.

“Uhh... no, I mean, yes, but, no, you’re not… you don’t…” Lexa stumbled upon her own words.

“Lexa. You’re still a stranger to me…I don’t mean that in a bad way, it’s just, I don’t know you, yet…”

“No. I would never force you to…”

Clarke laughed, interrupting Lexa, “I’ll remember you. You seem like someone who can’t be forgotten…” Clarke said.

And Lexa nodded, looking down at Clarke’s hand, Clarke offered it out and Lexa took it. And they just sat there holding hands until Clarke fell back asleep.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

4 days later.

Lexa was driving. Raven was in the passenger seat.

Abby and Clarke were in the backseat.

“Hey, you don’t have to feel nervous, this is your own home you know, if anything, it’ll only bring back memories” Abby reassured Clarke, reaching over and holding her hand.

Lexa looked over at Clarke through the rear view mirror, and saw she was nervous. She was nervous to go back to her own home. Their home. Because she didn’t know where it was, how it looked, what it felt like.

Clarke simply took her mom’s hand and offered a smile back.

“Are the kids at home?” Clarke asked all of a sudden, her gaze directed at Raven instead of Lexa. Raven looked at Lexa first, before turning a little in her seat and saying

“No, ummm they’re at school, they’ll be back in a few hours though.”

“Oh” Clarke said, sounding a little disappointed.

“Lexa thought it would be better for you to come home and settle in first, cause they will be quite the whirlwind when they see you’re back home”

“Okay, yea, that makes sense I guess” Clarke said, looking out the window.

“Jake’s at home though” Lexa felt the need to add

“Oh, okay, great” Clarke said.

Just then Lexa’s phone, mounted to the car dashboard started ringing.

Clarke managed a peek at the caller ID.

‘Costia’ she saw.

Lexa picked up

“Hey, Cos, I’m driving, we’re taking Clarke home today. Yea me too. Sure. Can I call you back in like 20? Yea sure.”

Clarke wanted to ask who it was. But feared she wouldn’t know even if Lexa explained. So she kept mum about it. She did however notice Lexa’s gaze on her through the rear view mirror that lingered a second longer than it should have after she disconnected the call.

‘Costia’ she closed her eyes and tried hard to recall. Needing to search ever corner of her brain. Who could it be, was she related to them? Is she a business partner? Clarke was told about Lexa working at a law firm, but it would be a long time before she starts learning names of Lexa’s colleagues.

“You okay back there?” Lexa’s voice brought all of their attention to Clarke.

“Yea, yea, I’m fine” Clarke said

“Okay, another 10 minutes, alright? We’re almost there” Lexa said, thinking maybe Clarke was getting tired of sitting in the car.

Clarke nodded.

When Lexa stopped in front of the door and dug her pockets for her keys, she was fully aware of Clarke’s nervousness. She could feel it. It was always like that between the two of them. She could feel Clarke’s energy and Clarke could feel hers. She wondered if Clarke could feel hers right now.

Lexa had noticed everything from the moment Clarke got out of the car and looked up at the building, to the way she carefully walked behind all 3 of them, following them into the lobby of the building. In the elevator, Raven turned to her and smiled and she smiled back.

Raven reached out and took her hand and she visibly relaxed. Lexa felt grateful for having Raven here.

Lexa turned the key in the door and pushed it open, and moved to the side to Let Clarke walk in first

“Welcome back” she said with a warm smile

Clarke smiled back and walked in.

They followed her inside, watching her carefully, because this moment right here could be everything or nothing at all.

Lexa’s heart was racing, would coming back home change anything? Would it at least stir up some memories of living here, even if she couldn’t remember loving here.

Clarke walked in through the hallway, then entered the living room, her eyes were slowly taking it all in, she gave herself the time and patience to absorb the place, it was huge, beautifully maintained, this was hers. A place she and Lexa owned together. This was her home, and yet she’d never felt so far away about anything.

She took a deep breath, willing herself to be patient with herself, she walked towards the kitchen, and allowed herself to move her hand along the kitchen aisle as she walked around it, feeling the cool slab against her fingers, she touched the cabinets, the coffee machine, she stopped there an extra few seconds cause knowing her, she probably used that machine a lot

“Can I make you some coffee?” came Lexa’s voice from the kitchen aisle.

Clarke turned around to look at her, a blank expression on her face.

She nodded in the negative. Lexa’s expression grew worried, and that only worked Clarke up further.

She walked out of the kitchen, hasting past Lexa.

And on coming back to the living room, she found Abby sitting on the couch and Raven sitting on the arm of the couch waiting her out and the minute she entered they both stood up.

“You okay?” Raven asked.

“I… uh…” Clarke looked pale as she tried to get words out.

“Hey, sit down, come here…” Raven rushed to her and held her, leading her to sit on the couch.

Lexa quickly got her a glass of water and came to kneel down before her, but Clarke sat back, threw her head back to look up and took deep breaths

“Hey, look at me… what are you thinking?” Lexa tried

“Please just give me a moment…” Clarke said.

“Of course” Lexa said softly, feeling helpless and horrible. She wanted to help her wife out, she really did, but if Clarke never let her….

Clarke allowed herself to be in her head for a moment, it was the way they were looking at her, the expectation, the expectation to remember something, the disappointment they’d all have on their faces when she tells them there was still nothing, nothing at all, and she hated herself for it, who doesn’t remember their own home, who doesn’t remember their own family? The tears were threatening to fall, they were right there behind her eyes, waiting to fall when

“You don’t have to say anything, you don’t have to force yourself to remember anything, this is your home regardless of the past”

Lexa’s voice.

There was a beautiful comfort flowing from her words, a sense of calm washed over her at that admittance. Lexa was giving her an out, letting her know that at least she didn’t not want to burden Clarke with expectations right now.

So when Clarke opened her eyes and saw that Lexa was looking at her with the most caring gaze ever, what made her burst out into tears was the freedom she suddenly felt from the shackles of expectations she walked into the house with.

Ravens arms wrapped around her tight and she felt Raven kiss in her hair.

“It’s okay. You’re fine. You’re home, you’re safe” Raven repeated to her, and Clarke thanked her stars for the people surrounding her right now, even though one of the 3 of them was still a total mystery to her.

After she had calmed down,

“You should lay down honey, you must be tired from the drive” Abby suggested.

Clarke nodded. She looked around. 

“I’ll show you to the bedroom…” Lexa said.

Clarke got up then, and followed Lexa upstairs.

When she approached the bedroom door, the thought suddenly hit Clarke, this was ‘their’ bedroom. She stopped in her tracks.

“Uhh… is there a guest bedroom I could use…” Lexa stopped in her tracks and turned around to look at her

“There is, but why would you want to use the guest bedroom, this is your room.”

“I... I just.. don’t want to…”

It took Lexa a while to catch onto her train of thought.

“No. you don’t need to worry about having that conversation. I want you to use this room, I’ll be sleeping in the guest bedroom tonight, unless you need something, I’ll just be a call away”

Clarke appreciated that she understood. as much as she hated that she implied it, but it would make her uncomfortable, sleeping in the same bed with a woman who is her wife, who she’s probably had sex with innumerable time in that very bed, and yet here she was, with no such memory of it, and an awkwardness at the thought of sharing a bed with her.

“You should know that I hate doing this” Clarke felt the need to say.

“No Clarke, I understand. It’s all very fresh to you right now. I want you to know I’ll wait. However long it takes. I don’t ever want to pressure you into feeling or thinking anything. Just… don’t give up, okay?”

“I won’t. I told you, I want to remember you” Clarke assured. Lexa nodded. Led her into their room, showed her the bathroom in case she wanted to freshen up, and showed her where her clothes were in case she wanted to change into more comfortable stuff.

“My name is saved on your phone as ‘Wifey’, in case you need anything, just give me a ring, I’ll be downstairs prepping lunch with Abby”

Lexa said before leaving.

“Wait, where’s Jake?”

“He’s asleep, just down the hallway. Don’t worry, he’ll be up in a few hours, and you can see him when you’re awake. And Aden and Madi I’ll be home not too long after that, so you’ll see them too”

“Okay” Clarke said.

“Okay” Lexa said before turning to leave the room.

“Lexa?” Clarke called out. Lexa turned to face her.

“Thank you, for understanding, and being patient with me”

Lexa smiled softly. “Always. I got you, Clarke.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're back with another update to tear our your heart. :P Okay no that's not my intention. (but maybe it is.) Just, let me know the state of your heart by the end of this.

**Chapter 13 **

That evening when Clarke woke up, it was way past lunch time. 4 pm, she saw on a bedside alarm clock. She went into the bathroom, and took her time to freshen up. Splashed some water on her face, tied her hair up into a bun and took a few minutes to just stare at herself in the mirror before her. She opened up the cabinet behind the mirror to find a pair of toothbrushes.

One was probably Lexa’s. She would need to ask which one was hers. She huffed. The moved to the shower cubicle and noticed a set of toiletries, and she hated that from the three varieties of shampoos there, she didn’t know what her preference was. And even worse, she had no clue what her wife’s preference was.

She walked back out to where the wardrobe was, opened it and mindlessly picked out a comfortable t-shirt to change into. 

She walked downstairs to find everyone seated in the living room, she stopped on the staircase to take in everyone.

Raven, Lexa, Madi and Jake. Where was Aden? Had Abby left?

“Clarke, you’re up!” Raven said from the couch when she spotted her.

“Mom!” Madi exclaimed, and made her way halfway up the stairs to a smiling Clarke who had her arms open to greet her daughter again.

“I’m so glad you’re back home again”

Clarke wanted to say she’s happy to be home again, but the place was still growing on her. It didn’t feel like home yet.

“I’m just happy to see you, baby girl.”

“Come on, I’ll tell you want happened at Football practice today” Madi took her hand and led her down the last few steps.

Lexa had gotten up from her seat then and asked

“Are you hungry? I’ll warm up lunch for you”

“Actually, no, I’m not feeling too hungry right now” Clarke said.

“Okay… later then…?” Lexa asked.

“Yea, for sure.” Clarke said to her, while being pulled to the couch by Madi.

Lexa had prepared Clarke’s favourite pasta for lunch. It was a long shot, but any chance that anything could bring back a memory, even if it was a small one, Lexa wanted to take it.

“Where’s Aden?” Clarke asked, looking between Raven and Lexa

“At track practice” Madi replied so nonchalantly, that Clarke figured it was something he probably did regularly and she’s supposed to know about it.

“I’m sorry, you… you probably don’t remember that…” Madi said carefully, hating herself for assuming.

“That’s okay…”

“Aden’s in the track team, and Madi plays for the school’s women’s football team” Raven filled in for her.

“Alright, I’ll remember that” Clarke said, now looking and Madi with a warm smile, hoping to not make the girl feel bad.

Lexa looked on from the other couch, as Jake climbed into Clarke’s lap from Raven’s arms, and Madi rambled to her about the day’s events at school, being extra careful to explain who ever person she was mentioning was.

Clarke looked like she was keen on making the effort to memorize the names, take all of it in.

But Lexa couldn’t help but feel a little sorrow, that Clarke, at this point in time, doesn’t remember Madi’s first game, neither the goals she’d scored, neither the kisses of pride they’d shared on the bleachers every time she lifted a trophy with her team, and the same for all of Aden’s achievements so far.

Lexa tried to break herself out of the reverie. She should stay positive through this. This was no one’s fault, they should only look forward, maybe sometime she can sit Clarke down and tell her about all those sweet victories, and also about the hard losses, about how their children have been taught by them to handle defeat just as well as they handle victory.

Clarke herself had been so instrumental in instilling those values in them, every time they drove back home from a game or a marathon, Clarke would be the one comforting them in the car, explaining to them how as young sports people, they should imbibe the spirit of the game.

Aden came home soon enough, and then Abby returned with some groceries she felt she needed to stock their fridge up with.

By the time it was evening, Clarke looked even more tired than she did when they brought her home, and Lexa could see it, if no one else.

“Clarke, I think you should get some rest, you look tired” Lexa suddenly spoke, interrupting Aden’s anecdote about school today that he was narrating to them all.

“I’m fine, don’t worry about it” Clarke said to her.

About an hour later, Jake pulled on her arm to tell her to build his Lego castle with him, and she happily obliged

“Jake honey, I think your mom needs some sleep now” Lexa said.

“Lexa, I’m okay. Building a castle won’t hurt.” Clarke said, and Jake looked over-joyed.

Lexa let it go. She went into the kitchen to heat up dinner.

They were all seated around the table ready to dig in, when Lexa got up and said

“Wait, Clarke, you have some meds to take before dinner”

Lexa went upstairs and returned with a bunch of pills and a glass of water and offered them to Clarke.

“Thank you” Clarke said quietly and took them quickly.

Once they’d begun eating, it was all fun and chatter again, Lexa noticed that Clarke did enjoy her food, but nothing seemed to have stirred any memories yet, and she comforted herself internally saying, that’s alright, maybe another dish might do it for her, maybe some other time.

She did however notice Clarke yawning, towards the end of her meal.

So when the kids suggested a movie marathon after dinner and ran off into the living room,

Lexa started picking up the dishes and said

“Clarke, you don’t need to stay up, you’re really exhausted…”

“LEXA! I’m an adult. I’m perfectly capable of telling when I’m tired and when I need sleep, will you please just…” Clarke couldn’t form the words, she also knew her snapping that way was very uncalled for, Lexa was just worried about her. Maybe she really was tired and cranky, but now she’d said what she shouldn’t have.

“I just… you’re on heavy meds, you’re just back from the hospital, it’s probably a lot to take in.”

“I’m aware of all of that” Clarke said back, not looking at her directly.

Lexa nodded then, and Raven looked between the two of them, knowing how hard this must be for them both.

“Okay, cool it everyone. Clarke honey, if you’re up for movies, that’s fine. Lexa was just concerned is all” Abby felt the need to say.

Clarke stayed quiet. Lexa took the dishes to the sink and began washing them. She heard the rest of them go over into the living room.

“She didn’t mean to snap” Raven said, having come to help her with drying the dishes as she washed them.

“I know”

“I think she’s feeling the need to make it up to the kids that she doesn’t remember so much about their lives”

“I’m aware that’s what she’s doing” Lexa replied.

“She’s going to be this way for a while, put yourself in her shoes, it’s really difficult to have no memory, to be living in a home with strangers”

“I understand. I just don’t want her to tire herself out too much, she doesn’t sleep well when she’s overly-tired.”

Raven smiled.

“See! These are insights about her, only you know… And it’ll take her a while to see that about you, to see why she loves you, why you’re her everything. You’re a name to her right now, Lexa. She’ll get to know you all over again.

“What if she doesn’t love the Lexa she gets to know now?”

There it was. Lexa’s fear, out there for Raven to analyse.

“Why do you think that could happen?”

“Our love grew with us, we went through so much, we changed, and we managed to change our style of loving with it, but if she has no memory of all of that, then she’s getting to know this me, without any context of what we were and what we’ve become to each other”

“Oh sweetie, you’re over thinking this” Raven said, pulling Lexa in for a hug.

“It’s her first day back home, she’s antsy, on edge about everything, give her some time. She’ll come to you”

“Raven, do you mind staying for a few days?”

“No, not at all” Raven replied.

“It’s just, I can see she’s more comfortable having you around, and I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable in her own home”

“Sure, I’ll be here, for both of you in fact. Until you kick me out, I’ll be here” Raven said with a smile, and Lexa chuckled.

When the two of them returned to the living room, the kids were literally draped around Clarke. Jake on her lap, Madi on her right, leaning her head on her shoulder, and Aden to her left.

Their eyes were glued to the screen, as was Abby’s, sitting on the single seater couch to the side.

Raven pushed her butt in the little space left near Aden.

Lexa picked up her book from under the coffee table and sat on the single seater couch opposite Abby’s and continued reading from where she left off.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14 **

Clarke could feel Madi had fallen asleep on her shoulder. Jake had leaned in and rested his face just above her chest and was playing with her hair, also seeming to be falling asleep. Aden was still wide-eyed, watching the movie.

Clarke took a moment to glance over at Lexa. Her wife. She was engrossed in her book. Clarke felt bad about how she handled the situation earlier. She hated herself for snapping at Lexa. Lexa was just concerned for her. Any caring wife would be. But in that moment, she hadn’t thought about it. She was irritated, because going to bed would mean missing this, this moment with her children wrapped around her like she was their world.

But Clare was Lexa’s wife, and that meant, in some way, Clarke was Lexa’s world. And in an unknown-to-her manner. Lexa was supposed to be her world too. They are married.

Clarke hadn’t put on the ring when they gave her her personal effects back. And she wondered if Lexa noticed.

Well, of course she did. Things like that matter to married people. Right?

She didn’t realize she was still staring, until Lexa looked up from her book and her eyes met Clarke’s.

Lexa raised an eyebrow in question, Clarke quickly looked back at the TV screen, having being caught staring.

About two minutes later, the credits of the movie rolled in, and Raven stood up and stretched and yawned. Aden got up too and did the same.

“Come on buddy, time to sleep. Head on up” Raven said to him.

“Yea yea, I’m going. Goodnight, Mom” Aden leaned in and kissed Clarke’s cheek, and Clarke melted.

Lexa was approaching them now and said

“Okay, let me take this big guy off your shoulders” Lexa reached in and lifted Jake off Clarke’s body and kissed his sleeping head.

“I’m going to go tuck him in for the night”

Madi stirred awake too, but instead of moving away, she nuzzled her face into her momma’s neck and said “I’m so happy you’re home again. We missed you, all of us”

Raven watched as Clarke’s eyes teared up. She wanted to say she missed them too. She really wanted to.

“I’m back now, and I’m not going anywhere, I promise” Clarke said instead, and Raven smiled at the sight.

Madi kissed Clarke’s cheek and said goodnight, and then walked upstairs.

“When it comes to great kids, you won the jackpot” Raven said to Clarke who seemed frozen in her seat.

“I did, didn’t I?”

“Aha. Wife too” Raven added and noticed Clarke’s face changed. She looked down at her hands on her lap and then looked back up at Raven and asked

“I keep messing it up with her, don’t I?” Clarke asked timidly.

Raven laughed and sat back down with Clarke.

“Wow, you took me back to our college days with that statement right there.”

“Really? I have always been this way with her?” Clarke asked, shocked that maybe she was just a bitch all the time”

“No no, of course not. You’ve loved that woman with everything inside you. I’ve never seen a more fierce love.”

“Then I’m definitely ruining my marriage now, with the way I snapped at her today” Clarke said.

“Hey it’s okay, it was a hard day for you today. She was hurt, but she understands.”

“I should apologize anyway though, right?”

“That’s up to you” Raven said. “There’s going to be more hard days, you’re aware of that, right?”

“I know”

“It’s easy to fall back in love with your own children, but with Lexa, you’re going to have to re-learn your brand of loving”

“Raven... can I ask you something that you promise not to tell Lexa about” Clakre suddenly asked very carefully.

“Yes, of course, anything”

“What happens if I don’t fall back in love with Lexa? What if I never remember her, what if she’s not someone I can live my life with…” Clarke had tears in her eyes even while asking that questions.

Raven thought for a moment.

“Clarke, when you changed into this t-shirt, what made you pick this exact one?”

“This… I don’t know… it was right there, I guess it was the most convenient option”

“I’m getting the feeling it’s more than that. I’m going to take the only explanation that makes sense to me as to why you picked out that particular t-shirt” Clarke looked so confused.

“That’s Lexa’s t-shirt. She wears it at night to sleep. You used to wear it on nights when she’s travelling out of town because you felt like it always smelled of her, and you wanted to feel that closeness every time she was away”

Clarke sat there speechless, not knowing how to react.

“You see, that could be a total coincidence. I mean, as you said, you just picked out what was right in front of you, but the hopeful in me wants to believe there was an instinct that made you pick it out. Maybe your instincts will always remember even if you don’t, but I don’t know, I’m just speculating. What I do know is that Lexa’s heart leaped when she saw you in it. She may have even gotten a little hopeful at the sight, but knew that it couldn’t be that easy.”

Clarke looked deep in thought.

“To answer your question, if you never fall back in love with Lexa, we’ll just have to find a solution that works for both of you and the kids…”

“I would never want to hurt any of them…”

“I know… that’s who you are. So how about this, don’t think of that possibility right now, you have a family and friends that love and care for you with all their heart, cherish it, and if there really comes a day when none of that seems fulfilling to you, you tell me about it, and we’ll work something out okay.”

Clarke nodded.

“Okay Clarkey, I could sit here all night with you and wonder about the what ifs, but I’ve got to get some sleep”

“You’re staying?”

“Lexa asked me to stay. She’s pretty aware of how scared and awkward you must feel”

Clarke nodded, already feeling grateful for Lexa’s foresight.

“Where are you sleeping?” Clarke asked.

“This trusty old couch your hot ass has been warming for the past 2 hours.” Raven replied.

Clarke laughed and stood up.

“I’ll head upstairs then, to my room” Clarke said.

“Goodnight Clarke”

“Goodnight, Rae”

Clarke took a few steps towards the staircase and then turned back around and said “You can come sleep with me, you know?”

“Have sex with you and then be murdered by Lexa? I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Raven said, as she laid out a blanket on the couch.

“That’s not what I meant, I meant sleep, real shut-eye sleep.” Clarke offered with a chuckle.

“I’ll be fine here. And if you’re worried about sleeping alone, Lexa’s going to be just a room away from you, she’ll get you anything you need, okay?”

Clarke nodded and walked upstairs.

When she approached the room, she heard a sound from inside, and guessed Lexa was there. So when she knocked and pushed the door open, she wasn’t surprised to see Lexa rummaging through a drawer.

She had picked out some clothes and was then alerted of Clarke standing there ion the soft dim lights of the room.

“Clarke, sorry, I’ll be out in a minute, I just came to take a change of clothes.” Lexa said, not really making eye contact.

“Lexa, I’m sorry about earlier, I shouldn’t have snapped at you”

Lexa now shuffled the stuff in her arms and looked up at her wife, standing so very far away from her, she hated it.

“That’s okay. The day must have been over whelming for you”

“You’re a really caring person, Lexa.”

Lexa chuckled. It was weird, hearing her wife saying these things, but Lexa understood.

“I’m just trying to make things feel comfortable for you” Lexa admitted.

Clarke nodded. Then Clarke noticed the post-its and pen in Lexa’s hands, and when Lexa caught her gaze, she felt the need to explain.

“I’ve tagged some of the toiletries in the bathroom, so you don’t get confused with your shampoos and moisturizers and mine. I mean it wouldn’t make a difference if you used mine, it’s just that, you have a preference and I know you may not remember it. But if you feel the preference doesn’t matter feel free to use mine too”

Lexa was rambling and Clarke found it cute, the effort she had taken.

“Thank you” Clarke said.

“Okay” Lexa replied.

“Okay” Clarke said, not knowing what to do next. She looked around the room. Their bed was big. Huge.

“You know, I’d be perfectly okay with taking the guest room, you don’t need to do that for me”

“We discussed this, I want you to feel at home. So no, I won’t let you convince me otherwise.” Lexa began walking towards the door. She stopped there for a moment then and turned to Clarke.

“I have one question though…”

“What is it?”

“This t-shirt… is there any specific reason you picked it out when you changed today?”

Clarke looked down at the t-shirt. She knew what her wife wanted to hear, but she couldn’t lie to her.

“No, it was just there, I just picked it out” Clarke replied, and she saw the slight changes in Lexa’s hopeful little smile. She was still smiling, but the hopefulness was gone. And Clarke hated herself a little bit for it.

“It’s just that…” Lexa felt she needed to explain why she asked.

“Raven told me…” Clarke said.

“Okay” Lexa replied.

There was an awkward silence then between them until Lexa spoke.

“If you need anything at all, I’m just in the next room okay. Anything at all. Reach out to me, alright?” Lexa told her

“Okay”

“Your meds are on the bedside table with a glass of water, don’t forget to take them before you sleep” Lexa said.

“Thank you. Again. Goodnight Lexa”

“Goodnight Clarke” Lexa said and then walked on down the hallway.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15 **

When Clarke closed the door to the room, she leaned back against it and took a deep breath, she then quickly took the T-shirt off and brought it close to her face to breathe it in.

It had a beautiful scent, but that was the detergent right? And she could smell her own self on it now from wearing it all these hours. She knew she probably didn’t remember the scent of Lexa’s skin.

She thought about what Raven said, about how maybe it was instinct. And she couldn’t forget the look of hope that Lexa had on when she just asked her why she had picked out that T-shirt. She made a decision then, to follow her instinct. It might lead her to do all the right things, maybe her instinct knew better than she did right now, maybe that part of her brain, of her nervous system could get things right. And if it would bring even a sliver of hope to her family, to her wife, then she should give it a fighting chance.

  
She freshened up in the bathroom, then went over to the bed, picked up the pills Lexa had left there for her, took them, and laid down in that ever comfortable bed, pulling those heavenly covers over her. She wondered if Lexa was comfortable in the guest room.

Clarke struggled to fall asleep, but ultimately, the meds began to work, and put her to sleep in an hours’ time.

Lexa however was tossing and turning. She was trying to stay alert. What if Clarke needed something, what if she had a nightmare, what if she got hungry, she wanted to be awake to listen for a knock on the door, or a message on her phone or a ring on her phone. She knew it was ridiculous, she couldn’t keep this up every night, it was detrimental to her own health, but it was Clarke’s first night back, and she was worried for her.

After two hours of no interest in trying to sleep, Lexa got up from the bed. She paced in the room. And finally stepped out and walked towards her own bedroom. The door was slightly ajar, so she peeked in, only to find Clarke sound asleep.

It was 2 am in the morning. Of course she’d be fast asleep. But Lexa couldn’t tear her stare away now. Clarke looked beautiful, so at peace, and so rested. She needed this sleep. She must have been so tired today after everything, something she was being so stubborn to admit. Lexa chuckled to herself about how Clarke’s inherent qualities were all still there, she was the same Clarke she fell in love with all those years ago, the fierce, caring heart was still the same. It just probably didn’t remember it had found a mate.

When Lexa woke up the next day and looked at her fitness band, she jumped out of bed realizing she had slept in too long, way past her usual 7 am wake.

She quickly put on a robe and hurried downstairs, surprised to find the kids already up and seated at the kitchen island, munching on breakfast, she figured maybe Raven prepared breakfast. But then she saw Raven siting right next to them with Jake in her arms. Anya walked in through the front door and greeted Raven with a kiss before ruffling up Jake’s hair and waving over to Aden and Madi too. Lexa walked down the last few stairs and then saw Clarke behind the kitchen counter.

“Morning mom” Madi said, when Lexa kissed over her head, and then went on to do that to Aden and Jake too, she then came around the counter, still in shock at the breakfast spread before her and said to Clarke,

“You did all of this?”

“If you tell me right now, I never used to make breakfast before, this would be a total bummer” Clarke said.

Lexa laughed.

“No no, you’ve made breakfast before, it’s just… I didn’t expect you to, on your second day back here.”

Clarke smiled, and Lexa smiled back. It was warm and comforting, and it took everything in Lexa to not lean in and steal a kiss from her wife’s beautiful lips.

Lexa’s eyes even glanced down quickly at her lips and Clarke picked up on what she was thinking. Lexa immediately felt the need to get out of here. She took a deep breath and said

“I’m going to go take a shower and then be back for breakfast…” she said as she backed away, Clarke nodded

“Slept well?” Raven asked her as she passed by

“Got a few hours’ sleep, was fine” Lexa replied to Raven. Clarke didn’t miss her answer. She hadn’t slept well in that guest bedroom. 

Lexa’s eyes suddenly fell on Aden’s plate before him.

“Since when did you start eating eggs?” Lexa asked, and Clarke stopped what she was doing to look at Aden.

Aden looked up at Clarke, then to his right at Lexa,

“I’ve never had anything against them” Aden said non-0chalantly, picking at his omelette, and taking a bite and eating it, not wanting to take this conversation further,

“Wait, Aden doesn’t eat eggs?” Clarke asked Lexa now. 

And while Lexa had already connected the dots of what was happening, she hadn’t thought forward enough to predict what could happen next.

“Aden, you could have told me, I would have prepared something else” Clarke said softly to her young son.

“I didn’t want to disappoint you, you looked so happy and in your element while you were whipping up omelettes for everyone else, that when you plated one for me, I didn’t want to say no.” Aden said, slightly embarrassed. He then turned to Lexa and said “Way to ruin mom’s happy morning, mom.” And he got up off his seat and walked upstairs.

“Aden come back here, don’t leave breakfast like that”

“They’re your favourite, you can eat ‘em”

Clarke learned two things in that moment.

  1. Aden was feeling the pressure of wanting to make his mom feel at home, of not disappointing her or being the cause for her to doubt herself.
  2. Omelettes were Lexa’s favourite. She had woken up this morning, come downstairs and had decided on making omelettes. Omelettes were Lexa’s favourite breakfast.

“I should go talk to him” Lexa said, excusing herself from them, but then Clarke had come around the counter and stopped Lexa and said

“Can I?”

Lexa thought about it for a moment, but then nodded.

When Lexa came downstairs after a shower and picked up the plate left for her, she couldn’t help but smile.

Raven who was still seated next to her feeling Jake was the only one still at the kitchen counter.

“She made omelettes” Lexa said with a smirk.

“Don’t gloat, it could be a total coincidence. Plus it’s the easiest to prepare.” Raven said, knowing full well where Lexa’s brain was at.

“I don’t care. My Clarke made omelettes for breakfast today.”

Raven smirked too then. Fine, have your moment” she said.

“Aden, can I come in?” Clarke asked from outside his door after knocking once.

“Yea” his voice sounded upset.

When she entered his room, she noticed a lot of things, like posters of rock bands, some stickers from his school sports leagues on his wardrobe, she had questions, she wanted to know who those bands were, his favourites of course, moms were supposed to know these things.

“Aden, you mind tell me what happened downstairs”

“I already told you downstairs”

“Tell me again”

“I didn’t want to disappoint you. I know it’s not easy for you, cause you don’t remember so much, and I didn’t want to add to the things you don’t remember by telling you that I don’t eat eggs”

Clarke sat down beside him on his bed, put an arm around him and pulled him close, kissing his forehead.

“What I find really sweet is that you thought you could lie to me like that and then forever after that have me believe you have no problem eating eggs. It shows me what a thoughtful child I’ve raised through all these years”

Aden smiled at that.

“But that’s just it right, you’re my son. My child. Mine. I don’t want you making those kind of sacrifices for me. It’s not doing me any good if you hide truths from me to make me feel better. I feel like shit knowing I can’t remember everything about your favourite foods, your favourite songs and all of it, but it would make me feel like a total idiot if you try to dilute the truth just to make me feel better. In fact if you had just told me you didn’t eat eggs I would have stored that under a new folder I’ve created in my head called ‘important information’.”

Aden chuckled at that.

“I’m sorry. Yea, when I think about it now, it was a stupid move” Aden said.

And Clarke chuckled.

“How about we start this over. Tell me what you like eating for breakfast. And then tell me about all these posters and stickers in your room”

“Okay” Aden said, with his ever charming smile, excited to give his mom a crash course on every quirk in his room.

Lexa had whipped herself a cup of coffee and was sitting at the kitchen counter with her laptop now, checking a few work emails, she figured she had a client call at about 2 pm in the afternoon.

“I’m going to be grabbing lunch with Anya today, you’re at home right?” Raven asked.

“Yep, don’t worry about it, you can head out with your fiancé whenever you want, you don’t need to take my permission for it” Lexa said, teasing.

Raven laughed, “Just making sure you’re at home when I’m not. Don’t want Clarke finding herself in an overwhelming situation.”

“Of course”

When Lexa was done with her client call, one that had kept her glued to her laptop screen in the study area for a full 2 hours, she came into the living room to find no one there.

“Clarke?” she called out.

She walked upstairs when she got no answer.

She knocked on Aden’s room and then pushed the door open, “Where’s your mom?”

“She was here a long while ago, then she said she was going to try and prepare something for lunch”

“She’s not downstairs” Lexa said, and then quickly moved to check with Madi, maybe Clarke was there.

“Madi, did your mom come in here?”

“No, I’ve been studying, she just came to check on me and then said she was going to make lunch”

Lexa looked worried. She hastened to her bedroom, checked the bathroom, then the guestroom, the guest room’s bathroom, Clarke was nowhere.

Aden and Madi were right behind her, also going through the rooms, but Clarke was nowhere. Lexa rang her mobile phone, but they heard the sound of her ring tone coming from the house. They ran downstairs and found her phone on the couch. Along with a book she was reading earlier.

“Shit! Clarke, where did you go?” Lexa mumbled to herself, getting super anxious.

“Mom, she’s gone to grocery store” Madi’s voice came from the doorway. Lexa ran over to find Clarke had left a note.

“We ran out of eggs, just going to pick some up and be back” she wrote.

“Mom, does she remember where the grocery store is?” Aden asked.

Lexa didn’t want to answer that question, more so because the answer terrified her.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While I kinda know where I'm taking this story, it would be great to hear from you guys if you'll want me to write any specific scenes, any particular interactions between the characters. Feel free to drop prompts in the comments.   
Don't forget to let me know what you thought about this update. Hopefully I'll have more for you by next weekend.   
Thanks once again for reading.

**Chapter 16 **

Lexa checked Clarke’s phone. There were unanswered messages from a little over an hour ago. Which meant, Clarke had been gone for an hour now. If she had found the grocery store, she should have been back by now.

Lexa moved at the speed of lightning. She pun on her sneakers and gave instructions to the kids to stay at home, she was going to drive around and find Clarke.

Madi looked worried.

“I’ll be back soon okay, with your mom, don’t worry, she couldn’t have gone far. I’ll bring her home, I’m going to call Aunt Raven and tell her to come home as soon as she can, okay? Stay put.”

Madi nodded. But Aden stood there with his arms folded across his chest.

The minute Lexa was out the door, she rang Raven up.

“Raven. She’s not at home. Clarke, Clarke’s not at home. She stepped out, I think while I was on that fuckin’ client call, she left for the grocery store, but she hasn’t come back, and she doesn’t have her phone and she doesn’t know how to get back home…” Lexa went on.

“Holy shit! Okay, Anya and I are leaving the restaurant now, tell me, where do you want us?” Raven asked.

“Aden and Madi are at home alone” Lexa stated.

“Got it, I’m going home, Anya’s going to drive around and see if she can spot her okay? Hang in there Woods, we’ll find her, the neighbourhood recognizes her…”

“Yea, we’ll find her. We’ll find her...” Lexa repeated to herself as she drove out of the building parking lot, internally panicking and trying so hard to stay positive. She lost her wife.

“I don’t know about you, Madi, but I can’t just sit around here doing nothing.” Aden said, pacing before the couch Madi was seated on.

“Yea me neither, I’m going to call up the grocery stores around here and see if they’d seen her” Madi said. 

“I’m going to go look for her” Aden said, picking up his bicycle helmet and keys.

“Aden, mom specifically said not to leave the house” Madi stated.

“What would you rather have me do, Madi?” Aden asked his sister.

She had no answer. “Yea I thought so too. Don’t worry, I have my phone on me, call me if anything comes up, or if mom calls you”

“Okay”

Lexa was driving around her eyes trying to scan the roads, the stores, the people, it was early evening on a Saturday, there were a lot of people moving about, she stopped by two grocery stores, went in, looked around frantically, asked everyone she could, but no one had seen a blonde haired woman the way Lexa described.

Lexa was this close to having a panic attack, where was she?! She prayed Clarke was safe, and okay, and holding her own until Lexa reaches her.

What if she met with another accident, what if she had an anxiety attack on realizing she can’t get back home, what if someone took advantage of…

“Come on Clarke, where are you?” she whispered to herself as she scanned the streets.

There was a text on her phone. It was Raven.

“I’m at home. Madi’s been calling up the neighbouring stores, they haven’t seen anyone of her description today, Aden left on his bicycle, to go look for her too. Any luck?”

Lexa did not have the time or the energy to reprimand Aden right now, he was out looking for his mom, and he might just find her.

“No” Lexa replied to Raven and continued her search.

It had been 2 whole hours of searching the neighbouring stores and streets. Lexa was scared beyond repair now. Raven had called Abby too, because if Clarke made her way back to Abby’s place, then at least they’d know she was safe. Abby and Kane sounded worried too, but Lexa assured them she had to be in the area and they shouldn’t leave home in case Clarke makes her way there.

Lexa got desperate, she parked the car and got to her feet, searching the nooks and corners of every street she turned into.

And then as if the heavens finally had mercy on her, she saw her.

Sitting on a bench outside an ice cream store.

Lexa ran over, Clarke looked calm, composed, but when Lexa got closer, she noticed the red rims around her eyes, she noticed her breathing was laboured, she was holding it all in.

“Clarke” she called out when she was closer, and the minute Clarke’s wandering eyes met hers, they broke. Her face contorted and the tears flowed down her cheeks, she shut her eyes tight as she felt Lexa wrap her arms tight around her

“You’re safe, you’re safe, I’ve got you, you’re safe, Oh my god, Clarke, baby…” Lexa comforted her, running her hand soothingly down her hair, letting her cry out her anxieties into her shoulder, 

“It’s okay now, I’m here, I’ll take you home… you’re safe…” she whispered into her wife’s temple as she comforted her and held her trembling body.

When she was sure Clarke had calmed down, she held her face and asked her “shall we go home now?"

Clarke nodded. She still hadn’t said a word, and that worried Lexa.

She kept her arm around Clarke, and helped her get up and led them to the car, she opened the passenger door, made sure she was seated okay, helped her with her seatbelt and then closed the door.

While making her way to the other side of the car, she texted Raven.

“She’s safe. I’m bringing her home” Lexa sent.

“Okay. I’ll tell the rest”

“She’s a little overwhelmed. So play it cool when we’re home. We’ll be there in 20”

“Roger that” Raven replied.

The drive back home was quiet. Clarke didn’t say a word.

“Are you hungry?” Lexa tried asking.

Clarke nodded in the negative.

“Okay” Lexa said.

Lexa’s phone buzzed. And it was mounted on the car’s dashboard beside the steering wheel, so Clarke saw the text too.

“Ask Clarke to call me later” the text from Abby read.

“You told my mom?” Clarke asked.

Lexa couldn’t tell if Clarke was upset about that or not.

“I did. We wanted to check if you made your way to her place… cause you remember…”

“Cause I’d remember my childhood home…” Clarke finished.

“Yea” Lexa said.

Then another text popped up on Lexa’s phone. A text from Raven that read.

“Aden’s home”

Clarke saw this one, but didn’t say anything.

When Lexa had reached the parking lot, she parked the car in place and then undid her seatbelt, but when she looked at Clarke, she noticed Clarke’s eyes closed and tears falling from her eyes again.

“Hey… Clarke…”

“Are you mad at me?” Clarke asked.

“What? No. of course not. Why would I be?”

“Cause I left the house like that, forgot my phone…”

“I’m not mad at you… I was scared, but I’m not mad…”

“I just wanted to feel normal, to be looked at normally, to get out of the house and act like everything was okay…”

Lexa didn’t interrupt, Clarke was finally talking and she wanted to know everything.

“I stepped out, to get eggs cause I knew I had used them all, and thought if I just walk around a few corners, I’ll find a grocery store, and I was trying to memorize the routes I was taking so that I could come back the same way, it had been 15 minutes and I hadn’t found a store that stocked up on eggs. And I thought maybe this was a bad idea, that’s when I looked for my phone and I couldn’t find it on me, I tried to stay calm, I tried re-tracing my steps, but everywhere I walked, I ended up on a new street, an unfamiliar place

An old man walked up to me and asked if I was okay, and I freaked out, I didn’t know if I could trust him, does he know me, is he a strange trying to take advantage of me? I didn’t know, in that state of panic I blanked out. The more questions he asked me, the more I could not remember of how I ended up here, where I lived, what I came out looking for, I ran from him, and the further I ran, I didn’t know where I was going.

Eventually I slowed down, and stopped where you found me. I couldn’t think. I knew that even if I used a public telephone, I didn’t know your number, nor Raven’s, I just sat there, hoping you would come looking for me, knowing you’d come looking for me…” Clarke finished, and burst out crying again.

“Clarke, it’s okay… you’re okay... And that’s all that matters… I’m not mad, I was just worried is all, and I wish you’d told me you wanted to go out. I would have taken you outside. Or even if you told the kids, or even if you wanted to alone, I would have made sure you’d be safe and you’d know your way back home”

Clarke simply nodded.

“Let’s go home” Lexa said.

Clarke nodded.

When Lexa turned the key in the door and held it open, Clarke walked through to find Raven in the kitchen cutting up some veggies. The kids were in the living room.

Raven came around the corner and enveloped her in a warm hug “I’m just relieved you’re okay” she whispered.   
when she pulled away, she said “don’t worry, they’re fine. They were confident Lexa would bring you home.” Raven added. “Movie night. Join them, I’ve got dinner covered.” Raven said to her.

She nodded and walked into the living room, where Aden and Madi were sitting on the couch looking completely calm.

“Mom!” Aden said, getting up and running to hug her.

Clarke hugged him tight and kissed atop his head.

“I…” she wanted to explain, but Aden held her hand and pulled her to the couch saying

“Later okay? Now it’s movie time”

Clarke appreciated it. They were aware that she was still a little shaken, and they just wanted her to relax.

When she sat in between her two elder kids, they cuddled into her sides and it immediately calmed her nerves. She felt lighter and relaxed, and happy to be home after her traumatic little adventure through the streets.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I called in sick from work today. Needed a day of self-care. And that's how you guys end up getting this bonus mid-week update. Here's 2 new chapters. Would love to hear from you after you're done reading 'em. :)

**Chapter 17**

When Lexa was sure Clarke was looking much more relaxed and at ease, sitting in the living room with her kids, she came around to help Raven with dinner.

“Rae, thank you, for today”

“You don’t have to keep thanking me, Lex. Clarke’s my best friend, my soon to be sister-in-law. I probably love her more than you do” Raven teased.

Lexa was at the sink, washing some of the salad leaves, when Raven went up to her side, put an arm on her shoulder and asked “Are you okay?”

Lexa didn’t say anything.

“Lexa…” Raven whispered, and Lexa broke down, she shut her eyes tight as her body trembled with sobs she didn’t want to let out.

“Come here” Raven pulled her into a tight hug

“I thought I lost her… again…” Lexa said into her shoulder

“Shhh”

“I thought I lost her, I was so scared, I thought she met with an accident, I thought someone attacked her, I thought I wouldn’t find her…” Lexa went on, trying to get the anguish out, and not be too loud, she didn’t want Clarke to see this side of her right now, this weakness, she couldn’t be this weak in front of Clarke.

“You brought her home, you found her”

“But what if I couldn’t? What would I have told the kids, what would I have told you…”

“We had no doubt that you would find her, Lex. The two of you are connected by some magnetic force that can’t be explained, at least I believe that, you’ll always make your way back to each other, no matter what happens”

Raven’s words were helping her calm down, she was rubbing soothing circles on her back, and offering so much comfort. They’d be nowhere without Raven. Raven had been their pillar so many times when love got tough.

“Listen, why don’t you go sit out there with her, I got dinner covered. You need to see her. Watch her with your kids. It’ll help it sink in, that she’s home and she’s safe, and she’s still your wife”

“No, I want to help you with dinner” Lexa said, wiping the tears from her eyes, trying to re-gain her composure.

“Trust me, I got it covered” Raven insisted, and pushed her towards the living room.

“Mom let’s go shopping tomorrow” Madi suggested, after the movie was done.

“No, let’s go watch a movie” Aden suggested.

“We just watched a movie, Aden” Madi said.

“I meant like at the movies” Aden told his sister.

Clarke kept looking between the two of them to see if they would settle on one thing.

“Let mom decide” Madi said.

“I say let’s go to mom’s gallery” Lexa spoke from where she was walking from the kitchen to the living room.

“Oh YEAH!” Aden said.

“When I said ‘let mom decide’, I meant this mom” Madi said to Lexa, pointing at Clarke.

“Woops” Lexa said and it made Clarke chuckle.

“Wait, I have a gallery?” Clarke asked.

“YES! Omg mom, it’s beautiful, from everything you’ve told us and everything mommy’s told us, we know that it was your childhood dream, and now it’s got all these beautiful pieces up there and people come in everyday to view them and buy them, and you’ll be so happy to see them! We should totally go.” Madi said.

And Aden nodded excitedly. “And we can catch a movie after that.” Aden said. Madi rolled her eyes, Clarke and Lexa laughed.

“Sounds like a plan to me” Clarke said.

“Dinner’s ready, kids”

“Great! I was starving!” Aden exclaimed, running to help Raven set the table.

Madi followed behind leaving Lexa and Clarke alone in the living room.

“You should call Abby, she got really worried” Lexa said, standing awkwardly.

Clarke nodded and picked her phone up to dial her mom’s number.

“Lexa…” Clarke said when she saw Lexa walking away

“Yea?”

“Thank you… again... For looking for me…”

Lexa didn’t know what to say, how was she supposed to make Clarke understand how terrified she was that she had lost her, again. How was she supposed to explain to her the anxiousness with which she drove around today, the fear!

“What else was I to do? I couldn’t lose you again”

And in that moment it dawned on Clarke how hard this must have been for Lexa. Even though she was yet to feel anything definitive for this woman, she empathised with her on what it must have felt like to think she lost her wife again, the first time being her losing her memories of her. 

“I’m sorry I left like that…” Clarke said

“No, don’t apologise, I understand…”

Clarke shifted her weight from one foot to the other awkwardly and then asked

“Would it make you feel better if I gave you a hug?”

Lexa smiled softly at this.

“It would, but not if it would make you feel uncomfortable…”

“Well, I may not remember what it feels like, but you might refresh my memory…” Clarke said hesitantly, trying to make sense of it in her head.

Lexa chuckled at this and stepped closer slowly.

Clarke opened her arms and pulled Lexa in close, both her arms wrapping around her neck.

It was awkward at first, but then Lexa’s arms wrapped around her middle and it wasn’t too tight and wasn’t too lose and everything about it felt perfect.

Clarke couldn’t explain the feeling. It felt… nice. But then she felt Lexa shiver, a sob racked her body, and it worried Clarke. She had caused this.

Clarke let her hand run down Lexa’s hair, in an attempt to soothe and comfort.

“You scared me…” Lexa whispered.

“I know… I’m sorry… I won’t do it again…” Clarke whispered.

She felt Lexa nod against her shoulder.

They stood there wound to each other for a moment, and then as if she forgot for a moment that Clarke was still not the same old Clarke with all her memories intact, she kissed Clarke’s cheek while pulling away.

And it only dawned on her what she had just done when she saw Clarke’s face flushed, eyes staring down at the floor, hand on her own cheek touching the skin that Lexa had just kissed.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… I mean… Ughhh I’m so sorry…”

Lexa tried to reach out, but hesitated thinking its best she doesn’t scare Clarke anymore.

Clarke seemed to be lost in thought.

“it’s really difficult for me… to not hold you, kiss you… touch you all the time… but I also know that’s no excuse for what just happened, it was reflex, I’m sorry..”

Clarke finally looked up, and into Lexa’s eyes and said “that’s okay… let’s eat…” she said and walked towards the dining area.

Lexa face-palmed herself. And then followed behind her.

  
They had all seated themselves at the table, Clarke however was by the coffee machine talking to her mom

Lexa was trying to listen in.

“Yea, I know…

Yes mom, she’s home too… 

I know I apologized to her…

The kids are home too…

I’ll let her know the next time…

Yea, I’ll see you soon. We’re having dinner now. Yea, bye.”

When Clarke joined the table, Lexa was serving the kids.

“Costia called when you were out” Raven said to Lexa.

“Oh, yea I’ll call her back after tonight” Lexa said.

“She hasn’t come over in a while, I miss her” Madi said.

“Don’t worry, she told me she was going to be in town in a few weeks, she’ll definitely come see you”

“Awesome”

Clarke was quietly eating her food, but this was the second time this woman’s name was before her and she had a lot of questions.

“I’m sorry, who’s Costia?” she asked.

“She’s a friend” Lexa said to Clarke.

“A really old friend of mine, now a family friend to all of us…”

“Okay…”

“She’s been asking about you a lot, I told her she should come by and visit” Lexa explained.

“Alright…”

“Here mom, that’s a photo of her…” Aden said while holding his phone up and showing Clarke a photo from Lexa’s last birthday, it was a photograph of them with raven, Anya, Abby, Kane and the woman who was called Costia. Now Clarke should have been focusing on this new face, but she couldn’t help but notice herself and Lexa in the photograph.

She looked, happy… and sooo in love… like they didn’t care that the camera was on them and ready to click, Clarke was leaning into the crook of Lexa’s neck giggling and Lexa looked so at ease, her arms wrapped around Clarke.

“How do we know her?” Clarke finally said, trying to stay on topic.

But when she didn’t get an immediate answer, she knew something was off. She looked up at Lexa, to see she was looking at Raven, and Raven mouthed something to her. 

“I met her on one of my work trips, and she keeps moving in and out of the city so she became a close family friend too from all the visits here” Lexa said.

Clarke nodded. She decided to let it go. There was something more to this woman, but Lexa didn’t feel the need to tell her about it right now, and she thought maybe that’s for the best. Who knows, maybe they don’t get along well or whatever. Clarke thought. And then continued to eat.

After the kids were done with dinner, they said their goodnights and went upstairs to sleep. Tomorrow was a school day and they knew they had to get up on time.

Raven and Lexa were doing the dishes and Clarke helped clear up the kitchen a bit,

“Anything else I can help with” she asked, and both Raven and Lexa turned to find her standing there, rubbing her palms together.”

Lexa began to say no, but was interrupted when Raven said

“Actually could you take over with the drying, I’ve got to call Anya” Raven said. And Lexa internally panicked, she had embarrassed herself enough today, she didn’t want to make Clarke feel uncomfortable.

But Alas, Raven handed the napkin over to Clarke and went away. Clarke came up beside Lexa, smiled and took the dish from her hands.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

They were quiet for the first few seconds, then Clarke spoke.

“Kissing your wife shouldn’t feel like such a forbidden thing to do.” Clarke said, not making eye contact with Lexa but smirking nonetheless.

Lexa laughed. “Tell me about it.” she said. And Clarke laughed too.

“I’ll get there soon enough… right?” Clarke asked, sounding so unsure.

“You will… I hope…” Lexa said carefully.

They were quiet again.

“What’s the story behind Costia?” Clarke asked.

Lexa stilled. She then looked at Clarke with a smile. “It’s so like you to have realized there’s more to the story than we expressed.”

Clarke smiled. Looks like some parts of her just couldn’t be erased.

Lexa washed the last dish, handed it over to Clarke and then turned to her and spoke.

“Do you want the long story or the short one?”

But before Clarke could answer, “I think for now, the short story would be better…”

“Okay shoot” Clarke said, ready to take whatever she was getting right now.

“We have history. Costia and I. it was short-lived. And I know you’re probably wondering when, because you and I have been in love since we were kids, but we were apart for a really short while in between, and that’s when Costia and I became friends”

“So now your ex is our family friend?”

“Well technically, we never dated. She was just a friend,”

“So a close friend?”

Lexa laughed. Wow you don’t even remember her but you’re reacting the same way you would every time Costia was brought up.

“So I don’t like her?” Clarke asked.

“You don’t hate her, but you’re not as fond of her either”

“Okay”

“She means a lot to Madi…”

“Okay… Aden’s not as close to her?” Clarke asked.

“No…” Lexa said, not sure if she should answer why that’s so.

Clarke didn’t ask any further questions.

She laid down the dish she was drying and said “okay…”

“I know everything seems like pieces of information right now, Clarke, and it must really be hard to put all of it together when there’s so many blank spaces…”

“You have no idea, Lexa” Clarke said, looking away and tearing up a bit.

“It’s going to take time, but things will all fall into place soon enough”

“Lexa, what if I never remember you?!” Clarke blurted out.

Lexa shifted her weight from one foot to the other nervously he wanted to speak, but she didn’t know what to say.

Right then Raven walked in and they tried to act like they weren’t just having such a serious conversation.

“Everything okay?”

“Yea, all good” Lexa said. And Clarke said Goodnight to both of them and went upstairs.

Clarke was passing Aden’s room when she overheard him speaking on the phone.

“I don’t know Anaya, I don’t think my parents love each other anymore, and I don’t know if they’ll ever go back to what they had…”

“My mom’s memory seems to be wiped out completely, she doesn’t even remember how much she dislikes Costia. Can you believe it?...

I feel bad, but I can see they’re both trying really hard to be okay again…

“Yea, I’ll see you at school tomorrow…”

Clarke walked quickly to her bedroom, trying not to think too much about how this was affecting everyone in her life.

That night when Clarke sat in her bed, she unlocked her phone and went through the photo gallery. She didn’t know why it had taken her this long to do this, but she looked through some of the recent photographs, things from before this accident that had changed her life so much.

There were photographs of Aden and Madi, so many of those. Some of them on the field, some of her and Lexa in the bleachers, there were photos of Raven and Anya. Abby and Kane, There were photos from birthdays, her own birthday.

She went through those slowly.

There was a video of Lexa and her slow dancing. She played it, and watched. And she found that to an outsider, the two of them looked so perfect, so in love, so lost in each other’s world. They were whispering stuff into each other’s ears, apparently Lexa could really make her laugh, and every time Clarke laughed, Lexa gazed at her like she was her whole world.

At the end of the dance Clarke took Lexa’s face in her hands and kissed her deeply, and the crowd around them hooted and cheered.

Clarke closed the video. She then went forward and found a selfie of her and Lexa in bed. A blush rose to her cheeks as she noticed that they were naked under the covers, Lexa was spooning her from behind and had leaned in over her shoulder to be seen in the photo. Of course they slept naked, they are married.

Clarke took a deep breath, their love looked beautiful in these photos. She hated how Lexa must feel now, sleeping in the other room, so very far away from the only woman she’s been so happy to be close to.

Clarke locked the phone, kept it away and closed her eyes, and prayed that she could find it in her to give this woman all the love she deserved with or without the memories.

Lexa turned to the other side once more. She doesn’t remember the last time she had a good full night’s sleep recently. She just couldn’t stop thinking about Clarke, and if there was anything she could do to help her get her memories back, or make her feel loved without really creeping her out.

She wondered if taking Clarke to her gallery tomorrow will stir anything in her, maybe her own art might remind her of what inspired each piece, would she paint again, if Lexa left her in her workshop, would she pick up that brush and paint Lexa out like she used to?

Lexa sat up. She couldn’t get her mind to shut down.

She suddenly heard a scream from Clarke’s bedroom. Shit.

She quickly got out of bed and ran to Clarke’s room. Aden’s room being the one right next to her, he heard it too and approached the room right when Lexa opened the door and ran in.

“Lexa! No no no… LEXA!” Clarke was still screaming.

“Clarke, baby wake up…” Lexa sat by her side and gently held her hand, and with the other one her shoulder, trying to squeeze softly to wake her up.

“Mom what’s happening?”

“It’s just a nightmare Aden, she’s alright. Don’t worry” she said to him, and then turned back to Clarke who seemed really distressed in her sleep. “Clarke, I’m right here… wake up…”

Clarke sat up all of a sudden, woken from her nightmare, she was panting, fighting for a her breath

“hey hey hey, calm down, you’re okay…”

“Lexa!” she exclaimed, her hands flying up to touch Lexa’s face, to make sure she was really there.

It shocked Lexa. Clarke looking at her that way, caressing her face that way, was it back, were her memories back, did she remember?

“What did you see?” Lexa asked excitedly.

And then as if Clarke was struck with reality, her hands fell away from Lexa’s face and she kept them on her lap and looked down.

“Clarke, tell me, what did you see…”

“I think I saw the accident” Clarke said softly, still looking a little shaken.

“You think?” Lexa asked.

“It didn’t make any sense...” Clarke went on.

“Why? Describe to me what you saw babe…” Lexa said. And if not ignored, Clarke seemed indifferent right now to the endearment.

“I saw the truck that hit the car I was in, I felt it ram into my car and the whole car toppled over a few times, I felt my head getting hit…”

“That’s exactly what happened in real life Clarke… you had a memory come back to you in a dream…” Lexa looked worried, but yet there was slight hope.

“No… but there was something else… I wasn’t driving, you were… you were right there, and when the car had stopped toppling over, I looked to your side and saw you were unconscious and you weren’t waking up… and the sense of fear I felt in that moment….”

Lexa sat there speechless. Clarke had seen a memory, but slightly altered. So was it a memory at all? But then another fact hit Lexa.

That in this supposed dream she had, she was in love with lexa, and that’s why the fear that took over when she saw her unconscious hit her so bad… but what did it mean that Lexa was driving the car that crashed and caused her to lose her memory.

Lexa heart dropped. Because she always did feel responsible for what happened, now Clarke could see that too.

Lexa reached out to hold Clarke’s trembling hands.

“Alright, take a deep breath…” Lexa told Clarke, and Clarke listened and did as she was told. The circled that Lexa was soothingly rubbing into the skin above her knuckles was also seeming to calm her down

“Just breathe okay… you’re safe, you’ve recovered from that accident, we’re all safe.” Lexa said, and that’s when Clarke noticed Aden was standing right there, having watched and listened in on the whole thing.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake anyone up”

“That’s okay... I wasn’t asleep yet. And you shouldn’t have to apologize for a nightmare you had no control over, okay?”

Clarke nodded.

“Here, have a glass of water, lay down, and try and sleep again.” She said to her while pouring her a glass of water from the jug kept on her bedside table.

When they left her room, Aden looked at his mom and said

“Her memories are coming back in her dreams….”

Lexa wanted to tell him yes, they were, but she’d be damned if she gave him and herself the hope of it, only for it to be crushed, because what Clarke saw today was a semblance of a memory mixed with something that never really happened.

“Sweetheart, it may be so, but you have to understand what she saw was not entirely true…”

“But it was something…” Aden argued desperately.

“honey, if that’s the way her memories are going to come back to her then this is going to be more difficult for her than I thought, she’ll be dreaming up things and not knowing what parts of it are true and what’s not…”

Aden looked pensive.

“Don’t let this bother you honey…” Lexa said, sweetly caressing her young son’s face, “we’ll talk to her about it tomorrow, we’ll tell her to talk to us about any dream/nightmare she may have, and we can explain to her the bits that are real memories”

Aden nodded, said goodnight and went back to his room. Lexa waited until he closed his door behind him, then stepped into her own bedroom, closed the door, and slid down against it, brought her knees up close and buried her head into her hands.

Clearly, Clarke was sub consciously aware that the whole thing, all of this, was in a way, Lexa’s fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank for tuning in. :)   
Now vent below in a comment.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone. I'm so sorry for taking so long to update this story. I have been reading your reviews and comments whenever they come in. I've been dealing with a bad break-up and every time I sat to write fanfiction, the words just wouldn't come. or even if they did, I was really taking all my emotions out on these characters. So I gave myself the time I needed and now I'm back. And I'm so glad I was able to pen down these chapters for you.  
The world's going through shit right now, I hope I can make everyone's quarantine better with a couple of updates.  
Stay safe, and stay at home.  
I'd suggest reading the last couple of chapters again, just to refresh your memory of where we last left off.

**Chapter 19 **

“Are you for real? She saw that? In a dream?” Raven asked. 

“Aha” Lexa said while flipping pancakes. 

“Wow” Raven said, reaching out for a berry, Lexa whacked her hand lightly and gave her a look, wanting her not to touch those until everyone was downstairs for breakfast and they could all eat together. 

“I hope you’re still not blaming yourself for all of this.” Raven said. 

“I don’t know Rae. I was the reason she was coming home early that day” Lexa said. 

“You weren’t behind the wheel of that truck.”

“She wouldn’t have even been a victim to that situation if I had just informed her in time that she doesn’t need to leave early”

“How long are you going to do this ha? Blame yourself for something no one could have helped.”

“Raven! If Anya forgot everything about you, everything about the many years you’ll have loved each other, how would you feel?” Lexa snapped. And regretted it the minute it was out. 

Raven sat back, folded her arms across her chest and looked away. 

“I’m sorry” Lexa said.

And when Raven didn’t reply, she pushed the bowl of berries towards her as a peace offering. 

Raven looked at the bowl, then back at her, and then back at the bowl and picked up one and popped it into her mouth. 

Lexa smiled.

That afternoon, after the kids were back from school, Lexa drove them all to the gallery. it was awkward, getting into the car. Lexa sat in the driver’s seat, the kids got into the back seat Raven waited Clarke out, to see if she would sit in the passenger seat, but after she got in with the kids, Raven took the front seat.   
Lexa looked to her and gave her a knowing nod. Raven shrugged. 

“My favourite is the painting of Jake that you did from his 2 year olf birthday!” Madi said.

“Really now?” Clarke asked, amused at her kids opinions about paintings she couldn’t even recall. 

“Oh yes! you captured his expressions so well!” Raven added. 

“I think my favorites have got to be the one you did of Aunt Raven and Anya” Aden added.

“YES! iconic!” Madi exclaimed.   
  
“Iconic” Jake repeated from Clarke’s lap, and they all laughed at his adorable attempt to learn new words. 

“So I assume most of my artwork is based on friends and family?” Clarke asked 

“Yea mom, you’ve always loved painting the people you love the most.” Madi said, her eyes looking at Lexa through the rearview mirror.   
  
Lexa looked back at her and smiled. and then Lexa’s gaze shifted to Clarke who’d witnessed the exchange and then quickly looked elsewhere when she realized Lexa’s gaze was on her.   
  
When they reached the parking lot of the building where the gallery was, everyone got out and started walking to the elevators. Lexa caught Raven’s wrist and slowed her down with her.

“What’s got your knickers in a knot?” Raven asked. 

“How about we keep her away from the paintings of me, for today?” Lexa said softly. 

“You don’t want her to see her shrine of you?” Raven said rather loudly. 

“Rae!” Lexa whined. 

“okay okay, no jokes. uhh… yea.. let’s not try and bombard her with your divine nudity just yet. Roger that. No letting Clarke near the shrine.” 

Lexa actually smirked at that, and then they caught up with the kids and Clarke. 

Once they reached the floor, Raven and the kids walked inside, but Lexa stopped outside the elevator doors and lightly tapped Clarke's shoulder. 

“Clarke…” she said

Clarke turned around and Lexa noticed she looked antsy, very nervous and on edge. 

“hey… what’s wrong… why are you…” Lexa asked and looked down to see Clarke fidgeting with her fingers. 

“Babe, are you nervous?” Lexa asked, choosing to ignore the fact that once more the endearment came too naturally and unintentionally. 

Clarke chuckled nervously. “I… uh…” She stammered, looking at the floor and everywhere else. 

Lexa took a step closer to her, in an attempt to shoulder all that nervous energy, maybe offer some comfort. 

“I don’t remember any of this. And the kids.. they sound so proud, so elated to talk about some of my work, and I’m sure they have these expectations, and I don’t know if I even still know how to paint anymore… I don’t know what I’m doing back here…” 

“Hey, hey… Clarke, hold up for a minute..” 

Clarke finally looked up into her eyes. 

“Give me your hands?” Lexa asked.   
  
Clarke hesitated for a few seconds, but then reached out and let Lexa hold them in hers. it felt good. comforting. 

“Your children, our children.. They’ve grown up watching you lose yourself in your art work. Whether you painted at home or at the gallery, I’ve seen Madi and Aden watch you and observe you and admire you for it, I've seen how Jake itches to touch your paints and it makes me want to ask Abby if that was you as a kid too.” 

Both Lexa and Clarke chucked at that. 

“We’re your family, Clarke, we know you don’t have all of your memories right now. we’re not going to expect you to walk in there and know every story to every painting you’ve created. In Fact, I’m sure the kids will be more than elated to just fill you in themselves…”   
  
Clarke nodded. 

“The doctors did say that the more we expose you to your routine, the easier it should be to bring back your memories. I was completely against bringing you here so soon. But the kids, Raven and even mom said you may actually like being here. This place was like a second home to you. You spent so much time here. There were days I used to come here after work to forcibly take you home with me because you’d gotten so engrossed in a painting and you’d lost track of time” Lexa smiled wide at the memory. 

It made Clarke smile too. 

“Don’t pressurize yourself. Just go in there with an open mind, with the sole intention of admiring your own paintings. who knows, it might even inspire you to paint again. But no pressure, no expectations…” 

Clarke nodded. She then looked down at her hands, where Lexa had begun to mindlessly rub her thumbs gently against the skin on the back of Clarke’s palms. 

“Do you always do that?” Clarke asked. 

Lexa looked at their hands and quickly let her go, hating the possibility that she’d made Clarke feel uncomfortable. 

“Uh, yea, sorry, force of habit” she said. 

“Don’t apologize. I’ve stopped trembling. So I guess it worked.” Clarke said softly. She then took a step back and said, “Okay, let’s go, come on” 

She turned and walked towards the doorway to the gallery. 

Lexa stood watching her, frozen in place. Clarke looked back over her shoulder at Lexa.

“Woods, you coming or not?” There was almost like a teasing tone to her words, a smile even. 

It brought Lexa out of her reverie, and back to the present moment. 

“Uh, yea, yes, right behind you.” Lexa said, hastily towards her. 

“How about beside me?” Clarke said as she pushed the door open. 

“Yea, of course, Always” Lexa said, joining her as she entered with a smile. 

  
The minute she was inside, Madi came up to her and linked her arm in hers and dragged her to the far end of the room to start from.   
  
Raven who was holding Jake in her arms came up to Lexa and said “Go easy on the love- eyeballs, you’ll scare her away before she remembers anything about you.” 

“I think I could be dreaming, I’m not sure but I think she was almost flirting with me.” Lexa said to Raven.

“You could be DREAMING, You THINK, she was ALMOST flirting with you?” Raven said. “There’s like 80% of ‘nothing substantial’ in that.” 

“Shut up, Rae” Lexa said

“Shut up, Rae” little Jake repeated. 

Both Raven and Lexa’s eyes widened. 

“Oh no, baby, I’m not going to be blamed for your use of such words” Lexa said and took Jake from Raven’s arms. She put him down, held his hand and went on to walk around the gallery with him, showing him portraits of him that his momma had created.   
  
About an hour later when Lexa noticed Madi and Aden had basically reached the end of their tour, showing their mom around her gallery, Lexa decided it was time for all of them to head home. 

Just as she walked up to them she overheard Madi say “Now that we’re done with this room, you can check out…”   
  
Lexa panicked. She let out a loud yawn that interrupted Madi. “Is anyone else tired? I’m tired? Jake baby, are you tired?” she asked.   
  
Jake shook his head in the negative, but Lexa didn’t wait for his answer, she put an arm around Aden and said, come on buddy, let's get everyone back into the car and we’ll go home and get some rest. 

Aden looked confused. And Clarke looked just as confused.   
  
“But… momma hasn’t seen…” and Madi pointed towards another door at the other end of the hall.

“Some other time then, baby girl” Lexa said and refused to make eye contact with Clarke. 

Madi looked defeated, but finally went with it.   
  
Raven was at the door, “come on kids, let’s go.” she said. 

“Madi, hold Jake’s hand and take him with you guys, I’ll lock up the place and be right there” Lexa instructed.   
  


Lexa and Clarke were the last ones there. Lexa waited at the door, watching Clarke look intently at one of her paintings of Jake.   
She reached out to touch the texture of her paint against the canvas. She got really close to look at the details of the strokes.   
  
Lexa watched with amusement at how Clarke was analyzing her own painting styles. 

“Where’s my workshop, where do I sit and paint here?” Clarke asked Lexa without really looking at her. 

Lexa got nervous again. “uh… it’s in the back room…” she said. 

Clarke smiled at her own painting then and walked towards where Lexa was holding the door open for her. 

“I trust that whatever you’re hiding in that back room from me, you’ll show me when the time’s right.” Clarke said and then walked out smiling. 

Lexa looked down at her feet, smiled to herself and followed Clarke out. 


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20 **

Just before they could enter the car, Lexa thought to ask

“Uh… I could get you a new canvas and easel if you want to try something out at home” 

“Oh no, that wouldn't be necessary, I don’t think I remember how to paint yet.” she said sadly, and went around the car.    
  


It was then that she quickly noted Raven was in the backseat with the kids. So she opened the passenger side door and sat in, looking behind at how Jake was already fast asleep in Raven’s embrace. 

“He's out like a light.” Raven whispered. 

Clarke smiled and then looked at Lexa who looked pensive. But she decided to ask later what she was thinking about. 

The drive back was mostly quiet. Even Aden seemed to be dozing off. Madi was texting someone on her phone. Raven was blowing softly in Jake's hair. And Lexa was too afraid to glance towards her side to look at Clarke, in the fear of making things awkward. 

When they reached their place, everyone got out, but when Clarke reached to unbuckle her seatbelt, Lexa stopped her. And then finally looked at her.    
  
“It’s not so much hiding, as it is trying NOT to pressure you…” 

Clarke looked at her, waiting for her to continue. 

“The other room… it’s uh… it’s filled with paintings of me…” Lexa said. 

“oh… I should have figured… there were no paintings of you outside..” Clarke said.    
  
“...Nude” Lexa completed. 

“Oh” Clarke's eyes widened, then she looked ahead of her, smiled for a second and made her face serious again.    
  
“Well, most of them at least.” Lexa felt the need to clarify.    
  
“How many are we talking about?” Clarke dared to ask.    
  
“Let’s just say you spent a lot of time learning my body” Lexa replied, smiling smugly   
.    
There was something that resembled a blush that rose to Clarke's cheeks but it was gone just as soon as it came. 

“I mean, if you really want to, I can take you back to see them, but I just figured it would be…”    
  
“odd” Clarke said at the same time Lexa finished with “too early.” 

They stayed silent for a moment. 

“Yea, odd too.” Lexa said, looking at the steering wheel now. 

“Lexa, I’m sure you’re a wonderful, beautiful woman, and I’m sure that if I still had my memories of you, of us, I’d still want to paint every inch of you...” Clarke began, and it took Lexa a few seconds to realize that Clarke thought Lexa thought her wife would never paint her again and it made her feel insecure. 

“What? No that’s not... I didn’t intend…” Lexa tried to clear up.

“I know… but I feel like I need to make it clear to you… I’m not in love with you… yet. and I know I was. And maybe deep down inside I still am. I just can’t reach there right now, do you understand?” Clarke said. 

“No, yes, of course, I understand…” Lexa stammered. 

“Thank you…” Clarke said. 

“Yes, yea. I get it” 

Clarke smiled and then got out of the car and walked around to go inside.    
while Lexa sat there staring at the steering wheel and replaying Clarke's words in her head. 

“I’m not in love with you… yet. and I know I was. and maybe deep down inside I still am. I just can’t reach there right now” 

She wiped a tear that rolled down her cheeks, took a deep breath, regained her composure and got out of the car to go home. 

  
Dinner was quiet. Raven was out with Anya for the evening and would come home late. Lexa had cooked pasta and everyone ate to their heart’s content. 

When dinner was over, the kids said goodnight and went to bed, Clarke offered to help Lexa with the dishes, but Lexa insisted she go relax as there weren’t many dishes to do and she could finish them off in a jiffy. 

So Clarke went upstairs to tuck Jake in for the night and maybe check on Aden and Madi too and see if they needed anything. 

When Lexa came to the living room and saw Clarke wasn’t there, she almost panicked, only to hear her footsteps from the staircase. 

“There you are… aren’t you tired? Should I bring you your meds?” Lexa asked, wanting to be of some use. 

“No Lexa..” she looked perplexed. “I think I just remembered something.” she said, a blank look on her face. 

Lexa smiled. “wow, uh… do you want to tell me about it… how do you feel, do you feel okay?” Lexa reached out for her hand, and when Clarke put her hand in hers, Lexa led her to the couch. 

“Uh… I mean it sure felt like a memory, but I thought I should ask you… cause well, last night was also a memory, but not kinda, also.” Clarke looked so confused. 

“Yea, tell me what you saw, and I’ll see if I can clear it out for you…” Lexa said. 

Clarke sat down, and Lexa sat beside her, keeping enough space between them so that Clarke feels comfortable.

“I think I saw the day I went into labour.” 

Lexa gulped. Did she see Aden’s birth day? or Jakes? and if it were Aden’s, Lexa would have a longer explanation to give. An explanation she knew she owed Clarke, but it would require hours to make her understand everything they went through in those years. 

“Okay… Was it Aden…?” Lexa asked. 

“No, I think it was Jake…” Clarke said. “yea, I’m pretty sure it was Jake” 

“Okay” Lexa hoped Clarke didn’t sense her relief at that statement. 

“I was at the gallery? When it happened?” Clarke asked Lexa. 

Lexa smiled. Cause she herself remembered the day like it was yesterday. 

“Yes…” Lexa said. 

“Raven was with me, you were called into work that day even though you were on leave for a week knowing my due date was that week.” 

“Yea and I cursed Jade so much over the phone that day” Lexa said with a chuckle. 

“I remember the curses” Clarke said with a smile. 

“you know who Jade is?” Lexa asked, wanting to see how much she remembered. 

“Your senior at the law firm?” Clarke answered. 

“yes” Lexa’s smile grew. 

“yea, I recall hating her a lot” Clarke said. 

Lexa laughed, and it seemed to make Clarke smile wider too. 

“What else do you remember?” Lexa asked. 

“Raven and I in a cab on our way to the hospital, I was squeezing her hand too hard, she called you up and screamed into the phone” 

“yes she was in pain” Lexa joked. 

“She told you we were on our way to the hospital. “You’re becoming mommy again today.” she told you” Clarke said. 

“yes, and then I spoke to you too, I asked her to put the call on speaker mode” Lexa said, helping Clarke along. 

“Hang in there momma, I’ll be right there with you, this time” Clarke repeated what Lexa has said to her then. 

And while it made Lexa overjoyed that Clarke had this memory come back to her, she had completely forgotten that the last bit may raise questions. 

“this time?” Clarke asked.

“yea.. about that..” Lexa looked down at her lap.   
  
Jake was their only child that was born to them while they were both together. Madi had been adopted by Lexa all those years ago when they were apart. and in that same time, Clarke had given birth to Aden. 

How was Lexa supposed to explain this right now to her. There were so many gaps to fill, so much heartbreak to re-live if she had to tell that story. 

Just then, they heard the door open, and in came Raven and Anya, stumbling inside, making out and giggling.

“Ahem” Lexa sounded out. 

Both Raven and Anya turned around like they’d been caught by their parents.

“Woah! Why are you guys still awake?” 

“Clarke remembered something.” Lexa told them. 

“What?!” Raven looked ecstatic. she ran over to them, her hand still holding on tight to Anya’s hand, and only when he reached Clarke, she let go of Anya to fall over Clarke in an attempt to hug her in all her joy. 

Lexa got up to make space for the duo and stood by Anya. 

“Yea, she remembers the day Jake was born.” Lexa said. 

Raven held Clarke's face “So you remember how you…” 

“Squeezed your hands on the cab ride there? Yes” Clarke said with laughter. 

“UGH! you still owe me, Woods!” Clarke thought for a moment that was directed at Lexa, but then remembered that was her surname now and raven was in fact talking to her. 

“How about I let you have your couch and your fiance tonight and we call it even?” Clarke said, remembering how they stumbled in practically sucking eachothers brains out and were interuped by Lexa’s clearing of her throat. 

“Ah, that can wait.” Anya said. 

“Woods, bring the wine, let’s celebrate.” Raven said, looking towards Lexa. Lexa huffed and went into the kitchen. 

“None for me please.” Clarke said. 

“Wifey won’t get you wine silly, she knows your medication byheart.” Raven assured. 

Clarke smiled at that. And then smiled even wider when Lexa returned a few minutes later with 2 glasses of wine, and two mugs of hot chocolate.

“Thank you” Clarke whispered with a warm smile when Lexa offered it to her. It always warmed Lexa’s heart to see Clarke smile that way.    
  
“What else do you remember from that day?” Raven asked. 

Clarke took a sip from her mug, and made space for Lexa to sit between her and Raven who was at the other end of the couch now. And Anya was on the single seater near her. 

Now Clarke looked at Lexa and continued. “I remember feeling so relieved when I saw you enter the room…”

“YOU were relieved? I finally felt the blood rush in my hand when Lexa entered and you let me go.” Raven joked and they shared a laugh.

“Go on…” Anya said, smiling wide.

Clarke’s gaze was on Lexa again, and this time Lexa’s gaze was locked on her eyes. 

“You came up to me and kissed my sweaty forehead, and held me…”

Lexa nodded. 

“I remember screaming so bad from the pain… I remember when I heard his first cry and the joy I felt… I remember looking at your face first, because your eyes were glued to where the doctor was wrapping him up and holding him, your gaze just wouldn’t leave him.” Clarke said, looking at Lexa. 

“I remember my heart feeling so full when I first held him, and you kept kissing the side of my head, whispering how much you love me…” 

“Yea… I fall more...” Lexa began

“‘...More in love with me, every minute of being with me’ you said then.” Clarke finished for her.

the room was silent, and still. Until Raven reached up to wipe a tear from her face. 

“I’m sorry, that day was an emotional roller coaster for us all” she said. 

“I’m glad I remember it then.” Clarke said before taking another sip from her mug. 

They talked some more, recalling all the wonderful moments from that day. When Clarke yawned, Lexa quickly finished her last few sips of hot chocolate and stood up. 

“Okay ladies, I think I’m going to retire for the night” she said, hoping Clarke would take that as her cue to sleep now too, and she did. 

“yea, I think I’ve hogged Raven’s loveseat long enough.” she said with a wink. 

Raven threw a cushion at her. 

When she turned around, she saw Lexa already a few steps up the staircase. 

“Lexa, wait up” Clarke said


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

“Lexa, wait up” Clarke said

When Clarke reached her, she said “Thank you, for the hot chocolate.” 

“My pleasure” Lexa said. 

“Can I walk you to your room?” Lexa asked Clarke. 

She smiled and nodded in the affirmative. 

They walked up together in silence until they were outside Clarke’s room. 

“Alright.. um… goodni..” Lexa began, taking a step back and towards here her room was. 

“I remember your kiss.” Clarke blurted out. 

Lexa froze. 

“I remember what it felt like to be kissed by you…” Clarke said. 

Clarke brought her fingers up to her lips and as if she were trying to recall the details, she stared at the floor and then she continued…   
  


“...what they feel like against mine, what you taste like… I remember how loved and cared for I felt in those moments, how much I loved you then… all of it came back from that day because I remember us kissing when they took Jake away to clean him up.”

Lexa had tears running down her face. Because even though Clarke remembered her kiss, it doesn’t change the fact that she doesn’t feel that love for Lexa today, right now in this moment. 

“I didn't mean to make you cry….” Clarke said, her gaze having lifted from the floor to Lexa. 

Lexa quickly rubbed at her eyes and took a deep breath. 

“No no, I’m just happy about your memories coming back… that day was a beautiful day for us.” 

“I know, I can… feel it.” Clarke said, smiling again. 

There was a silence between them, and then Clarke said “Do you have your change of clothes for the night?” 

“Oh yea… ummm, let me just take a couple of them from inside so I don’t need to bother you every night.” 

“No, it’s no bother, this is as much your room as it is mine.” Clarke said. 

Lexa nodded, and then walked past Clarke to get her clothes. 

When she closed the drawers and had gathered everything she needed, she turned around and found Clarke sitting on her side of the bed. 

“Uh… did you pick that side of the bed on purpose?” Lexa had to ask. 

Clarke looked around for a minute and then at Lexa and said “It just felt right to me the first night I slept here...I don’t know… is it my side?” 

“It is.” Lexa said. 

“okay... okay...” Clarke said. 

Lexa walked to the door then, said goodnight to Clarke and walked out. 

Once she was outside, she hasted towards her room, threw the clothes on her bed and slid down to the floor against the bathroom door and cried. Everything about the day felt so heavy and overwhelming. Clarke’s memories were coming back. for all she knew they were coming back faster than ever, it should make her happy right. But why was she feeling so scared, and so alone? Right. Her wife doesn’t remember loving her at all. 

  
About an hour later, Lexa was bathed, changed into pajamas and under her covers. Staring up at the ceiling. Trying not to think. About anything. 

Her phone began to ring. with lightning speed she turned to the bedside table and looked at the screen and jumped up to sit when she saw the caller ID- Clarke

“Clarke! Is everything okay? I’ll be right there.” 

“No no! Lexa, I’m fine.” 

“Do you need something? Are you hungry? I can cook you something.” 

Clarke laughed “no Lexa, really. I’m fine...”

“Okay…” Lexa laid back down on her pillow, checked the caller ID once more, she was talking to Clarke right… Why is Clarke calling her in the middle of the night from the other room? 

“How are you, Lexa?” Clarke asked. 

“ummm.. Clarke, I’m fine.. why are you asking?” 

“You’re my wife… and ever since I woke up in that hospital, everything’s been about me. I haven’t stopped to think about what you must be going through…” 

“That's not important Clarke, really, I’m alright…” Lexa assured. 

“Are you? Please be honest with me, it can’t be easy having to live with a wife who doesn’t remember you at all” 

It was in this moment that Lexa allowed herself to be vulnerable. She broke down.

Clarke heard soft sobs from across the phone line. And even though she didn’t know this woman, she empathized with her. 

“You’re not okay Lexa…” she said. 

“I’m not… but I will be…” Lexa hated that she was crying right now, she never intended for Clarke to ever have to see how hard this is for her, because obviously it was much harder for Clarke. 

There was a pause then and Clarke could hear that Lexa was trying to get a hold on her emotions. she quickly regained composure and continued “I’m fine” 

“You don’t have to be.” Clarke said. 

“I am.. don’t worry about me.” Lexa said. 

and then Lexa noticed a silhouette at her door, slowly opening it. It was Clarke, she could tell cause she was holding a phone to her ear. 

“Clarke, you didn’t have to get out of bed...” Lexa said as she quickly sat up and threw the covers off her and got up, keeping her phone down on the bedside table. 

Clarke entered, placed her phone on the bed and came up to stand before Lexa. She lifted her hand and lightly grazed her fingers and palm against Lexa’s cheek.

The act was so soft, and light and comforting, Lexa was so close to ugly crying again.

“It’ll be okay you know… I’ll be okay… I’ll remember you...” Clarke assured, her eyes so filled with concern.

and Lexa couldn't stop the tear that rolled down her cheek, watching Clarke in this dark room, where only the street lights from outside lit the room dimly. 

The feeling of her hand, her soft palm against the side of her face felt so comforting, so warm, so at home...she wished…

“Can I kiss you?” It was a whisper from Clarke's lips, so soft and so close, she hadn’t even realized when Clarke had stepped so close to her.

It was a statement so unexpected, Lexa almost wondered if she asked the question herself. but no. it was clearly Clarke’s voice. 

Lexa didn’t know what to say, how to react.

“I don't know if it would be right to…” Lexa stammered. 

“I want to make you feel better...” 

“You don’t have to…” Lexa said hurriedly. 

“I’m asking you for this…” Clarke said, even softer. 

Lexa tried to think. She really tried. Would this be okay? Will Clarke benefit from this or only feel worse? Would it trigger any memories? She couldn’t make up her mind.

“I don't know what to say.” she said. 

“Say yes.” Clarke said. “Just one kiss.” she said. 

Lexa nodded her head slightly, and ever so slowly, Clarke's luscious, soft, velvety lips made contact with hers.

and in that second, Lexa felt infinite, like the whole world was hers in that very second, she took a deep breath, because Clarke, her Clarke, her wife Clarke was kissing her, and she tasted and felt the very same as she always had, Lexa felt her knees go weak. her hands softly flew to Clarke's sides. Just to hold on to something, and she felt Clarke's lips move slightly against hers, so she gave in, kissing Clarke back. 

She felt Clarke take a deep breath in and pull her face closer. Both of Clarke’s hands on her cheeks now, holding her in place…

The kiss lasted for all of 5 seconds, but felt like an eternity to Lexa. When Clarke pulled away, Lexa refused to open her eyes, afraid she might see regret in Clarke’s eyes, afraid Clarke didn’t love her even more after that.

“I wish I could be of more comfort to you.” Clarke said softly then. 

Lexa opened her eyes at that and more tears fell. She wiped at them furiously.

“You are. You already are. Just having you here at home, with me, with our family, that’s all the comfort I need, after everything we’ve been through together...” 

“None of which I remember…” Clarke ended and looked at their feet. 

she then took a step back and said “Thank you, for that kiss… it was… magical. Goodnight Lexa.” Clarke said, and hurried out the room closing the door behind her.

Lexa laid down under her covers, a ghost of Clarke's kiss still on her lips, leaving her feeling alive, yet finally tired enough to get some sleep. She wondered if she’d dreamed up this whole moment and mid-thought she fell asleep. 

Magical. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, what did you guys think of this update? Leave a comment, let me know. Also, let me know if you guys have suggestions or how you'll see this playing out. I love hearing from you guys. Hope you're all keeping well.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with another update. Here's chapter 22-25. Hope you're all keeping well in this quarantine. Let me know your thoughts about this story in the comments after chapter 25. :)

**Chapter 22**

Magical.

The word repeated in Lexa’s head when her eyes opened early the next morning. It was 7 am. She wondered if she had dreamed it all. Wondered if she had imagined it. When Clarke came into this room last night and offered to comfort her with a kiss. 

It was comforting alright. Momentarily. It let Lexa sleep peacefully at night. Gave her some sort of hope. 

Lexa sat up, wiped her face down, put her hair into a bun, and rose up to get on with the day. After a quick shower, she headed downstairs to get started on breakfast. 

She stopped outside Clarke’s door for a second, wondering if she should knock? Wake her up for breakfast? let her sleep in a little longer? Lexa smiled at the memory of the kiss and decided to just give Clarke some space. Let her come to her if need be. 

It was 9.30 am now, the kids were almost done with breakfast. Raven was making coffee and Anya was on a work call. 

Lexa looked towards the stairs once more. 

“Should I go wake her, mom?” Madi asked, picking up on Lexa’s impatience. 

“No no, there’s no need. Finish your breakfast, it’s early anyway. I’ll just go check on her.” Lexa said, wiping her hands on a kitchen napkin and then heading upstairs. 

Lexa couldn’t stop thinking about their kiss from last night. She couldn’t recall Clarke’s reaction. but it didn’t seem like she was uncomfortable right? right? 

Lexa knocked lightly on Clarke’s door and pushed it ajar a little bit. The room was so quiet. she stepped in only to notice Clarke wasn’t in bed. 

“Clarke?” she called out, looking towards the bathroom. 

but there was no sound of running water. the bathroom door was unlocked, could she just be changing inside? 

“Clarke?” she called out again “Babe, where are you?” she asked again, her voice now a few pitches higher, panic rising in her chest. 

She rushed out and went to the guest room, maybe she went there a few minutes ago in search of her? 

Lexa checked her room, her bathroom. 

she went over to the kids' rooms down the hall. but no. she wasn’t there either. 

“RAVEN!” Lexa called out. her voice panic-stricken 

And rushed back to their bedroom. She ran her fingers through her hair. She didn’t know what to think. She looked all around for any signs of where she could be. 

Raven came in through the door, “What is it? Lexa?!” 

“Clarke… I don't… I don’t know where she is…” 

“What?” Raven said, stepping closer to Lexa, to hold her arms

“What do you mean? Did you check the bathroom? the other rooms?” 

Lexa nodded, her mind elsewhere, trying to think of where Clarke could be” 

“Do you think she stepped out for a walk or something?” 

“No… I mean.. after that day’s incident, I trust that she would have let one of us know…” 

Then Raven’s eye caught onto something. Lexa’s gaze followed hers and landed on a note sticking out of her bedside drawer. 

Lexa took it in her hands and sat down on the bed to read it. 

_ ‘Lexa,  _

_ I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, but I need some space… and time. It’s all very overwhelming for me. And I understand it is for all of you too.  _

_ Please don’t be afraid, I will come back. I’m going to stay at mom’s for a while. I’d like it if I can have the kids over now and then or if I can pick them up from school directly some days. I’ll have mom call you to arrange that.  _

_ Please give them my love. I will talk to them soon and explain why I needed this. _

_ I’m okay. Don’t be worried. I will call you.’ _   


The letter read.

Raven was seated beside her and holding her. 

“she’s at Abby’s. she’s fine” 

Lexa put the letter down. And walked to the door. 

“where are you going?” Raven asked her. 

“To talk to her.” Lexa said. Raven quickly rushed behind her. 

“She’s asked for space Lex, she said she’d call you” Raven reminded her, following after her downstairs. 

“Where’s mom?” Aden asked as Lexa rushed past them towards the doorway, putting on her sneakers quickly and grabbing the car keys. 

“She’s at grandma's, baby, I'll bring her home” Lexa said.

Raven held Lexa’s shoulder just before she could walk out the door. 

“What are you doing?” Raven asked her.

“For better or for worse! That was the vow, Raven. I won’t have her running away when things get difficult. Why won’t she let me help her? why does she think I won’t help her through this.” 

“She doesn’t remember any of that LEXA! Understand that!” Raven said, now out in the doorway with Lexa. 

“Then I’ll remind her. I need to talk to her, you don’t understand…” Lexa said. 

“What happened? Between last night and this morning. what are you not telling me?” 

“We kissed alright!” 

“Woah” Raven exclaimed. 

“She admitted to me that she remembered how it felt to kiss me then we retired for the night, but she came to my room later, knowing I was in a bad space mentally and she offered to kiss me, and I didn't know if it was okay yet, and why she wanted to do that, but we kissed. and now she’s gone. and I don’t know what she’s been thinking about all night. I don’t know, maybe it triggered some memories, maybe it didn’t. maybe it didn’t make her feel good, maybe she got scared, maybe I should have just said no…” 

“Hold up there. okay. it’s okay. just… don’t beat yourself up if even after you go there, she refuses to come just yet… okay? she’ll come around soon enough…” 

“how do you know that?” Lexa asked. her eyes now brimming with tears and sounding so desperate. 

“because the Clarke I know, loves you beyond measure. She loves her family beyond measure. She’s just… scared maybe… she'll find that love again” 

Lexa nodded. Raven threw her arms around her friend to embrace her tight and said “okay go, talk to her”

Lexa rushed out to her car and drove off. 

“Abby, is Clarke home?” 

“Lexa, I was expecting you…” Abby went silent then and looked down at her feet. 

“Why aren’t you inviting me in?” Lexa asked, confused beyond measure. 

“Lexa, Clarke came home at 5 am this morning, crying...” 

“She left me a note...” Lexa said. 

“Yes, she told me… she told me she wanted some breathing space… some time to think... gather her thoughts.” 

“Abby, are you not going to let me talk to her?” Lexa said, realization dawning onto her, that Abby was standing in the doorway with no intention to move aside to let her in. 

“Lexa, my daughters going through a rough time…”

“Are you kidding me right now? Your daughter? She’s my wife too… I’m allowed to… I should be given the option to reach out to her…” 

“If you want to know if she’s fine, I’m assuring you she is. She’s just not in the mind space to talk right now” 

“This is ridiculous! CLARKE! CLARKE baby, please talk to me…” she called out, in the hope that Clarke was listening from somewhere in the front room. 

“Lexa, this is just as difficult for us all as it is for you” 

“NO! it’s not.” Lexa snapped. “Don’t you get it? She’s my wife. My partner…” Lexa choked on her own words now. 

“Till death do us part… and god! have we come so close to that. I’m not going to let this ruin our marriage” 

“I know you won't, Lexa, I've seen you two grow up together. I’ve seen all of it. Just give her a few days to herself.” 

“What did she tell you? did she say anything about last night?” 

“she hasn’t spoken to me about why she wants this space…” Abby admitted.

“I’m not leaving until she talks to me” 

“As much as I love you Lexa, I can’t let you in if Clarke needs this space…” 

“Then I’ll wait in the car. please let Clarke know I’m not leaving until she talks to me…” Lexa turned on her heels and walked swiftly to the car. she got in the passenger seat and sat there stoically, wiping every tear that fell. but refusing to give up on her resolve. 

about 20 minutes later, she heard the passenger side door click open. she didn’t need to look to know it was Clarke. 

“You’re stubborn” Clarke’s voice sounded out. Lexa closed her eyes at the sound of it. Clarke had been crying. she could tell by the dryness in her voice.

“Determined would be a better word” Lexa finally said and looked towards Clarke.    
  
Clarke smiled softly. 

“What can I do? what can I do to make any of this easy for you.. please… tell me...” 

Clarke broke down… and Lexa wanted so bad to hold her, to maybe her hand, anything. 

“Was it the kiss? Did it make you uncomfortable? I promise you, I won’t ever make any advances towards you… not until you’re okay with it” 

“No Lexa.. it’s not the kiss…” Clarke finally said

“then what made you leave home… what made you leave…” 

“I had a couple of dreams last night…” 

“Clarke…” 

“I know.. I know what you’re going to say… they may or may not be true…” 

“yea and..” 

“But I’d just like some time to process them. It was so much. I just want to gather my thoughts about them…” Clarke said 

“Okay… I understand if you don’t want to talk to me about it, but at least reach out to Raven, or Abby or someone.. whoever you feel comfortable with?” 

“No... I don’t want to talk about it with anyone… not yet at least” Clarke said. looking straight into Lexa’s eyes. 

“I want to talk about it with you. But not so soon. please. Give me some time to just… I don’t know...” Clarke looked exhausted. And so did Lexa. 

“So you’re not coming back home with me…” 

“No Lexa.. not yet...” Clarke said. 

Lexa sighed and wiped the tears from her face once more. she looked ahead, knowing Clarke was done talking to her, and may get out of the car any moment now, and she didn't want to watch. 

“Lexa…” 

“Hmmm” 

There was silence for a moment, and then Lexa felt the softest lips touch her cheek, she closed her eyes, an eruption of tears threatened to break out

“I will call you” she whispered after a few seconds of letting her lips linger on Lexa’s cheek. 

Clarke got out of the car, and came to the window on Lexa's side. 

“Please look at me, Lexa” Clarke pleaded. 

So Lexa did. 

“I almost forgot.” she said, and held her hand out with her wedding ring sitting there in her palm. 

“Babe, what are you doing?” Lexa said, utter shock and sadness on her face. 


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

Clarke quickly realized what it looked like. 

she closed her hand around it quickly and said “wait no, I’m not... NO. I’m not returning it to you.” 

Lexa took a deep breath, not understanding where Clarke was getting at. 

“It’s just… I wasn’t wearing it since I got out of the hospital. and that was horrible of me...and I know it hurt you, and I know you never said anything to me about it, but you were probably thinking it… but I want to wear it now… could you… I mean… I don’t know this probably sounds ridiculous… could you put it on for me?” 

Lexa sat there feeling so many emotions at once. She looked up from Clarke’s held out hand to her face again, and saw something there she couldn’t quite put a word to, 

“Please… before you go… I want you to see that I’m still in this… I’m not running away from you…” 

Lexa got out of the car and stood before Clarke, Clarke opened her hand to let Lexa have the ring. And then slowly, Lexa turned her hand over, gently holding it, and placed the ring on her finger. 

“I know it’s probably not as special as the day we did this the first time… but I don’t remember that yet… and until I do, I’ll have this” Clarke said. 

Lexa nodded. Still trying to wrap her head around everything that was happening. 

“How long...what do I tell the kids?” Lexa said. It was a stupid question. almost like he was just stalling. 

“That their momma loves them, and she’ll see them really soon and explain.”

“Okay…” Lexa said. And turned around to get back into her car. she buckled up and drove away. 

When Lexa turned the key in the door and entered home, everyone was waiting for her in the living room. 

All eyes turned to her when she entered the living room and stood there. 

“She’s fine. She just wanted to stay with Abby for a bit… gather her thoughts…” 

“Are you two fighting?” Aden asked. 

“What? no sweetheart” Lexa assured and came to sit between her kids, pulling them into her embrace, smiling and kissing their heads

“Nothing of the sort. Your momma and I are just fine. She’s going to be back home soon, until then you’ll can do sleepovers at grandma’s during the week. Momma will come pick you two from school, and either I or aunt Raven or aunt Anya can drop Jake off there too. And when your momma’s feeling better, she’ll come right back home.” 

Jake looked satisfied with the answer, so did Aden. But Madi was upset, and Lexa could tell. 

  
The next day was a school day. Abby had texted Lexa to let her know that they’d be picking the kids up as Clarke wanted to take them out for lunch and then home with her. Lexa agreed.

Raven took the opportunity to go over to Anya’s place and spend time with her fiance too. 

Lexa was all alone at home and decided to cook herself some dinner, she read for a bit, and then went to bed. 

The kids would go to school from Abby’s place, and then she’d pick them up in the afternoon and bring them home. 

“How’s momma and grandma?” Lexa asked Madi sitting in the passenger seat and Aden behind. 

“She’s alright. She told us she remembered Jake’s birthday” 

“Ah yes, she was overjoyed to have that memory back” Lexa said with a smile. 

“Does she remember my birthday?” Aden asked from the backseat. Looking out the window. 

“Well, she will.” Lexa assured. 

Aden sighed. When they reached a red light, Lexa explained “Kids, she’s going to remember everything one day soon okay… you have to believe that” 

“Yea” Aden nodded. Madi was looking out the window. 

When they reached home, the kids went up to their rooms and Lexa sat on the couch, laid her head back and just closed her eyes for a bit. 

10 minutes later there was a knock on the door. 

Lexa went over to open it

“Surprise!” 

“Costia!” Lexa exclaimed in shock. 

Costia rolled her suitcase in and wrapped Lexa in a tight hug. 

“Where is she? Where's the wifey? How is she feeling” Costia asked, walking in. 

“uh..” Lexa was still trying to wrap her head around the fact that Costia was here now and Clarke wasn’t when she heard Madi’s voice from the stairs. 

“Costia!” 

“There’s my little girl! Come here...” Costia said, delight on her face to see Madi again. 

Madi rushed to her and gave her a tight hug, “I’m not little.” 

“Oh sure, I can see that.” Costia joked. 

“Where are your brothers?” Costia asked 

“Aden’s just gone in for a shower, he’ll be right out. Jake’s at grandma’s. Aunt Raven will bring him later I guess” Madi explained.

“Well, and Clarke?” Costia asked, looking between Lexa and Madi. 

“uh… wild story, sit down, I'll get you something to eat” Lexa said. 

“Are you staying?” Madi asked her, as she held her hand and led her to the couch to sit beside her. 

“Well, no I was hoping to get myself a hotel room, I just thought I’ll drop by to tell you’ll I’m in town” 

“No you can totally stay, the guest room is not being used” 

Lexa looked at Madi, and really didn’t know what to say, she placed a plate of snacks on the coffee table and said 

“uhh… well, technically it is… but” 

“Momma’s gonna be at grandma’s for a bit, so the rooms empty” 

Lexa could tell from Costia’s face she had a lot of questions. So she signaled to her that she’ll explain in a bit. 

Just then Aden came downstairs, his hair still wet, fresh out of bath, wearing just his shorts

“Aden go put on a shirt.” Lexa said 

“Aden! come here!” Costia said in excitement

“Costia, hi!” he said as he approached her and she pulled him in for a hug. 

“God it’s so good to see all of you!” 

“Aden go put on a shirt.” Lexa told him again. 

“Oh it's alright, nothing I haven’t seen before.” Costia joked and the kids laughed. 

Just then the door opened, it was Raven and Jake.

“Raven!” 

“OMG look what the wind brought in” Raven said as she put Jake down, and helped him take his shoes off, and then he ran towards Lexa. He was still shy to see new faces, and even though Costia has met him a few times, he was still learning who he was. 

“Aunt Raven, I asked Costia to stay with us for a bit, she’s anyway not booked a hotel yet and she’s only in town for a few days.” Madi said. 

Raven quickly glanced at Lexa and then back at Madi with a smile. 

“I mean, Madi, only if your moms are okay with it... I wouldn’t want to impose...” Costia said, looking around at them.

“Why wouldn’t they be?” Madi said matter of factly. “I’ll text momma right now” Madi said and reached for her phone. “and mommy's alright with it, right?” She said looking up at Lexa. 

Lexa wasn’t sure how Clarke would react, but she wasn’t going to stop Madi. Costia meant a lot to her and she didn’t wanna take that joy away from her. 

“Yea, yea sure.” she said. 

  
Within seconds Madi exclaimed “YES!” at her phone. “Momma’s okay with it” 

Lexa was curious to see the chat messages. But decided she’d ask Madi later.    
  
Just then Raven’s phone beeped and Raven looked down at her phone and smiled. It was a text from Clarke “Have you and Jake reached home? Can you call me later this evening?” 

Raven quickly typed back “Yes momma, we’re home and I will.” 

That night, after dinner, the kids went upstairs to their room, Costia, Lexa, Raven and Anya sat around for a while, just to catch up. 

“So she left?” Costia asked, sipping on a glass of wine. 

“well, she technically, but she’ll be back…” Lexa said. 

“Yea no, of course, I know” Costia said. 

“Until then, the kids keep going back and forth to spend time with her” Raven said. 

“Makes sense” Costia said. she then looked at Lexa

“how are you feeling?” 

It was odd. trying to answer that question out loud. 

“I’ve had better days” 

“Yea, I understand” Costia said. She then looked at her glass and said “I’m sorry, maybe it’s a bad idea I’m here. I know Clarke hasn’t always felt comfortable having me around, I was just going to come see her and then be out of your way, but Madi...” 

“Oh no, you’re here now and settled in, it’s really alright. Madi’s missed you.” Lexa said. 

“Yea, I’ve missed you guys too.” 

Raven then got up from her seat and went to the kitchen and rang up Clarke’s number. 

“Hi, momma” 

“Stop calling me that Rae.” Clarke said to her over the phone. 

“I like to think the more I remind you of your motherhood the faster you’ll come home” 

Clarke sighed on the other end of the line.

“I was kidding, don’t take that seriously.” Raven said. 

“Am I a bad mom, Rae?” 

“The absolute worst” Raven said 

“Rae” 

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding, sorry. and No Clarke, you’re not a bad mother. You’re just a mom who’s dealing with a lot right now.” 

“Yea.” 

“We wish you’d just talk to us though, tell us what you saw, we can help you understand it. for all you know you saw something that isn’t even true... maybe...”

“Is Costia staying over?” Clarke asked

“There it is, there’s the real reason you wanted to talk.” raven said with laughter in her tone. 

“I don’t know who she is, and what history she has with my wife and kids, but she’s at my home right now, and I’m here...”

“Was it Madi’s excitement that triggered you?” Raven asked. 

“No, it was Aden’s text that informed me first that she was home, and then came Madi’s text, asking if it was okay if Costia stayed over. I don’t remember her at all, so I just told her whatever’s fine with your mommy is fine with me.” 

“Yea, she’s staying over” Raven said. 

“Okay” 

“You have nothing to worry about momma, this family is yours and they love you to the ends of the universe” 

“Yes, yes, I know” 

Clarke laughed then “it’s silly actually. I don't even know who she is. I remember nothing about her, but I’m getting this bad feeling in my tummy.” 

“Will it make you feel better if you spoke to Lexa?” 

“We haven’t talked since that day.” 

“Nothing’s stopping you now.” 

Clarke sighed. “No, I’m fine actually. Just… kiss my babies goodnight for me.” 

“I’ll do 3 of them, the 4th one might murder me or something” Raven joked. “Ugh, you’re going to have to play proxy mom for me when Anya and I have kids and we want a break, okay?” 

Clarke actually laughed and then went silent and said “I owe you Raven. You’re doing so much for us.” 

“You’re my best friend Clarke, I got you.” 

Just before they could end the call Clarke asked “Is Lexa fine?” 

and Raven was just about to answer when Lexa entered the kitchen “hey we’re starting pictionary, come on, who you talking to” 

“I’ll be right there!” Raven said. and Lexa left. 

“Go, have fun.” Clarke said. 

“Bye Momma, I’ll bring Jake over, day after.” 

“Thanks” 


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

The next day, Clarke was staring at her chat window with Lexa. Ever since that night, after Lexa kissed her, the memories that flooded her dreams all felt like too much. 

There was so much that came back, some memories from their dates when they were younger, some memories of the kids' birthdays, some family trips, so much. and the only way she was understanding some sort of timeline was by guessing the age of her children in the memories. 

There was one memory though that hit her like a wrecking ball. It tore her heart up and woke her up from her dreams sweating and in panic. And it was that one memory that drove her out of her home that day. and she just couldn’t fathom how much of it was real and how much wasn’t. 

She needed to talk to Lexa. She really did. She wanted to so bad. But if this was real, and if Lexa didn’t already know about this, it would…   
  
Clarke’s train of thought was interrupted by her phone ringing. it was a number saved on her phone as School. she quickly picked up. 

“Mrs. Woods?” 

“Yes, This is she.” Clarke said 

“Mrs Woods, I’m calling from your daughter Madi Wood’s school. Madi has gotten herself into some trouble and I would need one of you to come down to speak to me.”

“Oh my god, is she okay?” 

“Mrs Wood’s your daughter’s fine, it’s the other girl she hit that we’re worried about” 

“What?! okay, ummm, I’m on my way” 

Lexa’s car stopped outside Abby’s house and she honked to let Clarke know she was here. 

Clarke came out hurriedly and got into the car, looking worried and so on edge. 

“What else did she say?” Lexa asked. 

“I didn’t ask for too many details, let’s just go there and talk to her.” Clarke said. 

Lexa nodded and started the car. 

On the drive there, they remained silent except for when Clarke spoke up at a red light.

“Thank you, for picking me up...” 

“No no, thank you for calling me and letting me know too.” Lexa said. 

It was weird. They were acting like a divorced couple. It hurt. And the small talk was making both of them nervous. 

“She’s never done this before, has she?” Clarke asked again.

“No. I never imagined she’d ever hit someone” 

“Well, we don’t know how true that is, so let’s hope the principal didn’t have her story right” Clarke said, looking annoyed. Lexa wanted to smile. How very Clarke of her. 

Silence again between them. 

“Jake?” Clarke asked out of the blue. 

“Raven’s home with him, Costia too” 

“Oh okay” Clarke said and looked out the window again. Lexa glanced towards her for a second, wanting to gauge her reaction. 

“She’s leaving in a few days” Lexa felt the need to add. 

“Okay,” Clarke said, not looking at Lexa. 

“She’s been wanting to meet you.” Lexa added.

Clarke stayed quiet. 

When Lexa and Clarke got out of their car in the school parking lot, they rushed towards the school office. Aden was sitting outside and got up when he saw Clarke and Lexa. 

“She’s inside.” he said.

Lexa went inside, and Clarke followed her in, but then stopped back out and said, 

“You wanna wait in the car for us? we’ll be there soon” 

“Nah, I’ll wait here.” he said. Clarke said okay and went in.

About an hour later,

“We’ll talk about this once we’re home.” Lexa said firmly to Madi, walking beside her, as the 4 of them made their way to the car. 

Madi and Aden got in the back seat. Once all 4 of them were buckled up, Lexa started up the car and just as she was about to reverse out of the parking spot, a bunch of girls passed by the car, and one of them waved out to Aden. 

“O look, it’s Aden’s fan club.” said Madi, jokingly.

“Shut up” he said to Madi. Lexa smirked and Clarke just looked at the girl from the mirror on her side. 

“I’m sorry, who was that?” Clarke asked. 

“Anaya. Anaya Blake. Soon to be Anaya Woods” Madi said. 

and she got a punch in her shoulder from her brother. 

“Behave, both of you” Lexa reprimanded from the driver’s seat. 

“Blake… as in Bellamy Blake?” Clarke asked, looking behind at her kids. 

“yea, your old friend” Madi confirmed. 

Clarke shifted in her seat, visibly uncomfortable, and it didn’t go unnoticed by Lexa. 

“You okay?” 

“Yea yea, I’m fine. Let’s go.” 

When they reached home, right before they could get out of the car Madi asked “Momma are you staying?” 

The question was simple. But it hurt Clarke so much to answer 

“No baby girl… I...” she started.

“Madi, you momma’s here so that the both of us can talk to you about the little stunt you pulled today.” 

“Great! like I didn’t already hear enough at school” She said as she grabbed her backpack and got out of the car and stomped her way home. 

Aden got out and followed her home. 

“Come on” Lexa said and waited for Clarke to walk ahead of her. 

Once inside, they heard Madi shut her room door upstairs very loudly. 

“Momma!” came Jake’s joyful giggle when he saw Clarke. 

“Hey baby boy, come here.” she said and picked him up in her arms and kissed him. 

“I missed you” she said and kissed his face until he was giggling to his heart's content. 

“Clarke, hi, it’s so good to see you again.” came a voice that left an unsettled feeling in Clarke’s stomach. 

She looked at where it came from, and she saw before her this pretty woman, about Lexa’s height, light blue eyes, long dark hair, and a figure to die for. 

She gulped. This was Costia. 

“Earth to Clarke.” Came Raven’s voice as she came to stand beside Clarke. Lexa was standing by the kitchen aisle, watching the exchange sipping on a glass of water. 

“Yea, sorry, yes… um, you must be Costia.” 

“Yes, do you remember me?” Costia asked. 

“I don’t, I’m sorry” Clarke said. 

“That’s okay… I was always hoping we could start over anyway...” she said with a laugh and Raven and Lexa laughed too. 

Costia took another step forward. 

“Thank you for letting me stay in your home” 

“You mean a lot to Madi…” Clarke explained 

“Of Course… Can I give you a hug?” 

Clarke simply nodded and was suddenly caught in a tight embrace 

“You had all of us scared, Lexa especially. she went through hell and back when you were unconscious. I’m just so glad you’re here.” Costia said. 

Clarke didn’t know how to react. 

“We should... uh… go talk to Madi” Lexa said. Costia let Clarke go with a smile and said “oh yea, sure” 

Clarke nodded and caught up with Lexa. Halfway up the staircase, Clarke slipped her hand into Lexa’s. 

It caught Lexa by surprise, but she held on, not wanting to make a big deal about it. When they were almost nearing Madi’s door, Lexa felt the need to ask “Are you okay?” 

“She was here, when I was unconscious in the hospital?” 

“No, she was out of town. She used to call to check on you and me” 

“Okay” 

“Do you remember anything about her?” 

“No, not more than what you’ve already told me. But… I got an odd feeling when I saw her.” 

Lexa then looked at Madi’s door and knocked. 

“Sweetheart, can we come in?” 

“Who's we?” came her answer. 

“You mom and I” Lexa answered. 

“Are you back together again?” 

Lexa looked at Clarke now and Clarke gave her a look. Lexa opened Madi’s door and said 

“Baby, is that what you think is going on here?” Lexa asked as she stepped in and sat at the edge of Madi’s bed, facing her, where she was sitting against the backrest, hugging her pillow. 

Clarke went to her side and sat beside her. 

“Sure feels like it. Aden and I are just waiting for the huge talk to happen and for you’ll to break it to us” 

“What?! No! Honey… That’s not what’s happening here…” Clarke assured her. 

“Madi, your mom and I aren't separated,” Lexa said confidently. 

“Well, not yet” she said and looked away from both of them, tears brimming in her eyes. 

“Come here, you” Clarke said, and pulled Madi into her arms. “I would never do that. I would never leave your mommy. She’s been by my side through everything. I’ll stay by her side through anything. And like hell I’m going to let my 3 babies go.” 

Lexa had to look away to wipe a tear that fell from her eyes. The exchange was… beautiful. 

“When are you coming back home then…?” 

“Hopefully very soon baby. The house is a little crowded now anyway” she said with a chuckle. 

“Your room is always your room, mom.” 

“I know” Clarke said, and looked to Lexa to smile. 

“Okay now, you want to explain to us what happened today?” Lexa began. 


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25 **

Madi huffed. 

“She’d been asking so many questions for the last few days, saying so many things about you two” 

“Like what?” Lexa asked 

“That you two seemed like you were already separated. That any day now, there’d be discussions about custody of the three of us, she’d been taunting me and getting on my nerves and I just wanted her to shut up” 

“So you hit her?” Lexa said, slight anger in her tone. 

“What else was I supposed to do?” Madi said. 

“Well, tell a teacher, tell one of us… anything but hit her.” Lexa said. 

“Lexa, calm down… it’s alright, it’s over now.” Clarke said, kissing over Madi’s head. 

“No Clarke. Madi, what you did was wrong, and you need to realize you can’t go around hitting your classmates if they make you angry”

“It was hardly a scratch” Madi said. 

“Her eye was bleeding!” Lexa said. 

“You should be proud I can throw a hit like that” Madi said. 

“Are you not getting the point here, young woman?” Lexa said. 

“Lexa…” Clarke wanted to calm the situation down. 

“You came this close to getting suspended from school.” 

“I wouldn’t have minded it, I like spending time at home with Costia” 

“That’s it, you’re grounded for a week. No sleepovers, no texting your friends and no movie nights.”

“What? Come on! Momma, are you going to let mommy do this?” Madi looked to her mom for some assistance. 

Clarke didn’t say anything. Lexa was quick to add,

“And work on that attitude in all this given time, I don’t understand where it’s suddenly come from.”

Lexa walked over to Madi’s bedside table, took her phone, switched it off and pocketed it. 

“MOM!” 

“Sweetheart, what you did was wrong...” Clarke added. 

“I can’t believe this, you don’t even remember half of my life, you have no right….” Madi began

It stung. it really stung. Clarke stood up and walked a few steps back, not wanting to make Madi feel attacked. 

“That’s it. Apologize to your mom, Madi” Lexa said firmly. 

“Okay okay, that was horrible, I’m sorry, I really am.” 

Clarke nodded, but she was already overwhelmed. She moved to Lexa’s side, but couldn’t control the tears, so she decided to step out of the room for a second. 

from outside she heard Lexa tell Madi,  “Your mom didn’t deserve that. I want you to sit here and think about what you’ve done and come down and apologize to her later.”

“I will, I didn’t mean to hurt her” Madi said.

“I’ll see you at dinner.” Lexa said and closed the door behind her. 

When Lexa looked at Clarke, her natural instinct led her to wrap her in her arms. And she couldn’t stop herself. 

Luckily Clarke didn’t grow stiff this time, she in fact broke down. Crying into Lexa’s shoulder. 

“She didn’t mean it” Lexa assured 

“I know.” Clarke said.

Lexa rubbed her palm in comforting circles on Clarke’s back. 

A few minutes later, Clarke pulled away and wiped at her face. 

“Was the exchange too much for you? I’m sorry, I could have handled that on my own.” Lexa said. 

“No no… I mean… she’s my daughter too… I needed to be there.” 

They were both silent then. 

“Uh, I think I should go,” Clarke said then. 

“What? No… stay for dinner, please.” Lexa said.

Clarke yawned. 

“Look you’re tired, why don’t you just rest, get some sleep, I'm sure your medication is still heavy on you, and we’ll wake you up for dinner. and after that I’ll drop you back to Abby’s” 

Clarke thought about it and then nodded. “okay” 

“Come on” Lexa said, leading Clarke to the room. 

“I can take the guest room, Lexa” 

“Uh no… actually, Costia’s been using the guest room, and I’ve been using our room again. You can sleep in our room, I don’t do afternoon naps anyway.” Lexa assured her as she opened the bedroom door and let Clarke in.

“Madi will be okay right?” Clarke asked. 

“She’s stubborn.” Lexa said with a smile 

“Determined” Clarke added. 

Lexa added, “But because she’s her mother’s daughter, I know she’ll come around.” 

Clarke laughed. 

And Lexa fell in love with the sound all over again. 

“I’ll see you in a couple of hours, get some rest.” Lexa said before pulling the door closed.

When Clarke laid down, the scent from the pillows that hit her caused a fresh wave of memories to come back. Some very… intimate memories. 

as she dozed off to sleep, she pictured the numerous times she’d woken up in this bed, her face buried in her wife’s hair from spooning her. 

“Lexa…” she whispered as she fell asleep, recalling some cozy memories. 

  
“Clarke, wake up, it’s time for dinner” she heard Lexa’s voice 

But the room was dark, she could only see a silhouette of her.

Clarke reached out for her hand, and Lexa took it. Clarke tugged at her hand to get her to sit. 

“Everything okay, baby?” Lexa asked, and now even in the dark, Clarke’s eyes seemed to have adjusted to appreciate her wife’s beautiful green orbs.

“Your scent… I remember…” Clarke began to say. But was interrupted with a kiss. 

A soft one at that, so soft and gentle and velvety. The taste of Lexa. it was extraordinary. Clarke couldn’t help herself, she wanted more. So she reached out and tugged at Lexa’s t-shirt, pulling her closer, to get in the sheets with her. 

Lexa didn’t protest. She simply asked

“Babe are you sure?” between kisses. They were still slow, soft, and as much as Clarke was enjoying the feeling, her body was suddenly craving more. 

“Love me…” Clarke heard the neediness in her own voice. 

“I always have…” Lexa admitted between kisses

“Touch me then” 

Lexa’s lips left Clarke’s, only to find her pulse, just under her ear, and she kissed along the column of her neck. Pushing the covers aside to get on top of her. 

Clarke felt her whole body come alive, Lexa tugged at the hem of Clarke’s t-shirt and pulled it up above her head and threw it aside, She then took off her own shirt and bra. 

Clarke couldn't help the way her eyes fixed on Lexa’s perky breasts. She was absolutely gorgeous. 

“Oh baby, I’ve missed you” Lexa whispered and went back to her ministrations on Clarke’s neck.

Clarke’s body was filled with the most beautiful sensations. She had no control over the way her body was reacting to her wife’s kisses and caresses.

A pool of arousal formed at the apex of her thighs and she needed Lexa to touch her so bad. 

Lexa somehow managed to reach behind her and unhook her bra, setting her breasts free.

If Lexa’s eyes weren’t already dark, they darkened further. But she was beautiful, so very ethereal Clarke noted. 

“You’re gorgeous, Clarke.. I just want to make love to you all the time...” Lexa said as her kisses went lower down Clarke’s body. Lexa took her time kissing, sucking and fondling Clarke’s breasts and it drove her wild. Her body grew restless by the second. 

“Baby… please…” Clarke whispered in desperation. Lexa’s lips moved lower, down Clakrs’s stomach, and then her pants were gone along with her underwear. 

Lexa was holding Clarke’s knees apart. 

“You’re so beautiful…” 

“Lexa…” and before Clarke could say anything else, Lexa’s lips were on her core. Clarke’s body flew, her back arched, her breath hitched, she was so close already

Lexa’s lips and tongue were working wonders at her center, and then to add to it, she added her fingers to the mix, dipping them slowly into her

“Ohhh… Lex… Baby…” Clarke moaned. 

“Hmmmm” Lexa hummed into her sensitive skin and started moving her fingers, curling them upwards inside her, her tongue now moving faster over her clit.

Her other hand reached up to squeeze one of Clarke’s breasts. Clarke moaned loudly and held on to Lexa’s hand over her breast. 

“I love you… Lexa… I do… fuck….” Clarke was nearing the finish, she just needed Lexa to keep going…

She reached down to run her fingers in Lexa’s hair, hold her in place just so...

When suddenly it stopped. everything stopped. She looked down to see Lexa crying. 

“Then why did you cheat on me, Clarke?” Lexa asked, choking on a sob. 

Suddenly, the room spun, and Lexa was seated before her, both of them completely clothed 

“I didn’t… I mean… Lexa… I don’t know… I don’t remember why…” 

“You don’t love me, Clarke, that’s the truth,” Lexa said to her, tears streaming down her face. 

“No Lexa, I’ve only ever loved you, no one else…” Clarke said desperately. 

The room spun again, and this time Clarke sat up all of a sudden. 

It was a dream. A nightmare.  Both. 

She took a deep breath and tapped the lamp beside her to turn it on, the room had turned dark. 

She poured herself a glass of water and drank it. The cool water felt comforting against her parched throat. 

She took a few moments to gather with her thoughts. There was a dull ache between her legs. Also, her underwear was probably completely soaked. She thought about Lexa. the Lexa in her dream who devoured her like she was worshipping her body. her body was so high strung right now. she never finished. 

all thanks to the nightmare that interrupted her. Clarke felt a sense of terror go through her body, How was she to have that conversation with Lexa.

And if any of it was true, how would she ever forgive herself. 

Before she lost herself in another bout of sadness, there was a knock on her door, and then Lexa peeped in. 

“Hey, you’re awake! dinner’s ready” Lexa said, coming in full view at the door. 

Clarke’s gaze, for just one second shifted down to Lexa’s chest. and then back up to her eyes. Unfortunately, though, Lexa caught on to it. 

Lexa looked down at her shirt and then back up at Clarke “Everything okay?” 

“Yea, yea, why wouldn’t it be, all good.”

“okay… freshen up, join us. we’ll wait for you” 

“yes, I’ll be right there” 

Lexa turned to head out 

“Lexa wait… uh… which one is my underwear drawer?” 

Lexa came back in, looked at Clarke for a second, and then decided not to ask any questions. She simply pointed to a row of drawers and said first drawer there, the stuff on the right is yours. 

“Okay, thank you” 

“no problem” 

Lexa left the room. and Clarke got up to get herself a change of underwear. She opened the drawer and picked out a new underwear, but right before closing it, her eyes landed on a silky red piece that was folded at the bottom. She reached for it and took it out. 

Held it before her and scanned it with her eyes. It was… sexy to say the least. She tried to picture herself in it. then pictured the Lexa from her dream in it. She wondered who this belonged to. 

“That belongs to me” came Lexa’s voice from the door. “in case you were wondering” 

Clarke quickly folded it and put it back in the drawer. 

“Sorry, it just caught my eye.” Clarke felt like she needed to explain. 

“Yea, I guess that makes sense. You spotted it one day when we went shopping, and the next day I found it on my side of the drawer.” Lexa explained. 

“Oh” 

“It’s one of your favorites.” Lexa added. “on me” 

“I see.” Clarke closed the drawer and refused to make eye contact with Lexa.

“You came back for something?” Clarke asked then. 

“Just to let you know Abby called, I told her I would drop you home before 11 pm.” 

“Okay, thank you” 

“I’ll see you downstairs” she said and closed the door behind her. 

Clarke took a deep steadying breath and decided to just change and hurry downstairs soon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, let me know your thoughts on this update in the comments. :)
> 
> Also, if you've been enjoying reading this story right from the beginning to this sequel too, I'd really appreciate it if you could share it with other Clexa stans, on twitter, tumblr, or anywhere. 
> 
> And don't hesitate to reach out to me on twitter too: @clexa_endgame47


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi friends,   
Thank you for your comments and views, and also to those of you who reached out to me on twitter. Was very kind of you. Sending lots of love your way. <3   
Here's the next installment to this story. Hope you enjoy this.

**Chapter 26**

Clarke was headed downstairs when she heard Madi’s voice “Mom, wait up”

Madi ran to her and hugged her, burying her face into her mom's clothes and speaking into it

“I’m so sorry, I really didn’t mean what I said… and I especially didn’t mean to hurt you” 

“Oh baby…”

“I felt so horrible after I said it, and iIve just been waiting to come give you a hug and a kiss and tell you, I didn’t mean any of that” 

“It’s okay, honey” 

Madi got on her toes and kissed Clarke’s cheek. 

“I’m also very sorry for the way I spoke to both of you. I don't know what came over me” 

“You had a rough afternoon, didn’t you?” Clarke said, playing with her daughter's hair. 

“I did” the girl said, walking downstairs, tucked into her momma’s side. 

“come on, I can already smell something delicious” 

  
When Clarke entered the kitchen, Lexa was just done cooking. 

“Help me lay these out on the table?” Lexa asked. 

“Sure,” Clarke said. 

Aden, Raven, Costia and Jake were already seated around the table, Clarke sat down on the empty chair near Raven. 

“Baby, would you mind getting the salt and pepper cans to the table?” Lexa told Madi as she carried the last serving dish out to the table.    
  
“I got ‘em” Madi said and accompanied her mom out. 

“Mom, I’m sorry, about everything… for resorting to violence at school, for snapping at you, for saying stupid stuff to momma too, I really am” 

Lexa leaned in and gave her a kiss on her forehead “I know you are baby, it’s alright, just be more mindful the next time okay. and let’s find other ways to channel that anger of yours?” 

Madi took her seat and the only seat left for Lexa was the one near Clarke. she sat down, and tried to gauge if Clarke was okay. 

“Wow, Lex, this spread looks amazing” Costia said. 

Clarke noted, Costia calls her wife Lex. Did she have any names for Lexa? In her dream she remembered moaning out ‘Lex’ in the throes of passion. 

“Earth to Clarke!” said Raven. “You okay?” 

“Yea yea, I’m fine” Clarke repeated. 

“I was saying, Lexa only takes this much effort to cook when you’re home” Raven said. 

Clarke looked to her side to see Lexa smiling smugly. “is it?” 

“I can’t completely deny that” Lexa said. 

Everyone began serving themselves dinner, when Clarke was notified with a text on her phone. 

“What’s up with you?” The text read. It was from Raven. 

“Nothing, why?” Clarke repeated 

“I know that look” Raven texted. 

“What look?” Clarke asked. 

“Clarke Woods, you’re horny AF”

“WHAT. NO. I AM NOT. SHUT UP” Clarke repeated. 

“Your face is all flushed” 

“STOP”

“YOU STOP, WIFEY’S RIGHT NEXT TO YOU. TELL HER WHAT YOU WANT” Raven texted her. 

“Hey, should I serve you?” came Lexa’s voice from beside her. She quickly turned her phone over in her lap. 

“uh… yes, please, Thank you” she said, and smiled. Lexa did a double take, probably noticing her face too. 

“You okay?” Lexa asked her. 

“yes, yes, I’m fine” 

Lexa placed her plate in front of her and said “Let me know if you need anything.”

Clarke simply nodded. Her phone buzzed again. When she was sure Lexa’s attention was on Jake now, she checked her phone

“She’s offering you whatever you need. TELL HER YOU NEED HER! :P ” 

Clarke suddenly pushed her chair back and said “Excuse me, I’ll be right back” and she walked to the kitchen.    
  


She stood there for a few seconds. Just trying to calm her racing heart down. 

“Get your fucking act together Clarke!” she told herself mentally. 

She took 5 minutes and was finally able to free herself of visuals of a naked Lexa eating her out. She turned around to go back to the dining table and boom!

She had walked right into Lexa, then tripped backward and if it wasn’t for Lexa’s quick reflexes, she would have been on the floor of the kitchen. 

But now she was being held close to Lexa’s body, by Lexa’s super strong arms, and her whole body felt alive, like it was taken right back to that dream. 

“Clarke… are you sure everything's okay?” Lexa asked. 

“It is now” she whispered.

“What?” Lexa said, a small smile creeping onto her lips. 

“Did I say that out loud?” Clarke shut her eyes tight. 

“Yes, yes you did” Lexa replied. 

“I’m sorry” Clarke said, now steady on her own two feet and highly embarrassed. 

“Come on” Lexa said, holding her hand out for Clarke to take it. 

Clarke placed her hand in Lexa’s and allowed her to lead her back out. 

“Did you come to get something from the kitchen?” Clarke asked before they went out.

“Just my wife” 

Clarke smiled. 

“Raven texted me saying you might need me.” Lexa added. 

Clarke wanted to whack Raven with something. 

Clarke was able to keep her mind off her needs once she was back, as she was tasked with feeding Jake tonight. The boy was a fussy eater. But she loved every second of it. Keeping him entertained and feeling him one spoonful at a time, at the same time relishing her meal. 

Lexa was a good cook, there was no doubt about that. Lexa was apparently good at a lot of things. She was a lawyer, a great cook, a great mom, a great friend. 

Clarke felt a wave of sadness hit her when she thought about how unfair it must all be to Lexa, to have a wife who doesn’t remember everything about her. 

“Mommy, dessert!” Jake exclaimed, when he had his last bite of food. 

“Baby, let everyone finish and then I’ll bring dessert” 

“So, Clarke, did you sleep well?” Raven asked.

“Uh… yea… I did...” 

“You sound unsure,” Raven said. 

“just a nightmare, but I slept okay” 

Lexa’s face grew concerned now. 

“What did you see mom?” Aden asked. 

“Oh it was nothing baby, don’t worry about it” Clarke assured him.

“Did any new memories come up? Costia asked. 

“Uhh... no not really” she lied. 

“Oh that’s a pity” Costia said. 

A text appeared on a phone, from Raven “LIAR” 

“I had a nice dream last night actually…” Lexa said. 

“Yea?” Clarke was curious. 

“What was it mommy?” Jake asked. 

“It was pretty similar to this, friends and family, home together” 

“Well at least some body’s dreams are coming true” Raven said slyly. And Clarke kicked her under the table. 

“Okay, time for dessert” Lexa said and got up to take some of the dishes into the kitchen, 

“I’ll help you clear the table” Clarke said and picked up a few things and followed Lexa. 

Lexa placed a few dishes in the sink and turned around, not expecting Clarke to be right behind her, 

Clarke ended up bumping into Lexa again, but this time spilling a little leftover food on the front of her sweater. 

“Oh my god! I’m sorry” she stared at the big stain and then turned around and hurried to find napkins. She found them, but when she turned back around to help Lexa, she was faced with glorious, skin, and breasts supported by a white bra 

Lexa was taking her top off. 

“Uhhhh… I’m stuck, can you help me?” Lexa said from inside her sweater. 

“Help you take your top off?” Clarke asked, unsure of what Lexa wanted her to do.

“Any other time, I’d say yes.” Lexa said, her head still inside her sweater. “I need you to pull my top down, so that I can take just my sweater off” 

“OH MY GOD!” Raven exclaimed when she entered to see Lexa showing skin and Clarke standing right there in front of her. 

“Okay I saw nothing. I’m going back” she said and scurried away. 

Clarke tugged on the shirt that had gotten pulled up with a sweater, trying to memorize the scene before her, she felt the heat of Lexa’s skin radiating off her body, and she was tempted to touch, just to see how warm her skin felt. 

“Get a hold of yourself” she scolded herself internally. 

“I’m sorry you had to see that” Lexa said jokingly. 

“I’m not” Clarke said softly and turned around. 

Lexa quickly caught her wrist. “what is up with you today, I’m so confused”

“Nothing… I just…” Clarke finally made eye contact with her. 

“You just…?” Lexa asked, raising an eyebrow. 

they were so close to one another, their faces about an inch apart. Clarke’s gaze moved down to Lexa’s lips and back up to her eyes. 

Clarke’s lips twitched, whether to say something or to kiss Lexa, Lexa wasn’t sure. 

“Mommy dessert!” 

“Dessert!” Lexa exclaimed, pulling back and deciding maybe this wasn’t a good idea. 

The last time they kissed, Clarke ran away. She didn’t want to take any chances that would make Clarke go further away from her. 

Clarke seemed sad though. Like she was trying to keep a smile on when she didn’t want to. 

“Hey… you wanna be the first to taste my homemade apple pie?” Lexa asked her, trying to cheer her up. 

“Sure… I’d be honoured” 

  
  



	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

Lexa started moving around in autopilot mode then, she uncovered the pie she had made earlier, then pulled out the tub of ice cream from inside the freezer, brought all of it out on the kitchen aisle she then serve a piece of pie onto a plate, and put a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top of it. 

She then took a desert spoon out of the drawer, dug into the icecream and the pie and brought the spoon to Clarke’s lips. 

“Try it… tell me what you think” Lexa looked so excited and proud of her creation. 

Clarke parted her lips just enough to take the bite and Lexa watched her. 

She closed her eyes to really focus on the taste. it tasted divine. 

“mmm...this is…” 

she opened her eyes to see Lexa’s eyes had darkened at that little sound she just made. 

It was the same way she envisioned it in her dream. Her body reacted immediately, suddenly all too aware of Lexa’s proximity. 

“This is…?” Lexa asked. 

Right she didn’t finish her sentence “really good” 

“Thanks,” Lexa said with a soft smile. 

“You got some ice cream on your lips…let me get it...” Lexa said and brushed her thumb lightly and slowly on the corner of Clarke’s lips. 

Nothing about the touch seemed innocent. Clarke was even willing to believe there was really nothing on her lips. 

Lexa looked like she had stopped breathing, she was still as a rock, her eyes focused on Clarke’s lips. 

Clarke raised her hand up to hold Lexa’s hand against her cheek, she then turned her face just a little to kiss the corner of Lexa’s palm. 

“Lex, what are we doing?” She whispered into Lexa’s skin. 

Lexa closed her eyes for a second and then took a step back.    
  
“Nothing, just testing my dessert skills” she said, she then looked around the kitchen aisle, found some more plates and spoons and began serving more plates.    
  
Clarke went to the other side and began to help her out. They stayed quiet throughout serving, and then took the plates out to the rest of the table. 

What followed was the usual banter across the table, and when everyone was done with dessert too, it was time for Clarke to leave. 

“Oh come on, we were just gonna start with Pictionary” whined Costia. 

“I promised her mom I'll have her home by 11” Lexa said while putting her sneakers on.

“god! you’ll sound like you’ll are in high school all over again” Raven said. 

Clarke laughed. She kissed her children goodbye and then even kissed Raven’s head and whispered “it was not what you think you saw.” 

“yea right” Raven said back loudly. 

“I’ll see you kids tomorrow after school okay?” 

“It was so good seeing you again Clarke” Costia said, taking both of Clarke’s hands in hers. 

“Likewise” Clarke replied “I think”

They laughed it off and then Costia pulled her in for a hug. “I don’t know if I’ll run into you again before I leave, but take care of yourself, and this wild-child here.” she said, signalling towards Lexa. 

“yes… I will” 

  
Most of the drive was quiet, a comfortable quiet. When they were nearing Abby’s place, Lexa reached out to Clarke and took her hand in hers, and at the red lights, mindlessly played with her fingers. 

When the stopped outside the house

Clarke hesitated, but then let go of Lexa's hand and said “Thank you Lexa, Goodnight…” she turned to open the door, when Lexa exclaimed “We’re early, we still have 20 minutes” 

Clarke chuckled “Okay” she said. 

“Unless you want to go in, that’s alright too” Lexa said, making sure Clarke knows she has the option.

“Drive me around some more” Clarke said. 

“Sure” Lexa said, smiling. 

“Wait,” Clarke said, and held her hand out. 

Lexa took it and smiled. 

The roads around Abby’s block were mostly clear, so Lexa didn’t have to worry much about traffic. 

“You mentioned you had a nightmare” she said    
Clarke who was staring out the window with a smile on her face replied 

“yea, but I don’t want to talk about it just yet…” 

“okay” 

“I would rather talk about the dream I had…” she said smiling to herself. 

“okay… tell me” Lexa said. 

“Naw, it’s fine. I should keep it to myself” Clarke chickened out. 

“Oh come on, tell me” Lexa pushed. 

“Take a guess” Clarke challenged and then added. “I lied btw, I think it was in fact a memory.. some part of it at least” 

“yea? okay… uh was I in it?” Lexa asked, curious as ever. 

“yea. you were the only one in it” Clarke said. 

“okay, was it a date?” 

“no, I mean… maybe it was, I don’t know…” Clarke said. 

“Hahaha, what kind of an answer is that?” Lexa teased. 

“Hey, don’t blame me, I saw what I saw” Clarke said. 

“Okay… umm was it my birthday?” Lexa tried guessing again. 

“uhhhh I don’t remember if it was an occasion.” Clarke said 

“What were we doing?” Lexa asked, impatient to know.

“I can’t just tell you that, that’s what you have to guess!” Clarke said. 

“This is harder than I thought.”

Clarke laughed and was then distracted with Lexa’s fingers, she allowed herself some time to just play with them, touch them, caress them. 

“Come back home” Lexa said then, softly. 

Clarke looked up at her 

“I want to” Clarke said. 

“What’s stopping you?” Lexa asked

Clarke stayed silent. 

“okay no pressure, whenever you feel ready. Also, just give me a call, if you wanna talk, or tell me something you saw in a dream or anything like that, or even if you just want to not talk, I can be silent” 

Clarke smiled. 

“I really thought I’d be able to stay away from you, just to gather my thoughts. There’s been a lot happening in my head lately. But I think about you a lot...” Clarke admitted 

“You do?” Lexa asked. 

“Yea” 

“what do you think about?” 

Clarke took Lexa’s hand and in a very bold move, placed it atop her breast “Stop the car…” Clarke said softly. 

“Clarke?” Lexa knew exactly where her hand was, even though she dared not to look. 

“My dream… it was you and me.. in bed…” 

“Oh” Lexa said. 

She turned the car into an alley, and stopped it right there. The seat belts were unbuckled quickly, Lexa pushed her seat behind, and reclined it a bit and Clarke climbed into her lap. 

“Are we really doing this?” Lexa asked, watching Clarke take her top off.

Her hands flew to Clarke’s breasts, she pulled one of the cups of her bra down and sucked on her nipple

Clarke threw her head back in pleasure. Lexa's hands quickly made work of Clarke’s jeans zipper, and her hand disappeared into Clarke’s jeans

She could feel her fingers working their magic in her folds, her soft fingertips gliding through her wetness. 

“Inside!” Clarke demanded, and Lexa dipped two of her fingers inside Clarke. Clarke began grinding down on her hand, while simultaneously trying to kiss Lexa's beautiful lips. 

“God! You’re a sex goddess!” Lexa exclaimed between kisses. 

“Lexa, you’re so good at this… make me come… now… please…” Clarke whined desperately

“Clarke… Clarke….” 

“Clarke!” Lexa’s voice. 

Clarke realized she had dozed off while playing with Lexa’s fingers and had dreamed up the whole car-sex thing too. Great. Just great. 

“We’re here” Clarke looked out. They were at Abby’s place again. 

“When did I fall asleep?” Clarke asked. 

“Did you hear me tell you to come back home?” 

“Yes, I thought I replied to you” Clarke said

“You just replied with a ‘hmmmm’” Lexa said with a chuckle. “Weird though, you dozed off and were still playing with my fingers” Lexa said, amused. 

“You have nice fingers” Clarke said teasingly. 

“So I’ve been told.” Clarke sat up straighter then, and felt the arousal between her legs. What she’d give to be able to take Lexa up to her room right now so that she could devour her. 

“Your pictionary partner awaits.” Clarke said, suddenly remembering that Costia was still to be entertained back at home. 

“Eh, I’m too tired now, I'll probably go home and crash” Lexa said. 

“oh okay” 

“Unless, you’re up and you need someone to talk to, I’m up for that.” Lexa said, not caring that she was beginning to sound desperate.

Clarke considered it. 

“No, I guess I might fall asleep soon too” She had no clue why she did that. 

“okay, well, if you don’t get sleep, don’t hesitate to text me. I know you asked for space, but it can’t be easy dealing with the dreams and memories coming back... alone.” Lexa said. 

“Yea… it’s uhhh… tricky… lonely.” Clarke said sadly. 

They shared a comfortable silence then. And Clarke opened the car door.

“Wait, Clarke, before you go…” Clarke turned back around and Lexa leaned in and placed a soft lingering kiss on her cheek. “I hope it lasts you the night” Lexa said softly near her ear. 

It sent shivers down her body. She stared at Lexa for a moment and then leaned in and kissed her lips gently, ever so softly. 

“I hope this lasts until I’m back home” with that she smiled and walked away. 

Lexa sat there, touching her freshly kissed lips lightly and smiling. 


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28 **

It was about 12.30 am. And Clarke had decided to run herself a bath. She found a lavender bath bomb amongst her mom’s stuff and dropped it in the warm water. 

She undressed, tied her hair up in a bun and stepped inside. The water felt soothing and tingly against her skin.

She sat back and closed her eyes. All she could see was Lexa’s smile. All she could think about was Lexa’s kiss. Lexa’s lips. 

She took a deep breath. She didn’t know whether this was love, she really couldn’t tell yet, but the arousal was enough evidence to show her she was immensely attracted to the woman. Her wife. And she cared about her too. right? 

She suddenly thought about that piece of lingerie she found in their underwear drawer. 

“It’s one of your favourites… on me” Lexa had said. 

Clarke reached for her phone and went into the photo gallery. and did a quick scroll. There were so many photos from so many occasions, she would go through some of the recent ones sometimes to see if they ever triggered a memory, but nothing ever came. And then watching their smiles and their fun in all those photos would end up making her feel sad. 

She did a quick scroll, looking particularly for red lingerie. Apparently she loved to click photos of Lexa in bed with her, most of them were selfies, but you could always see a little bit of her pyjamas in them, 

THERE. 

Clarke sat up straighter, looking at about 10-15 photos of Lexa wearing that particular piece of lingerie. 

It took her a few seconds to realize she had been holding her breath while going through them. 

She didn’t know what made her do it, but she picked out one of them and texted it to Lexa. 

“I found a photo of you wearing it” she wrote. 

and then immediately over-thought it. 

'UGH. Why did I do that. Shit. She’s seen it' Clarke thought. Lexa was typing. 

“Mrs.Woods, I’m quite flattered that you went looking for a photo of me in lingerie at this time of the night, thank you for sharing this with me.” Lexa texted. 

Clarke wanted to drown herself in her own bath tub. ‘okay, cool it. She's your wife. she understands’ 

“Yea.. no.. I was just curious” she typed back 

“About what I look like in lingerie?” Lexa asked.

“No, just… about why it’s my favourite piece.” 

“Oh. So you still think so?” Lexa asked. 

“I would have to see you in the others to know for sure” Clarke said, shamelessly. 

“Is that a request?” 

Clarke shut her eyes tight. What was she doing? This must be so confusing for Lexa. It sure was confusing for her. 

“I’m sorry, ignore me. It’s late. I’m sleep-talking.” Clarke texted. 

“Too bad, I would have obliged. You are my wife after all” 

Clarke bit her lip. Contemplating. 

Lexa quickly wrote another text “So you’re not getting sleep?” 

“Yea, thought I'll run myself a bath” 

“Oh. old habits die hard” Lexa replied. 

“is that so?” 

“Yea, you always loved a good soak in the tub when you had trouble sleeping” Lexa said. 

Clarke smiled. 

“I won’t disturb you. Have a goodnight, Clarke” Lexa replied. 

Clarke didn't really want her to stop talking to her. 

“Are you tired?” She asked Lexa. 

“No, I was struggling to sleep too” 

“What do you do when you struggle to sleep?” Clarke asked. 

Lexa didn’t reply for a while and Clarke wondered if she’d fallen asleep. 

“If you’re already asleep, then I listen to music.” Lexa replied. 

and “And if I’m still awake?” 

Again there was a long pause before she replied. 

“We find ways to tire me out ;)” Lexa said. 

Clarke chuckled at that. She knew Lexa was taking the time to think of appropriate answers. It was sweet. and so very classy of her. 

if you’re not too sleepy, I’d like to chat with you some more” Clarke wrote. 

“I’m at your service, mi lady. Use me as you see fit.”

“What else can you tell me about me? Clarke typed. 

Clarke’s phone began to ring then. 

Lexa’s caller ID photo showed up. and the word ‘Wifey’ 

Clarke smiled and picked it up. 

“It’s so weird you know, we used to text like this when we were dating, and I feel like we’re doing it all over again… except you’re already my wife…” Lexa didn’t exactly sound like she meant it in an upsetting manner. 

“I’m sorry…” 

“Oh no, I mean it in an amusing way. It’s like I’m flirting with you so that you’ll love me, but technically, you’re already my wife.” 

Clarke laughed. “Well, allow me to be the judge of your flirting skills.” 

“Okay, how have I done so far?” 

“Eh, 3/10” Clare said, wanting to annoy Lexa. it worked. 

“What? You can’t be serious.” Lexa said. 

“Well, entertain me some more, and I might change my rating.” 

“Challenge accepted. okay you wanted to know what else I can tell you about you…” 

“aha..” Clarke said, plating with the foam on the surface of the water. 

“You used to love a morning run, you like your coffee strong, and hot chocolate warm, not scalding hot” 

“These are things a lot of people may know about me… tell me something only you know about me...” Clarke challenged. 

“Okay… you hate it if I ever rearrange your toiletries” 

Clarke laughed at that. 

“Yea, you go wild angry.” Lexa added. 

“Okay…” 

“Birthdays are a super big deal to you. You start planning for the kids birthdays months in advance” 

“wow...okay...” Clarke said. 

“You always want to paint me after we’ve had sex...” 

This one made Clarke curious

“Yea? like, paint your body? or on canvas” Clarke asked. 

“On canvas, you keep saying. But we never got around to doing it” Lexa said. 

“But you mentioned I have painted you nude” Clarke said. 

“Yea, but not after sex” Lexa said. 

“You hate it when I kiss over your stretch marks” Lexa said. 

Clarke found her hand moving under water to trace the lines she knew were there on the sides of her stomach. 

“But I love them, they remind me of what we have” 

Clarke couldn’t help but notice, Lexa’s voice had dropped to a lower register. she even heard some shifting around. 

“God, I can’t believe I’m asking this… what are we like… in bed… you and me?” Clarke asked, her own voice dropping a few levels. 

“Hey, don’t beat yourself up for being curious...” Lexa said. “We’re extraordinary…” 

When Clarke didn’t reply immediately, Lexa went on “We’re… WILD… but also, very thoughtful… very... generous” 

Clarke closed her eyes, trying to envision Lexa, the way she’d seen her in her dreams, her hand moved from her waist down between her legs. 

“Generous how…? she asked.

“We enjoy pleasuring one another… 

you make me feel like I have no worry in the world when you’re touching me… you’ve told me you feel safe and absolutely cared for when you’re in my arms...” 

“hmmm… “ Clarke found herself replying back… she put the phone on speaker and kept it on the slab beside her so she could touch herself while listening to Lexa’s voice 

“I love the taste of you Clarke” 

“oh” Clarke found herself saying, amused with Lexa’s boldness and also in reaction to the feelings erupting in her own body. 

She dipped one of her fingers inside herself, and pictured Lexa again..

“yea, infact, it’s a memory I would never be able to forget, the taste of you, the smell of you…” 

“Lexa…” 

“I wish I were in that bath with you right now…” Lexa said. 

“Me too” Clarke found herself saying, as she moved her fingers over and around her already over-sensitive clit. 

“or that you were here with me…” 

“What would you do?” 

“I’d make love to you… to your body…” 

Clarke heard a hitch in Lexa’s breath and wondered if she were touching herself too. 

“Do you think about me? at night…” Clarke asked.

“I think about you all the time…Clarke” Lexa replied. Clarke began to thrust her fingers in deeper, rub her clit a little faster. 

“yea?” 

“I think about how I want to make you come in our bed again, I think about how I want to squeeze your beautiful breasts…” 

“yes” Clarke found herself saying. 

“Clarke, I’m so ashamed of myself, I look at photos of you and get myself off sometimes…” 

It was so honest, so raw. Clarke almost came from just hearing it. She quickly took her phone, opened up the camera and clicked a photo of herself and sent it to Lexa. 

“I don’t want you to be ashamed… we both have needs… I want to be able to help… Did you receive the photo? Clarke asked. 

“You look extraordinary Clarke, as always...” 

Clarke was so close. “Lexa, tell me what you do while staring at photos of me…” 

Everything about this was so raw, and open, and she wondered if Lexa was okay with this… she would hate herself if Lexa felt obligated to do this with her…

“I picture you here with me… I picture what your face looks like when my fingers are inside you..”

“YES…” 

“I think about how soft and warm your folds feel against my lips when I taste you between your legs” 

“OH LEXA….” 

“I think about your lips on me… on my breasts…”

Clarke was so close, she rubbed, faster and faster...almost there

“I think about how you’re mine, and no one else gets to see you this way” 

It pushed Clarke off the edge. she came hard, and moaning and breathless and whispering Lexa’s name.    
  
on the other side of the call she could hear Lexa’s breath hitch, and her breathing paced quicker, and though the sound was rather faint as if Lexa had kept her phone away to finish the job, she heard Lexa moaning her name, Clarke touched herself some more while listening in and found she had a second orgasm from just picturing Lexa getting off. 

they were silent for a few moments. 

“I quite enjoyed that, Clarke” 

The blush that rose to her cheeks was enough to put a pre-pubescent kid to shame. 

“me too” Clarke said. 

“I hope you’re not weirded out by what just happened, I know you don’t remember a lot…” 

“No, no.. it was… really nice… and really nice of you to...” 

“You forget that I'm your wife” Lexa said with a chuckle. 

Clarke laughed “yea.” 

“I’ll let you finish your bath.” Lexa said. 

“I’ll let you get some sleep” Clarke replied. 

“Goodnight Clarke.” Lexa said and cut the call. 

Lexa stared up at the ceiling. wow. what just happened. 

she was alerted of a text on her phone. It was from Clarke.  “10/10” it said. 

Lexa laughed. 

“I think I’ll come back home sometime next week” Clarke's text read. 

Lexa’s heart was filled with joy. “But I’d like to talk with you first… about what’s been on my mind.” 

“Sure.” Lexa said. 

“I’ll come drop Jake off day after tomorrow myself. And maybe we can talk then?” 

“Yes, yes, ofcourse.” Lexa replied. 

“Thank you, Lexa” 

“Are you seriously thanking me” 

“I mean for everything. your patience, your understanding, all of it. I know how hard this has been for you” Clarke texted. 

Lexa smiled. 

“How very Clarke of you to get emotional after sex” Lexa teased. 

“Shut up. wow really? I always do this?”

“I’m kidding. Almost. Goodnight Clarke” Lexa said. 

“Goodnight Lex” 

  
  
  



	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29. **

When Lexa came downstairs the next morning, she spotted Raven and Anya both, cuddled together on the couch. 

“Good morning, love birds” She called out to wake them. it startled them, but worked. 

“Hey,” Raven said. 

“When did my sister get in last night?” Lexa asked as she made her way into the kitchen to start up the coffee. 

“About 2 am” Anya replied from the couch, now please let me sleep some more. 

“I’m not the one who probably took some of your sleep time to have sex” 

“We did not have sex on your couch.” Raven said as she walked into the kitchen, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

She sat on one of the stools by the kitchen island and watched Lexa make coffee.

When Lexa finally faced her

“Oh. My. God.” Raven exclaimed. 

“what?” Lexa looked at her confused. 

“You had sex” 

“What?!” Lexa looked confused. 

Raven took a minute to think and then quickly got off her stool and walked around the island to corner Lexa. 

“IF YOU CHEATED ON MY BEST FRIEND WITH YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND IT IS MY DUTY TO MURDER BOTH OF YOU RIGHT NOW” 

“GEEZ RAVEN! you haven’t even brushed yet, get out of my face. and no I did not have sex. least of all with Cos” 

“Cos huh?” Raven said, backing off a little. “Explain that look to me then” 

“What look? there’s no look, this is my face.”

“Nope. There’s a glow. it’s an “I just had a mind-blowing night’ glow. 

Lexa smiled to herself. 

“tell me” 

“It’s nothing okay…” 

“who was it?” 

“Raven, I wouldn’t cheat on Clarke”

“If Clarke was here last night I’d know. I mind the door, remember” 

“She wasn’t here. We just… well, we were texting…”

Raven’s eyes widened. 

“And then I called her up…” Lexa said. 

“Wow! that girl was so horny all of last evening, I’m just glad you figured it out” 

“wait what?” Lexa chuckled. 

“YES. She was all riled up from the moment she woke up last afternoon” 

“That would make sense” 

“Exactly. well, I’m glad you two have found a way to still get it on” 

“Get what on?” Aden asked as he entered the kitchen and sat beside Raven. 

“Nothing” both women exclaimed. 

“Aunt Anya’s here” 

“yea she came in last night” 

Madi entered soon after, and then Costia came in, carrying little Jake along with her. Lexa quickly got breakfast ready for all of them, and then sent the kids up to get ready for school, and also pack an overnight bag as they would be staying at Abby’s tonight. 

“I can drop Jake over today.” Anya said when she entered the kitchen. 

“Great, thanks” Anya kissed Raven on the lips and said “I'm going to go take a shower and then let’s decide where we can do lunch?” she told her. 

“Sure” Raven said, with a smile. 

“you guys are going out for lunch today?” Lexa asked.

“Yea, sorry, it was a last minute plan” 

“Everything okay?” Lexa asked. 

“Yes yes, why wouldn't it be?” Raven said. 

“Just asking” 

“So it’s just you and me then for the rest of the day, Woods” Costia said. Raven stopped chewing on her food for a second and looked up at Lexa. 

“I guess” Lexa said, chuckling. 

“Don’t worry, my flight’s tonight, so I’ll be out of your sight soon.” 

“Hahahah don’t be ridiculous Cos, it’s always nice having you back” Lexa said. Raven just watched the exchange with intrigue. 

“What time is your flight?” Raven asked. 

“2 am” 

Raven nodded. 

When Aden and Madi left for school, they hugged Costia goodbye. She kissed them and told them to keep in touch. 

A few hours later, it was just Lexa and Costia. 

Lexa had no reason to feel weird about this, really. There was nothing between her and Costia, but she still felt odd having her here, in her and Clarke’s home. Especially cause Clarke wasn’t here. 

Clarke, she wondered if she should check on her. They hadn’t really said anything to one another after last night. 

She sat on the couch and picked up her phone and sent Clarke a text message. 

“Hi, how are you feeling today?”

A few minutes later she left her another text. 

“Anya will come drop Jake off today afternoon. Raven and her have stepped out for lunch, so I guess she’ll bring him over once they’re back.”

a few minutes later she felt the need to inform

“Raven told me it was a pretty last minute plan, and we realized, that it’s just gonna be me and Costia at home today.” 

a few minutes later

“Okay I don’t know why I felt the need to let you know, I mean not that you shouldn’t know… but also, not that there’s any reason for you to be worried.” 

Lexa looked at the texts and judged herself. She probably sounded crazy to Clarke. 

She kept her phone away and went to the kitchen to start preparing lunch. 

A few minutes later Costia walked in, fresh out of the shower and in a fresh set of clothes. 

“Lexa, I need your help with something. I was asking Madi to do it all these days but in saying goodbye, I completely forgot” 

“What is it?” 

“It’s just these eye drops. Everytime I try to put them myself, I end up not aiming right. Could you… please?”

“Yea yea, sure, why not.” Lexa said, wiping her hands on a napkin, and then taking the tiny bottle from her hand. she instructed Costia to sit on one of the stools by the kitchen island, she stood before her and administered the drops effectively. 

“Oh my god, thank you. the lenses, they dry easily, so my doctor prescribed this” 

“yea yea, sure. no problem” 

“Can I help with lunch?” 

“I was just getting started actually” 

“Great, tell me what to do” 

Lexa smiled, and then instructed Costia on how she could help. It was fun. Cooking lunch with her. Lexa realized more than anything, she’d missed Costia as a friend. The past all left behind, Costia was still a good human being, and really cared about Lexa and her family, enough to come visit now and then and even keep in touch with the kids. 

They were an hour in and the food was almost ready, Lexa realized her phone was still in the living room. She went over to check and saw there were 2 texts from Clarke, and two missed calls in between them. 

She quickly called Clarke back, but she didn’t pick. so she checked the messages. The first one said 

“Had another bad dream, can we talk?” 

and then a few minutes later, and the 2 missed calls later, the text read

“Actually, I’m fine. Sorry. Really, nothing to worry about” 

“Clarke, I’m sorry I missed your calls, would you like me to come over right now? I can. ” 

“No no, I’m fine. The kids will be over soon anyway, I’ll be fine.” 

Lexa looked at the text and contemplated what she should do. And then she remembered that Clarke said she would come over tomorrow anyway to talk, so she let it go. 

Raven and Anya returned, but only to pick Jake up and take him to Abby’s. After that they were going to spend the evening out at the park. Date night, Lexa figured. 

Lexa and Costia had lunch together on the couch and watched some talk shows on TV. 

Then Costia was telling Lexa about work, and what she was currently doing. Lexa opened up to her about all the anguish she went through when Clarke was in the hospital. it was comforting in a way, to just talk it all out to a dear friend. 

Lexa received a text from Madi saying

“We’re reached grandma’s place. Jake’s here too.” 

“Great, thanks for buzzing me, baby girl, have fun, and don't trouble your momma too much okay. I’ll see you’ll tomorrow.” 

“Yes, don’t worry” 

“How’s momma?” 

“She’s great, mom.” 

“Okay” Lexa replied and then continued her conversation with Costia. 

Later in the evening, Costia disappeared upstairs to Pack up some stuff, Lexa spent her time reading in her room. 

“I’ll be staying over at Anya’s tonight, so don’t wait up for me.” Raven texted. 

“I wasn’t going to. But okay. Thanks for letting me know. Everything okay between you two?” 

“Yes, never been better” Raven replied. 

“I don’t know what’s up with you two, but I trust either one of you will spill soon” Lexa replied. 

Costia suggested they order chinese for dinner and not bother with cooking. So they just lounged on the couch, talking about random stuff, laughing about old stories from when they were together. Lexa didn’t even realize how time flew.

Costia looked at her phone and said “wow, it’s 12 already, I should get going to the airport.”

She stood up. 

“oh yea, right. umm… do you need a drop?”

“No, no, I’ll call a cab.” Costia said. 

Lexa stood up to say goodbye

“Anyway, thanks for letting me stay Lexa, and please also tell Clarke I really appreciate it. It felt good getting to catch up with you and the kids again” 

“Likewise Cos. Keep in touch.” 

Costia pulled Lexa in for a hug. 

“Give Raven and Anya my love too” she walked to the door with her bag

“Oh shit, I completely forgot.” 

“What is it?” Lexa asked. 

“I have to put those drops on again. It’s a twice a day thing.” Costia explained. 

“Oh yea, sure, allow me.” Lexa offered. 

Costia took the little bottle out of her bag and went over to the couch. Lexa sat beside her, and leaned over, to administer the drops. 

The front door was pushed open, and in came Clarke. 

“Lexa?” she called out when she saw Lexa hovering over Costia on the couch. 


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

Lexa was startled by the voice. She looked around and saw it was Clarke. 

“Clarke!” 

Lexa noticed her eyes. Red rimmed, like she’d been crying for a few hours. her hair was up in a messy bun. she looked like she had just pulled on whatever clothes she could find. 

Lexa took a few steps forward to approach her “Clarke, baby, what happened? have you been crying?” 

“What is going on?” Clarke asked, looking between Costia and Lexa. 

It took Lexa a second to realize what it must have looked like to Clarke when she entered. 

“WAIT. NO. EYE DROPS! I was helping Costia administer her eye drops” 

Clarke looked at the bottle in her hand and visibly relaxed. But she still looked so troubled, it worried Lexa more than ever.

“Clarke… sit down” Lexa said, reaching out to lightly grasp her hand. she looked so tired and troubled. 

“I should take my leave, now…” Costia said. 

“yes, I’ll… uh... walk you to the door” 

“Goodbye Clarke, please take care,” Costia said. 

Clarke nodded and gave her a small smile, and then went on to sit down. 

Lexa said bye to Costia and quickly came to Clarke. 

Clarke was sitting at the edge of the couch, looking down at her feet, her fingers digging into the sides of her forehead

“Hey…” Lexa knelt down near her and placed her hand on her knee. 

“Clarke… look at me…” 

She did, and Lexa saw her crying, her face contorted trying to hold back the sobs. 

“Whatever it is you’ve been seeing in your dreams, I want you to just come clean and tell me, and I will help you decipher what's true and what isn’t… okay?” she reached up to move Clarke’s hair behind her ears.

Clarke nodded. 

“Can I get you some water?” 

Clarke nodded. 

“Breathe, take deep breaths, I’m here, and I’m going to help you through this okay?” 

she nodded again, and tried to sit back a little. 

Lexa quickly ran to the kitchen and got a jug of water with a glass, poured it and gave it to Clarke, and then she sat beside her, an arm around her shoulder. 

“talk to me, whenever you feel comfortable to… I'm right here, and we have all the time in the world, okay?” 

Lexa let her lips slowly connect with the side of Clarke’s head. she could feel Clarke’s body calm down a little. 

“it’s okay… deep breaths” Lexa whispered into her skin. 

Lexa began to draw lazy patterns with her finger on Clarke’s shoulder, it seemed to help, 5 minutes and Clarke’s breathing seemed to have come to normal, she wasn’t struggling to breathe between crying, but she still looked so defeated. 

“Aden, Madi and Jake.. were they…?” 

“They’re fine” Clarke looked at Lexa, wanting to assure her. “Everything was fine, I tucked them in, they’re asleep…” 

“Does Abby know you’re...” Lexa began to ask. 

“I texted her when I got a cab, told her I was coming to see you, that I needed to see you” Clarke said

“Okay, as long as she’s aware” 

“Costia and you…” Clarke started

“It was nothing. I really was just putting drops into her eyes… it just so happened that Raven, Anya and the kids were not going to be at home today. And it was just me and her, and all we did was make lunch and lounge around and do our own thing…” 

Clarke shifted a little to angle herself towards Lexa

“I uhh… the last few days, I’ve had a lot of memories come back.” 

“yea?” Lexa said with a smile. 

“yea, so much about you…” Clarke said, her gaze fixing onto Lexa’s eyes. 

“our wedding day, our honeymoon, some of our most memorable dates from college...” 

Lexa’s eyes brimmed a little bit, she looked down to take Clarke’s hands in hers. 

“But Lex… there was.. ummm...” Clarke began. She looked away and then back down at their hands. 

“Go on, I’m listening…” Lexa encouraged. 

“There was one dream I had… nightmare.. that umm… really scared me…” 

“You can tell me anything Clarke, I’ll clear it out for you” 

“I don’t know if you can.” Clarke said quickly. “I don’t know if I ever told you” Clarke was crying again, tears flowing freely. 

“Baby, it’s okay… shhh” Lexa tried to comfort her wife. 

Lexa now held Clarke’s face, allowing her thumbs to lightly wipe away the falling tears from under those beautiful blue eyes she loved so much. 

“Just tell me, and we’ll find a way to fix whatever it is that’s bothering you okay… just tell me…” Lexa coaxed. 

Clarke closed her eyes. 

“Lexa… Lexa I think I’ve cheated on you… with Bellamy Blake…” Clarke finally said. 

Silence. there was Silence for 2 seconds and then sobs. Clarke was trembling. 

“Lexa brought Clarke’s face close to hers, letting their foreheads touch. and whispered...

“Shhh baby… Clarke… I know…” Lexa finally said to her. 

This only made Clarke cry harder. She buried her face into Lexa’s shoulder and cried her heart out. 

Lexa put her arms around her and tried to rub soothing circles on her back. 

“I’m so sorry, going through that once was traumatic enough, I feel so bad you had to feel that guilt twice now.” Lexa said.

Clarke looked up at her. 

“I don’t understand.. how are you… how are you so calm, how are you not throwing me out of our home right now… how are you not raging with anger” Clarke asked. 

“Because... we’ve punished ourselves enough when it happened. I don’t want to put either of us through that again…” 

Clarke looked beyond confused. 

Lexa reached out to the tissue box on the table, pulled out two napkins and handed them over to Clarke. “Listen to me carefully now, okay?... 

This happened so many years ago baby, we were living together, unmarried. You started acting weird, picking fights with me, coming home drunk, partying with Bellamy and some other friends a lot, being very irresponsible. One morning you came home completely hungover and upset, and you wouldn't say why. Somehow I got you to at least relax, we made love too that night I remember, I thought you’d be fine after that and you’d tell me what’s going on. But before anything, I saw a couple of texts on your phone that led me to believe you slept with Bellamy Blake.”

“Lexa… I’m so sorry” Clarke interrupted. 

“Clarke please, you don’t have to do this, it’s all behind us now… it still hurts when I think about it, but it’s a faint little ache at the back of my mind, it’s really nothing to me now, after all these years that we’ve spent together… I know who you are, I know how you love, and I know what you mean to me...

So yea, I was so mad at you then, I felt so betrayed, I left home. I moved to live with Anya and refused to take your calls, I got a new number and never let anyone tell you my whereabouts. After a year there, I wanted to fulfill my dream of being a mother. So I adopted Madi. I had a couple of flings there, tried dating, and failed miserably because I couldn’t get you off my mind, even though you’d done me wrong.” 

“Is that when you met costia?” Clarke asked. 

“Yes” Lexa confirmed “Costia was a really good friend of mine, and Madi’s too. Madi looked up to her so much. she still does, even now. Costia fell for me, while I was still reeling from everything that happened… so I couldn’t love Costia the way she wanted me to… but we remained friends…” 

Clarke nodded in understanding. 

“Then Anya’s transfer at work led us back here. And we hadn’t found a place to live in yet, and Anya and Raven had gotten talking and convinced me to come back here to stay for a while. That’s when I came home, and you met Madi, and I met Aden…” 

“Aden was…” Clarke said, still trying hard to connect the dots. 

“I assumed Aden was a child conceived after you slept with Bellamy” said Lexa. 

Panic filled Clarke’s eyes. 

“No baby, I was wrong. Aden was the child you conceived for me, he was the child whose ‘potential’ face we’d fallen in love with at the clinic on the day we went in for a random consultation...” 

“Why did I do it?” Clarke asked desperately. 

“You were going through a lot, you started hating yourself, hating your body for not being able to conceive. It started with drinking, trying to let yourself go, trying to forget the fact that you couldn’t give us a family, but the night it happened, you had taken ecstasy from some shady dealer. And one thing led to another…” 

“How am I here? how are you still with me... you married me... we had Jake…” Clarke ranted, confused, unsure. 

Lexa almost chuckled through her own tears now. 

“As I said, we did our years of punishing ourselves. We did our years of fixing ourselves….” Lexa said. 

“You never needed fixing…” Clarke said. 

“Clarke, after this happened, we both went through a lot, I did therapy cause I was depressed, so did you… you were even on pills for a while… the anxiety, the depression, all of it affected us badly, but we grew. We really grew up. More so because we had Madi and Aden to think of. From the first day I met him and discovered that he’s ours, I felt this ‘mama-bear’-ish protectiveness for him. I refused to let him grow up thinking he had a single mother or that his second mother abandoned him. And I think you felt the same kind of motherly instinct for Madi, like she was your own. 

We grew up and learned to love better. It was difficult. Learning to trust again, but you put in so much work, you were determined to prove to me how much you were in this. We found love in a completely new avatar. It was still us, still the same hearts, just, stronger I guess, more sure of what we wanted. 

“What was that?” Clarke asked after a sniffle. 

Lexa took a deep breath, brought both of Clarke’s hands up to kiss over her knuckles. 

“Each other. A family. To live together until death do us part. We wanted to grow old with one another, watch our kids grow up and have their own lives, be proud of whoever they wanted to become...” 

“We still want that.” Clarke said. 

Lexa smiled “yes, yes of course we do” 

“God! Lexa, this nightmare had been eating me up inside, I couldn't sleep. After we spoke last night I actually dozed off into a beautiful slumber, but I woke up in the middle of the night with that vision. and then I couldn't go back to sleep. Then I thought I’d talk to you about it this morning, but if this was something I was going to be telling you for the first time, that I had cheated on you, I couldn’t do that over the phone, but hell, I didn’t know how I was going to tell you in person either.” 

“it’s okay…” Clarke tried to comfort her. 

“And it was haunting me. Once the kids came over, I was fine, I was distracted. God! They bring me so much joy, all 3 of them, they’re like my angels” Clarke smiled through her rant. 

“But once they were asleep, and I tried to sleep, and that memory kept coming back like a ghost and it terrified me that I had done such a thing.. I just didn’t want it to be true… I’m so sorry I did that to you, to us, Lex, I’m so sorry...” 

Lexa held Clarke’s face to stop her, and then in one quick motion, pulled her face closer to kiss her. 

Their lips collided and moved swiftly against one another, until Lexa knew for sure, Clarke was back here, in the present moment. 

She pulled away and smiled softly, gazing into her lover’s blue eyes. 

“We’re here. We’re okay, our children are okay, you’re safe and healthy and your memories are coming back to you… honestly, I’m just grateful for where we are Clarke, I’m done looking back into the past… I just want you to come home, be with me again...Love me again...” 

“I love you” 

There it was. Lexa never expected it. But there it was. Words she didn’t know she needed so bad. 

“I love you. I'm sure of it, I remember it. I feel it. I know it.” Clarke said desperately, searching Lexa’s green eyes. 

“You’re not just saying this cause I gave you a good time last night?” Lexa tried to make light of the situation. That actually made Clarke laugh

“Lex!” Clarke hit her playfully.

Lexa leaned in and began to kiss her lips again, softly. 

“I love you too, Mrs. Woods, more than words can tell.” Lexa said against her lips. 

“Then don’t use words. Kiss me” Clarke said. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the update. There's more to come. So stay tuned, and do let me know what you think of these last 5 chapters. Did it excite you enough? Did it completely tear you apart? Did you feel nothing? or everything? Rant away. 
> 
> Also, we'll soon be nearing the end of this story soon. If you'd like to see ceratin loops being closed, anything that may have risen curiosity and hasn't been closed yet because I've simply digressed with my two lead characters. Any scene you'd like me to write out. Even new story ideas/prompts. Feel free to leave a comment.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone. Here's your new update. 4 more chapters to make everyone's weekend better. Lots of love and hugs!

**Chapter 31**

What started off as sweet kisses and caresses grew into heated kisses and roaming hands. 

Clarke’s more than Lexa’s. 

“Clarke…” Lexa said between kisses. 

“hmmm” Clarke hummed into the kiss, her lips gliding smoothly against Lexa’s

“We should maybe… slow down…” Lexa suggested… already feeling her body lose all control as Clarke kissed down the column of her neck. 

“You want me to stop?” Clarke said close to Lexa’s ear. 

“No…” Lexa found herself saying, her own hands wanting to touch Clarke everywhere. 

she quickly reached for her face and brought her lips back to hers. 

“Don’t stop, just… slow down..” 

“Why?” Clarke asked.

“I don’t want you to… lose yourself in the moment and then feel horrible later.” Lexa said. 

Clarke moved an inch back and looked into Lexa’s eyes. 

“Why do you think I'll regret making love to you?” Clarke asked. 

“I don’t know… maybe you’re doing this cause you feel you owe me, after learning that you once cheated on me, maybe you’re just acting on the heat of the moment, maybe you’re still feeling guilty about it…” Lexa said. 

Clarke gazed at her eyes for a moment, allowing herself time to think about what she just said. 

“Yea… you could be right..” Clarke admitted. 

“Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing I want more than to throw you down on our couch and worship your body, hell, I’ve been needing you for so long…” Lexa’s own gaze shifted down to Clarke’s breasts and it didn’t go unnoticed by Clarke. 

“Needing to love you.” she said, looking back up at Clarke’s eyes. 

Clarke smiled, traced the outline of Lexa’s face with her fingers, admiring her beauty. Lexa closed her eyes. Clarke leaned in and placed soft butterfly kisses along Lexa’s face, on her forehead, her nose, her cheekbones, her cheeks, around the corner of her lips, her jaw and when her lips were close to her ear she whispered 

“Raven always told me I hit the jackpot with you and I shouldn’t fuck it up.” 

Lexa chuckled “you remember that huh?” she asked. 

Clarke nodded. 

They stared at one another lovingly for a few seconds and then Lexa pushed a stray lock of Clarke's hair behind her ear and asked “Should I drop you home?” 

Clarke thought for a moment and the said “I am home.”

Lexa smiled. “Then stay. Here. Tonight...” 

“Promise me you won’t let me sleep alone?” Clarke said, fidgeting with the collar of Lexa’s shirt. 

“You're sure you’re okay with that?” Lexa asked, just wanting to make sure. 

Clarke nodded. “I don’t wanna wake up alone if I end up having a nightmare again.” 

“Alright, I’ll be right there with you.” Lexa promised. 

Clarke leaned in and kissed Lexa’s lips again. 

“The kids?” Lexa asked. 

“We’ll go over tomorrow morning, take them to school, and I’ll come back with you here. Bring all of the stuff I took with me there for my little escapade” 

Lexa laughed. “I should hide your bags so that you don’t ever pack and leave again like that.” 

“I won’t leave. I won't leave you, Lexa. Never again.” Clarke said. 

There was so much sincerity to it. Clarke wanted to make sure Lexa knew how serious she was. 

“I believe you.” Lexa assured her. 

  
“I’m gonna leave Abby a text. Just so that she’s aware.” Lexa said, reaching for her phone. 

“Okay. umm… I think I want to take a shower before going to bed, is that okay?” Clarke said, rising up from the couch and tying her hair up into a messy bun. 

“Yes of course, sure.” Lexa said. 

Clarke took two steps and then came back, kissed Lexa again and went upstairs. 

“Abby, Clarke’s staying the night. We’ll come over early tomorrow morning to take the kids to school, and then I think Clarke wants to come home” Lexa sent the text to Abby.

Surprisingly, Abby replied.

“That’s great news, Lexa. I’m glad. Have a goodnight.” 

Lexa went into the kitchen to keep the dried dishes away, wiped the kitchen counter, turned all the lights off and headed upstairs. 

Clarke was still in the shower when she entered the bedroom, so she decided to quickly change. 

She put on one of her baggy t-shirts. she usually slept in just her underwear, but she really didn’t want to make Clarke uncomfortable if that was not what she was expecting, so she put on a pair of her boxer shorts, combed her hair a little bit, just to take out the day’s knots, and then pulled the covers aside, and got in on her side of the bed. She picked up her book from the bedside table and continued to read from where she last left off.

She hadn’t heard the shower go off, and neither had she heard the bathroom door open. So when she looked up from her book, having noticed movement in the room, she did not expect to see Clarke standing there with just a towel wrapped around her. her hair wet, and drops dripping down her shoulders. 

“Shit” Clarke exclaimed. She almost turned around, but then realized she was already out now and Lexa had already seen her. 

“I’m sorry, I forgot to take my clothes in” 

Lexa had to remind herself to speak. 

“uh... yea, no. I get it. it’s alright” she said, and tried to bury her gaze back into her book, hoping Clarke would understand she had no intention of ogling like that. 

from the corner of her eye though, she watched as Clarke went over to their wardrobe and looked through some clothes. 

“Uhh.. Lexa…?” 

“Yes. hold on.” Lexa should have thought about that. Clarke wasn’t sure which were her clothes. She quickly got out of bed and stood beside Clarke, she could feel the heat radiating off Clarke. She had had a really warm shower. 

“This should do.” she said as she handed her a t-shirt, a pair of shorts and pointed to the drawer and said “Your underwear…” 

“Yes, I can get that. Thank you. Clarke said, unable to make eye contact with Lexa.

“I'll give you some privacy, I’ll just go have a wash.” Lexa said, turning to go into the bathroom to wash her face and brush. 

When Lexa was done, she wondered if Clarke was done dressing. She pushed the bathroom door just slightly ajar, and could see Clarke facing the other way, wearing only her underwear. She was toweling her hair. 

Lexa took a moment, as shameless as it felt, to admire her wife’s body. Clarke was beautiful. Her creamy white skin, those dimples on her back, the way her skin creased slightly at her waist when she bent, and she had the cutest ass. Lexa shut her eyes, feeling like a total perv. Was it pervy though? to be watching your wife like this. Once Clarke had put on her t-shirt, Lexa made her presence known. 

“Did you carry your medication here?” Lexa asked

“I took them before getting to bed earlier tonight” Clarke said as she made her way over to her side of the bed, and got in under the covers. 

“Do you need anything? Are you hungry? should I make you a snack or something?” Lexa asked, looking around, wanting something to do. 

“Are you always this nervous to sleep with me?” Clarke asked. 

Lexa finally looked at her and laughed. 

“I’m not nervous, I just...wanted to make sure you’re comfortable.” Lexa said. 

“I am. Come. Sleep.” Clarke said, tapping the space beside her.

Lexa nodded and then got in.

Both of them laid down, and for a moment were just staring at the ceiling. Suddenly Clarke heard Lexa chuckle.

“What’s so funny?” she asked, turning her body to face Lexa.

Lexa looked at her and then turned properly to face her too. 

“Just that… the house is practically empty. The kids are at Abbys, Raven and Anya are out, it’s just you and me… It’s something we used to joke we’d never have- alone time and this much privacy.” 

Clarke laughed now too. 

She placed her hand between their pillows and Lexa placed her hand over hers. 

“I do want to have sex with you, you know.” Clarke said, biting her lip. 

“Me too” Lexa said, watching Clarke’s lips. 

Clarke then shifted and leaned in and kissed Lexa’s lips, for a good 10 seconds, even letting her tongue find Lexa’s, letting her hand graze lightly over Lexa’s t-shirt. She was sure she felt Lexa’s body shiver. 

And then she whispered “Goodnight Lex” and went back to her pillow, smiling to herself and closed her eyes. She did however keep her hand placed between their pillows, so Lexa placed her hand on hers again, lightly grazed her fingers against Clarke’s and said 

“Goodnight, baby.” 


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

Clarke’s eyes opened just enough to notice, it was still early morning. The curtains of their room window were still drawn and the room wasn’t at all too bright yet. she closed her eyes again, hoping to fall back asleep, to get some more rest, her body felt like it was floating, she probably had the most restful sleep in the whole week last night. 

She inhaled deeply, and on the exhale, she realized, there was a weight on her waist. Lexa. Lexa who she could hear softly breathing, still in her sleep was spooning her. She became hyper-aware of Lexa’s proximity. her front was pressed against her back, Clarke could feel Lexa’s soft breath hitting the back of her head. their feet were entangled. 

“Lexa…” she said softly, wanting to know if Lexa was aware of their positions.

She didn’t respond. Clarke figured she was still asleep. She also decided she quite liked that they had drifted into this position sometime in the middle of the night. She closed her eyes and decided to just try and sleep some more, and not really overthink it. 

That’s when Lexa shifted a little 

“Lexa…?” she asked again, this time, she heard Lexa take a deep inhale and hum. 

Lexa mumbled something that Clarke figured had to be “Hair smells good”.

Clarke smiled. Then she felt Lexa’s arm lying across her waist shifted a little. Her t-shirt rode up a little in the process, exposing her skin to the cool air of the room. She shivered a little. 

“mmm.. you cold…?” Lexa asked, still seemingly half in her sleep. and then her hand moved to the exposed skin, and very nonchalantly slipped into her t-shirt and reached up to cup her breast. 

Clarke’s body stiffened. Did Lexa realize what she was doing? or was she still in her sleep. Clarke closed her eyes. The feeling was so intimate, so… she couldn’t put a word to it. 

She shifted her thighs a little, and realized she was turned on already. Lexa was affected by the shifting, but it made her cuddle closer and lightly squeeze Clarke's breast

“Don’t get up yet…” Lexa whined. 

If getting up meant Lexa would come to her senses and move her hand away, Clarke was sure she didn’t want that now. 

She closed her eyes and tried to just go back to sleep, giddy at the idea of Lexa holding her this way. 

  
The sound of an alarm startled Clarke awake, and by the movement of Lexa’s hand, clearly it seemed to have woken Lexa too. 

Clarke shut her eyes tight, Lexa definitely realized where her hand was. 

“Wow” Lexa replied. Not taking her hand away just yet. 

“yea… wow” Clarke said, still not facing her. 

“I… uh…” Lexa began

“If you start to apologize, I will start a pillow fight.” Clarke said, finally turning her face to look behind at Lexa who was smiling wide.

She looked gorgeous. How could anyone look this perfect the minute after they’ve woken up. 

“did you… um…” Lexa looked at where her hand disappeared under Clarke’s t-shirt. 

“I know I was desperate last night, but even you’ve got to give me better credit than that.” Clarke said, feigning offense. 

“Shit. So it was me.” Lexa said, and removed her hand from under Lexa’s t-shirt, deciding not to make eye contact with Clarke yet. 

Lexa quickly laid back and shifted so she was on her side of the bed again. Clarke turned and followed quickly, caressing Lexa’s face and kissing her. 

This time, Lexa was in no mood to slow her down or stop her, and it showed. 

Their kiss grew heated and more explorative. Lexa lightly pushed Clarke's shoulder, so that she could lean over her. Clarke took her hand that was caressing her face and guided it over her t-shirt to her breast. 

“Touch me…” Clarke panted out between kisses.

“We’re doing this...” Lexa stated, she herself wasn’t sure if she was asking, or affirming. 

But she felt Clarke nod slightly, and her hand was already reaching to take Lexa’s t-shirt off. 

Lexa got on top of Clarke, Clarke spread her legs out to cradle Lexa’s hips between her own. 

“Gosh, you’re beautiful” Lexa panted out before diving right back in to kiss along Clarke’s neck...

Clarke managed to get Lexa’s t-shirt off, and then pulled herself up to quickly take one of Lexa’s nipples between her lips. Lexa threw her head back. 

The pleasure was immense and pooling quickly between her legs

“Oh CLARKE!” she exclaimed. 

Clarke was merciless in fondling Lexa’s perky little breasts. She squeezed one with one hand, and kissed and sucked the other.

Lexa ran her hand down Clarke's hair, now and then kissing over her head. 

“Baby, take your clothes off now!” Lexa demanded, and then reached down for Clarke’s t-shirt hem and pulled it up above her head. She pushed Clarke to lay back down, and devoured her body, kissing right from her neck, to her collar bone, down the middle of her breasts, she then spent a few extra moments on her breasts, making pure sweet love to them, Clarke arched her back, Lexa’s lips were driving her crazy. 

“I never thought I’d get to do this again…” Lexa whispered into her skin, as she kissed right over Clarke’s belly

It made Clarke a little emotional. She knew what Lexa probably went through, thinking her wife would never have her memories back…

Clarke tugged at Lexa’s shoulder, to get her to come back up and kiss her, but Lexa seemed to have other plans. She sat on the bed between Clarke’s legs and began kissing down her thigh, closer down towards her centre. 

“Lex…” Clakre moaned with her eyes shut tight. 

“Baby, if you’re not comfortable yet, I’ll stop…” Lexa said softly. 

“No no.. that’s not it… I just… I’m REALLLY wet” Clarke admitted. 

Lexa smiled, and reached out to pull Clarke’s shorts and underwear off. 

“Gorgeous as always” Lexa said before dipping her tongue between Clarke’s folds. 

Clarke could have sworn she saw stars, she was sooo close, she reached down to caress Lexa’s face, hair anything, she wanted to touch her, So Lexa took her hand and interlaced their fingers, Clarke brought her hand up to her breast. Lexa pinched and squeezed and fondled her breast.

Every sensation was driving Clarke crazy.

The alarm went off again, it had been snoozed earlier. Clarke snoozed it again. 

“Fuck, we’re late!” Lexa exclaimed into Clarke’s skin

“Fuck, I’m so close!” Clarke exclaimed. 

Lexa added her fingers to the mix, dipping in and out of Clarke, her tongue doing wild things to her clit. 

“YES! YES! YES!” Clarke came hard and loud against her lover’s face. “OH LEX.. I love you, I love you sooo much” 

The alarm went off again. 

And this time, Clarke’s eyes opened to find Lexa’s hand was still on her breast, Lexa was still very still behind her, spooning her. and her own other hand was awkwardly inside her underwear where she’d just gotten herself off. 

“fuck” she whispered shutting her eyes tight. It was a dream. A really, wet, dream. 

“wow,” she heard Lexa’s voice from behind her. She turned a little to find, Lexa, with her head propped up on one hand, had been watching her the entire time. 

“That has gotta be the hottest of all the times I’ve watched you sleep or get yourself off.” 

Clarke turned red with embarrassment and hid her face in her pillow. 

“I was embarrassed when I woke up to find I had crept up to you in the night to spoon you and touch you, so we’re even, don’t worry.” 

“Please leave me alone to die of embarrassment.” Clarke said dramatically. 

Lexa laughed, and finally took her hand out of Clarke’s t-shirt, then tugged on her shoulder to make Clarke look at her. 

“You were extraordinary, even in your sleep...” Lexa leaned in and kissed her lips ever so softly. “Next time, let me take care of it for you...” she whispered at Clarke’s lips and it really did get her to smile wide.

“Come on, we’ve gotta get the kids to school, and also break it to them that their momma’s coming home for good” Lexa said as she pulled away and got off the bed. 

“And I think Raven would have many a joke to make about ‘sleep-masturbating’” Lexa teased, as she walked into the bathroom. 

Clarke laughed at herself and once more hid her face into her pillow and decided to nap a bit till Lexa was done in the bathroom. 

When Lexa came downstairs, she saw the door just opening and in came Raven. 

“Ah, look who’s here after her walk of shame...” Lexa teased as she went around the kitchen counter to start up coffee. 

“It’s not a walk of shame if it’s sex with your finance.” Raven defended as she came and sat on one of the stools by the counter. 

“You look like you had another night of sexting Clarke” Raven said fishing for information.

“You could say it was something like that.” Lexa said, not making eye contact with Raven. 

“I don’t know when you two are just going to fix your issues and get on with life fucking each other already. I think I can sense you’re nearing insanity without any real sex in your life.” 

“Wow, I take offense” Lexa said. 

Lexa brought three cups to the counter and poured coffee into three of them.

“What? Ex-girlfriend didn’t leave last night?” Raven asked, picking up her cup. 

Lexa picked up her own and took a sip 

“actually…” Lexa began

“Ex girlfriend left, the wife came back.” came Clarke's voice as she leaned in from beside Raven and took her cup of coffee. 

Raven almost spat her coffee out when she connected the dots. 

“Wait, you two are having sex now?!” Raven asked. 

“YES” Lexa said and at the same time Clarke said “NO”

Lexa looked at Clarke feigning annoyance “oh come on babe, I thought you’d play along.” 

“So you’re not having sex?” Raven asked, to be sure. 

“no” both of them replied. 

“Then what are you doing here?” Raven asked Clarke as she sat beside her. 

“Incase you forgot Rae, this IS my home” 

“Nah, I haven’t forgotten. Though, I thought you did for a while” Raven teased. “You didn’t answer my question, what are you’ll doing, what is THIS now?” Raven asked, pointing between the two of them. “this”    
  


Clarke kept her mug down and said, “We’re… uhhh.. kissing?” Clarke asked as she looked at Lexa.

Lexa nodded in the affirmative with a smug smile.

“Yea you could say that, we’re kissing.” Clarke affirmed to Raven.

“In the same bed?” Raven asked. An important question. 

“Yea” both Clarke and Lexa nodded. 

“and sleep-masturbating” Lexa added in an attempt to mock Clarke. Clarke shut her eyes, annoyed that Lexa brought it up. 

Raven’s eyes widened and so did her smirk. 

“WHAT?! OMG! explain. I want details!” Raven said. 

“You’re not getting details about my sex life.” Clarke said.

“WHAT?!” Raven was offended. “I’m your best friend. When did you start keeping details from me?” 

“She’s right you know.. You don’t keep the details from her.” Lexa told Clarke. 

Clarke was in shock, “Are you serious?” she asked.

“Damn straight she’s serious, I know every little scar and every little mark on your wifey’s naked body” 

Both Clarke and Lexa looked at Raven weirdly. 

“Not weird at all” Lexa said to Raven sarcastically. 

“Come on! get over that and tell me what is this ‘sleep-masturbating’ that Clarkey over here did.” 

“It was nothing okay, let it go” Clarke said as she finished her coffee and got up, kept her mug in the sink, came back, linked her arm through Lexa’s and pulled her saying “Lets go, I want to see my kids” 

“You can run from me Clarkey, but you can’t hide!” Raven called out to them. 

“Yea, keep running, I’ll find out eventually.” Raven spoke to herself. She looked at her phone to see a text from Anya.

“Did you tell them?” Anya’s text read. 

“NO! You need to be here too” Raven replied quickly. 

“Fine. Tonight then.” Anaya replied. 


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33**

When Clarke and Lexa entered through the doorway of Abby’s house, Jake ran towards them and Clarke picked him up in her arms 

“Mom, are you okay?” Aden asked from the dining table where he was just finishing up breakfast.

Madi looked so concerned too. Clarke went over and kissed them both on the head and then squeezed her mother’s arms and whispered “thank you.”

“yes, I’m alright. I wasn’t alright in the middle of the night and that’s why I had to talk to your mommy so urgently. And she made it all better, I’m fine now.” 

they seemed satisfied with the answer. 

Abby went up to Lexa and held her by the arm and said “Sit down, have you eaten anything” 

Lexa laughed “I’m fine, I had coffee before getting here” 

“That’s not enough, sit down I’ll make you breakfast” 

“Oh no, we’ll get late” Lexa insisted. 

“Mom, Lexa and I will catch breakfast after we drop the kids off to school” Clarke told Abby. 

They didn’t miss the little smile on Madi’s face, even as she continued to eat her bowl of cereal. 

“Actually, there’s something I wanted to tell you guys” Clarke said. 

All of them looked up at her, including little Jake who was in her lap. 

“I’m coming back home” Clarke said with a soft smile. and Lexa reached out to hold her hand. 

“YES!” Aden fist pumped and Madi got out of her seat to hug her mom from behind. 

“Oh Clarke, that’s wonderful news. what happened? did you have some sort of epiphany?” Abby asked. 

Clarke nodded and then while looking in to her wife’s eyes she said “Yea, you could call it that” 

  
They dropped the kids off at school, and then headed out to get breakfast together. Clarke couldn’t believe how clingy she had turned. She was constantly needing to hold Lexa’s hand, or walk really close, almost tucked into her side 

and Lexa explained that that’s just always who she’s been. It comforted her. 

They got themselves a booth at a diner and Clarke sat opposite Lexa. 

2 minutes in and Lexa asked “What are you doing all the way there, babe, can you come sit next to me?” 

“UGH! I thought you’d never ask” she said as she quickly scooted into Lexa’s side.    
Lexa leaned in and kissed her and didn’t stop until they heard a waitress clearing] her throat and smiling warmly at them. 

“Celebrating an anniversary?” she asked. 

“No” Lexa replied, and at the same time Clarke said “Yes”

They looked at one another and laughed. they were pretty aware of how cheesy they looked, overly happy, overly in love, but they didn’t care. 

Lexa still couldn’t believe Clarke had remembered enough to be here, this way, clinging to her lover, saying the cutest of things, and kissing her so much. 

“I’ll let you two decide. Also decide what you'd like to have?” 

“Omelettes please?” 

Clarke ordered for them. Lexa looked at her with a raised eyebrow. 

“Okay I know you know my favourite egg preparation is an omelette, but how bold of you to assume that I wanted to have it here” Lexa said

Clarke looked at her confused. “it’s weird, it came very naturally to me” 

Lexa looked at the waiter and confirmed “Yes, the usual” the waiter nodded with a smile and walked away. 

The minute she was gone and Clarke looked back at Lexa, her lips were between hers again. and Lexa softly whispered between the kiss 

“It’s our usual, whenever we’ve had breakfast here” 

Clarke smiled widely between the kiss, chuckling when Lexa’s hand reached her waist and tickled her a little. 

They talked a bit about Madi, Aden and Jake, then even about Raven and Anya. 

“I think mom’s gonna miss seeing the kids so often” Clarke told Lexa between bites of her omelette. 

“yea, I’m sure of that” 

“We can arrange something, maybe” Clarke said, not looking directly at Lexa. “you know… you did say we wanted to have some privacy…” 

Lexa bit her lip. 

“Okay…” she said. 

“But of course, after a while.” 

“Sure” Lexa said. “we could arrange sleepovers with grandma for them, once a month” 

“or twice a month” 

Lexa laughed 

“I’m so sorry, does this make me sound like a horrible mom?” Clarke asked. 

“No no, not at all” Lexa said, and then took another bite of her omelette “Just a horny one” 

Clarke looked at her with mock horror, and then hit her playfully. 

“you’re going to pay for that” Clarke said. 

“I look forward to it.” Lexa said with a wink. 

Clarke could not stop smiling, she couldn’t believe how at ease she was suddenly feeling around Lexa. now, she couldn’t think of a minute without her. She just wanted to be near her all the time. She leaned in and kissed Lexa’s cheek. 

“What’s that for?” Lexa asked. Continuing to devour her plate of omelettes.

“For never giving up on me” Clarke said softly and sincerely. 

Lexa’s chewing slowed down. she quickly swallowed and took a paper napkin in her hand, and dabbed her lips, crunched the paper and kept it aside and then turned slightly to face Clarke better. 

“You still don;t know what you mean to me, do you?” Lexa said.    
  
Clarke’s eyes were brimming. 

“It’s okay, I’ll just have to show you all over again. and I’m completely fine with that” Lexa said. 

“Clarke closed her eyes and a tear rolled down her cheek. Lexa let their foreheads connect for a moment, and then kissed over Clarke’s nose. 

“There's something I have to tell you.” she said. 

Clarke opened her eyes and said

“I’m here, tell me now” Clarke said

Lexa smiled and said, “Once we’re home, okay?” 

“is it bothering you? tell me now” Clarke insisted, taking Lexa’s hands in hers. 

Lexa felt so comforted by the gesture, she lifted both Clarke’s hands and kissed atop her knuckles.

“It can wait” she said, “Eat up.” Lexa ordered. 

“Bossy” Clarke complained, bringing her attention back to her plate. 

“You like it” Lexa said with a smug smile. And it made Clarke smile too. 

When they got home, having picked up whatever stuff Clarke had taken with her to Abby’s when she left, they entered to find Raven asleep on the couch. Clarke put Jake down and he ran off to where some of his toys were at the corner of the room.

Raven woke up as soon as they entered. 

“Hey, you guys are back, how did the kids take it, was Abby completely heartbroken?” 

“You know you can sleep in the guest room now, right?” Lexa told her as she sat herself down on the single-seater couch. 

“Don’t answer my question with a question, Woods” Raven said, sitting up a little bit to let Clarke sit, and then she laid back down, to rest her head on Clarke’s lap staring up at her. 

Clarke played in Raven’s hair. 

“yes, mom was sad to think the kids won’t be visiting as often, but I told her we’ll come over now and then, so don’t worry.” Clarke said. 

“Good” Raven said. then looked at Lexa, who was staring lovingly at Clarke. 

Raven then looked up at her best friend who also had her gaze locked on Lexa. 

“OMG EWWW stop it. I feel like I’m in the middle of your eye-sex” 

Clarke laughed and Lexa face-palmed herself. 

“It’s like college all over again!” Raven said. 

“Anyway, I’m serious, why don’t you move into the guestroom now” 

“Eh… I’ll see. I quite like the couch.” Raven said. Lexa found it weird, but didn’t say anything. 

“Where’s Anya?” Clarke asked, looking between Raven and Lexa.

“Oh, she said she’ll come over this evening, so I guess she’ll be here for dinner” 

“Great! we have lost to celebrate” Lexa said, getting up from her seat, kissing over Clarke’s head while passing by, and then she headed into the kitchen. 

“Put me back to sleep, Woods” Raven demanded, guiding Clarke’s fingers back to her hair. 

“Wow it still blows me away that I changed my surname” 

Raven snickered. “Get used to it now, all over again” she teased. 

“What about you Rae… how are things with you and Anya… are you excited about the wedding?” 

Raven didn’t open her eyes, but the blush that adorned her face was unmistakable. 

“OMG, look at you!” 

“I can’t wait to put a ring on her finger, Clarke” 

“Then don’t” 

“Well, how about you don’t go ramming yourself into trucks, then we’ll talk” 

Clarke bit her lip. 

“I’m sorry, that was horrible, too soon” 

Clarke laughed “I’m sorry, I guess I put a huge delay in your plans” 

“Nah it’s okay, we’re in no hurry” Raven said. 

Just then they heard Lexa from the kitchen “Raven!” she called out. 

“have you made it your life’s mission to disturb my sleep?!” Raven said back. Clarke smacked her hand playfully. 

“I need some help” 

“Your wife is back now, call her.” Raven said. Clarke laughed. 

“Her hands are too precious” Lexa shouted back. 

Raven's eyes opened and Clarke was holding back laughter 

“Did I just hear that? She wants me there to do something that would have me risking losing my hands” 

“Fuck off, bitch” Raven yelled back and they heard Lexa laughing. 

“I’m gonna go help her with lunch.” Clarke said, nudging Raven to let her get up from underneath her sleepy head. 

“Sure thing, if that’s what we’re calling it these days” Raven said as she lifted her head off Clarke’s lap and allowed her to move. 

“Shut up” Clarke said as she walked into the kitchen. 

“Make sure you sanitize the counters when you’re done, Woods” Raven called out after Clarke. 

Raven looked at jake who was staring at her 

“What’s up, kid? Missed me? Come here?” Jake came over to her, she lifted him off the floor and tucked him into her side to take a nap with her. 

as he fell asleep, she played with his hair and whispered, “you remind me so much of little Aden sometimes” she kissed his forehead and watched him sleep. 


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34**

That evening, once everyone was seated around the dining table, there was utter chaos. 

Abby had surprised everyone by finally turning up even though she told them she wasn’t feeling too well when they insisted she come over for dinner. 

So seated around now, was Abby, Raven, Anya, Aden, Madi, Jake, Clarke and Lexa. 

Clarke and Lexa had cooked up a storm. The table looked colorful and the food looked absolutely scrumptious. 

“okay everyone quiet!” Raven called out.

“Lexa, now you may speak” Raven said, having noticed she was trying to talk over the noise. 

“wow, this noise took me back to thanksgiving” 

“I don’t remember any of our thanksgivings yet” Clarke said. 

“That's okay momma” Jake said hurriedly. and the table laughed at his haste to make her feel alright. 

“Okay, I have an idea, let’s recreate Thanksgiving dinner tonight, for Clarke” Lexa said. Clarke looked confused. 

“Before we eat let’s go around the table, expressing what we’re thankful for, just like we’ve always done” 

Clarke smiled. she felt a sense of excitement and overwhelming joy. 

“I’ll start” Raven said. 

“I’m thankful for best friends, their wives, their family and most importantly, their wife’s sister” 

There was laughter and a kiss shared between Anya and Raven. 

“I’m thankful for love that persists.” Abby said, looking between Clarke and Lexa with a warm smile. 

“I’m thankful for home and family. and most importantly for my moms” Madi said. “And that includes you grandma, Aunt Raven and Anya” 

Lexa who was seated beside her pulled her close and gave her a kiss over the top of her head. 

“I’m thankful for mom’s blonde hair genes that were passed down to me, makes me irresistible.” 

Madi smacked him while the table erupted with laughter. 

“No but on a serious note, I too am thankful for so many moms, especially Aunt Raven, I don’t think I’ve ever told you how much i appreciate you being here for us all the time” 

It got Raven teary-eyed. Lexa and Clarke both swore they never thought they’d see Raven cry for anything. 

“Come here, boo” Raven said, getting up from her seat to go around to Aden to give him a tight squeeze. 

“I’m thankful to these two right here,” Anya said, signaling towards Lexa and Clarke, “had it not been for the ups and downs in your relationship, I never would have met the woman I now can’t wait to call my wife” 

“Perfect lead in” lexa said “I’m thankful for memories. The ones we’ve lost the ones we’ve re-gained, and the ones we’re all yet to create” Lexa said, taking Clarke’s hand in hers and bringing it up to kiss it. 

“Your turn” she whispered to Clarke who couldn’t get her eyes off Lexa’s now. 

“I’m thankful for the accident.” she paused. “I’m thankful for the pain, the recovery, the daily memories that keep coming back, the hard days and the good. I think we probably went through the worst tragedy ever. and yet we’re here. I’m thankful for you, because you’re stubborn…”

“Deter…” Lexa tried to correct. 

“Determined, yes I know” Clarke chuckled mid-speech “You’re determined and strong, and gorgeous, and such an absolutely amazing mother to our kids, I’m thankful that I get to spend the rest of my life with you” Clarke said, and she leaned in and kissed Lexa ever so gently and sweetly. 

“Always” Lexa whispered near her lips. 

A few Awwws were heard around the table 

“Let’s eat.” Lexa said to everyone when they pulled apart, smiling. 

“WAIT! what about me!” came little Jake’s voice. 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry baby boy, go on, what are you thankful for?” Lexa encouraged him. 

“I’m thankful for the blueberry cheesecake that we’re gonna have for dessert today” 

Another round of laughter and ruffling little Jake’s soft blonde hair. 

“I second that.” Raven said. 

“Yea me three.” Aden said.

“Okay okay, understood. No one's getting dessert until dinner is over, now dig in.” Clarke said.

They all happily ate to their heart’s content, and when dessert was served, everyone agreed Jake deserved an extra helping of the cheesecake just for his ‘thanksgiving 'statement earlier. 

After dinner they all sat around in the living room, some of the adults sipping on wine, all of them just sitting and talking, playing a few games and first, and then just gradually getting to some casual banter. 

“I’d like to make a toast” said Abby. 

“Grandma the toaster’s in the kitchen” Jake said, standing between her legs looking up at her with confusion. 

“I know baby boy” Abby told him, kissing his little nose. 

“C’mere kid.” Raven said, from the single-seater couch, he jumped up into her lap and she cuddled him and tickled him. Anya, who was sitting beside Raven, on the arm rest of the single-seater couch, also reached out to tickle the little fella, they all loved the sound of his laughter so much. 

Clarke, who was sitting next to Abby on the couch, had Lexa’s arm around her, holding her close, so that she could kiss her whenever she liked. 

For tonight, they’d made an exception. Both Clarke and Lexa were sipping on a little wine too. 

Aden was seated on the floor right next to Clarke and Lexa, and Madi was seated on the armrest on Lexa's side. 

“To new beginnings, may they be loving and giving, and more memorable than every beginning before” 

there were smiles all around as they all raised their glasses to Abby’s words and looked upon one another with love. 

“Speaking of new beginnings…” Anya said “There’s something raven and I would like to share…” 

“Woah!” Lexa said, suddenly seeming very excited but still curious, she kept her glass down on the table. 

“Raven and I… we’ve been thinking… and talking a lot…” 

“Is that what we’re calling it these days” Lexa joked and Clarke hit her playfully. 

“That too,” Anya confirmed. 

“EWWWW TMI” Madi exclaimed. 

They all laughed and Anya continued 

“okay okay… I’ll get right to it... Raven and I are trying for a baby” 

“HOLY SHIT” Clarke said. 

The room was silent and then suddenly there was congratulations all around.

“OMG guys I’m so happy for you!” Lexa said as she started to rise up from her seat to go over and hug her sister and Raven

Abby too was half way out of her seat exclaiming “this is wonderful news, darlings” 

“WOW, we’re getting cousins! baby cousins!” they heard Madi exclaim out to Aden who was beaming. 

“Hold on everybody, I’m not done.” Anya said, making everyone stay in their seats. 

“We haven’t started the appointments yet, but we plan to do so next month… the other news I have is.. we’ll I’ve been doing some house hunting, looking for a place big enough to raise a family… we’ve found the perfect place, it’s a little far from here, going back and forth between here and there would be a trip in itself, but it’ll be worth it to be with you guys… we plan to move in, in another 3 months or so” Anya said with a nervous smile.

“This is amazing!” Lexa said as she got up and rushed to her sister and hugged her.

Everyone then started to chatter about and express their joy for Raven and Anya. 

There were hugs and kisses and even tears. 

“I’m so happy for you, Rae” Clarke said as she pulled raven into a tight loving embrace. 

“Are you? God! Clarke, I thought so much about this, I’ve spent most of my life so close to you guys.” Raven said. 

“Hey, we’re still going to be close, you think I’m going to let your little ones grow up without my influence?” 

“I was hoping you’d say that. Plus, being godmother, you won't have much choice” Clarke’s eye lit up and she hugged Raven once more. holding her real tight. 

“You’ve done so much for my family Rae, I owe my life to yours” Clarke said. 

There were tears. There were definitely tears. 

When all the chaos had calmed down a bit, they heard Madi say “Where’s Aden?” and everyone looked around but couldn’t see him anywhere. 

“Oh man!” Lexa exclaimed. It took Clarke a moment to understand, but when Raven moved quickly to run upstairs to his room, she connected the dots.

He and Raven shared such a tight relationship. When Clarke had him, Lexa wasn’t around. For the first 3-4 years of his life, Raven was like his second mom. Even while growing up, she was always so close to him, he confided in her sometimes more than he did with his own moms. They had become like the best of friends. 

She knew more about his crush on Anaya Blake than anyone else. She would even give him so much advice on approaching her. Aden didn’t want to go to any of his moms, cause bringing up the Blakes was always a sore spot for them and he could see it. He never asked too many questions though, so it was alright. 

Raven would even try to make him understand why Costia was such an important part of their family, even though he argued that her being around was weird cause Clarke always felt kinda awkward around her. 

Raven was the one who’d helped him with math 

Lexa came to stand beside Clarke, putting an arm around her to hold her close.

“Should we go up there?” Lexa asked. 

“No, I think this one’s Rae’s. She’ll get through to him, I know. ” Clarke said. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's 4 new chapters. Tell me what you think of them in the comments. 
> 
> Also guys, how are things in your country? Let me know where you're from and what's the situation like.   
I'm from Mumbai, India. India crossed 80,000 cases yesterday. The situation's scary, but we must hope for the best and take good care of ourselves. Would love to hear from you guys. Sending lots of love and good wishes.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with an update, and this one completes this story. I do hope you guys have enjoyed this journey with me, please read on and let me know what you think of the whole thing after chapter 39 :)

**Chapter 35**

Raven knocked on Aden’s door. 

“Aden, buddy, can I come in?” 

there was a heavy moment of silence but then finally she heard his voice from inside 

“Yea sure” he said. 

Raven pushed his door open slowly, and stepped in to find him sitting at the edge of his bed, looking down at his feet, his arms folded across. 

“Can we talk?” 

Again, another heavy moment of silence until he said 

“Yea sure” she came up to sit down beside him, and put an arm around his shoulder.

“Are you upset that I’m leaving?”

“You’re just gonna up and leave? just like that. what about mom? mom needs you here.” Aden said. 

“Come here.” Raven said, as she pulled his head down to rest on her shoulder

“Your moms are perfectly fine. It’s alright to admit you need me, you know. I’d be offended if you implied you didn’t” 

He chuckled lightly. 

“I need you, aunt Rae” it was so vulnerable and sweet and Raven had never felt her heart break so bad before.

Raven was about to say something, when he lifted his head off her shoulder, sighed and then looked at her

“But I do understand this is your chance to have the family and the life you’ve probably always dreamed of.”

Raven nodded slowly, still so overwhelmed and proud of this little boy she’s watched grow in front of her eyes 

“And I do understand we’ve kept you to ourselves long enough” Aden adde. 

Raven smiled. Aden put his arms around her and gave her a tight hug 

“I’m sorry, you deserve this and so much more.” he said “I’ll miss you” 

“I’m gonna be just one call away, my little man.” Raven assured him and kissed his head. 

When they were about to head downstairs, Aden suddenly went back into his room.. 

“What is it?” Raven asked him.

“Stay right there.” he told her. 

He came back out and handed her this little red blanket. 

“A little gift for your baby, whenever he or she’s out in the world” 

Raven looked down at the tiny little blanket and a flood of emotions overwhelmed her. She had given this little blanket to him when he was about a year and half. and he would hold on to it while sleeping. He'd carry it around the house with him when he’d first learned to walk. It held every memory of his firsts.

“Aden, I can’t have this, this is yours.” Raven insisted. 

“Who said it’s for you?” he said with a smile “I said it’s for your and Aunt Anya’s baby.” 

“Then come give it to me when he or she is born” Raven said with a smile, holding it out to him.

Aden thought for a moment and finally took it back “Deal” he said. 

“I honestly thought it would take longer to have him come around.” Clarke said as they walked up to their bedroom. 

“You underestimate our kids’ level of maturity” Lexa said, reaching to take Clarke’s hand in hers so that they could walk the rest of the way hand in hand. 

“You had something you wanted to tell me, today at the diner” Clarke suddenly remembered, as Lexa switched off the corridor lights and they entered their bedroom. 

Lexa’s face visibly fell. “Oh yea..”

“Tell me now?” Clarke said. 

“Okay, sit down” Lexa instructed her.

Clarke sat on the edge of her side of the bed and Lexa sat down beside her. 

“The day the accident happened, Clarke” 

“hey, you already told me that what I saw in my dream wasn’t true, you weren’t at the wheel, I know that”

“Yea, but hear me out” Lexa said. 

“I wasn’t at the wheel, but I was definitely the reason why you were in that car at that time of day placed at that road where the truck hit you.” 

Clarke looked so worried, Lexa couldn’t face her. 

“Lex… look at me” Clarke said. 

Lexa finally looked up and saw so much concern and love in her eyes. 

“Please be open with me.” Clarke said. 

“We were fighting that day, we had a conversation about how I've been working too much and we’ve not had enough quality time together. and I told you I was home that day and if you could come home by 4, we’d get to spend some alone time together…”

“okay..” Clarke said, nodding her head. 

“Well, work came up, and I had to go to the office. but I typed out the text to inform you not to rush yourself to get home by 4 and forgot to hit send. and I only realized that after you’d been hit” 

Lexa was shaking. retelling this incident, re-living this incident always shook her up like this. It really was her fault. They wouldn’t have had to go through any of this had she just...

“I’m sorry Clarke, I’m so sorry… I was a horrible wife to you, I should have been there for you, I wish we’ve never had that argument that day, I wished I’d never have had to rush to work like that, I wish you never left the gallery early that day hoping that I was going to be home...”

“Baby… oh my god… baby…” Clarke was cradling Lexa’s face in her soft palms. 

“Baby… this accident, this tragedy, was not your fault. I hate how much you’ve made yourself believe such a thing. The person at fault was the driver behind the wheel of that speeding truck. No one else. 

So what if I still don’t remember everything, I remember enough to know you love me and this family with all your heart, you were trying to make the time even when work was bad, you were trying, and that’s all that matters to me. That you care. You still care so much.” 

Lexa was still shaking. Clarke moved her fingers along Lexa’s cheek, caressed her face lovingly, “Take a deep breath baby, I’m here. I’m right here. and I’m fine. I’m safe. and I’m not going anywhere.”   
  
She could feel Lexa visibly relax by the second.    
  
She leaned in and grasped Lexa’s lips between hers and kissed ever so softly, letting her hands wander down Lexa’s arms, 

“Let me make you feel good.” She said against Lexa’s ears. and it caused a slight chuckle from Lexa. Clarke was proud. She let her hand graze over Lexa’s thighs…

“I’m ready you know…” Clarke said

“For?” Lexa asked.

“To make love to you.” Clarke said. 

“yea?” Lexa teased. 

“yea” Clarke whispered at Lexa’s ear again. 

She then pulled away, stood up, made her way to stand between Lexa’s legs and pushed her lightly to make her lay back on the bed. 

Lexa smiled smugly and kept herself propped up on her elbows to watch. 

“I promise you Lexa, you’re stuck with me now…” Clarke said as she began to unbutton her shirt. 

“I wouldn’t have it any other way” Lexa said with a smile. and rose up again, and pulled Clarke suddenly to fall on the bed with her, Clarke squealed as she stumbled and fell over Lexa, and Lexa kissed her wildly. 

“Actually, can you give me 10 minutes, I’d like to take a quick shower” Lexa said. 

Clarke raised an eyebrow. 

“It’s been a long day…” Lexa started.

Clarke laughed and kissed her

“I have no problem with that… but… can I join you?” Clarke asked. 

“Since when did you start asking?” Lexa teased as she got up off the bed, and held her hand out to Clarke. Clarke took it and she led her to their bathroom. 

Clarke stood by the washbasin, and watched Lexa go ahead and turn the shower on, she let her fingers test the temperature of the water, before turning back around to look at Clarke to study her. 

She found Clarke standing with her arms folded across her torso, watching Lexa. 

“Clarke, if you’re not… I mean if you’ve changed your mind…” 

“Lexa I want this…” Clarke assured. 

Lexa smiled. She then began to undress right there before Clarke, and Clarke couldn’t help but feel slightly giddy, the more and more Lexa revealed herself to her. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, her gaze had wandered down to Lexa’s body, she remembered every inch of her, yet it all felt so new… When she looked back up at Lexa’s face, she found Lexa smiling smugly, her eyes sparkling. 

“I’ll wait for you...inside…” Lexa said, pulling the slider door open again, backing up into the shower cubicle, and then closing it halfway. Two adjacent sides of the cubicle were foggy glass, and the other two, tiled walls. The shower spray was from the top, a broad square that was generous in its spray. 

Clarke nodded, and then mentally berated herself for not using her words. But she watched through the foggy glass, as Lexa, her perfect wife, perfect mother to her kids Lexa, stood under the shower and let her fingers run through her hair. 

Clarke took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. Was she nervous? Hell yea. It surely had been a while. But there was also a longing in her, a yearning to feel intimate with her wife again, to feel that affection in a more physical form, after drowning in it, in it’s more emotional avatar. 

Clarke took another deep breath and then began undressing. The entire time, her anticipation only growing. She was completely bare, her mind focused on one goal, being as close to Lexa as possible.    
She took about 3 steps forward when something caught her eye. her reflection, in the tall mirror fixed on the wall outside. 

she stopped, and looked at herself, and her hands immediately went over to those stretch marks on her waist. She wondered what Lexa thought of her body, would Lexa ever grow to dislike her body someday? Partners sometimes lose interest in one another physically, could that become a reality for them too? 

Clarke was too busy spiraling in her mind to notice the slider door open, and Lexa walked out to come up behind her. 

It wasn’t until she felt a warm tingle against her bare back, that she felt her presence behind her, and then she felt Lexa press up against her, her warm, wet body, against her bare back, Clarke closed her eyes as Lexa’s arms wound around her middle. 

“Keep them open” Lexa whispered softly at her left ear. And Clarke obeyed. 

Lexa began to kiss along Clarke’s neck, and Clarke felt her body come alive...

“I’ve missed you so much…” Lexa whispered. 

“Lex…” Clarke gasped, as Lexa lightly bit down on her skin. 

“Every inch of you.” Lexa added, as her hands on Clarke’s front began to get more explorative. 

Clarke’s body shivered. Goosebumps erupted on her skin. 

Lexa chuckled, feeling Clarke shiver against her. “I wish I could take credit for that shiver, but you’re cold, and my body temperature has risen from the shower so your body’s confused…” Lexa tried to explain

Clarke laughed, a hearty one at that. 

“No, I think it’s most definitely you” Clarke said, her eyes locked on Lexa’s in the mirror 

“Come inside, I’ll keep you warm” Lexa said between kisses down her bare creamy shoulder, and then turned Clarke around gently, and kissed her lips, backing up and bringing Clarke to follow her, their lips inseparable. 


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36**

Once they were under the shower together, they each took their own time touching, caressing, soaping one another up. 

Clarke couldn’t help but feel all mushy inside, every time she caught Lexa’s gaze, there was something about the way Lexa looked at her body, there was adoration, and so much love, and it was all so overwhelming, Clarke just wanted to kiss her the entire time. 

All of the touching, all of the kissing, all of the sensations she could feel being this close to Lexa, bare and vulnerable, it was getting her body so riled up. She wondered how long she could hold back from just…

“This has gotta be the longest you’ve resisted from just getting us straight down to it… lost your impatience along with the memories huh?” Lexa teased. 

That's when Clarke leaned in and whispered into her ear “If you make me wait even a minute longer, I will combust” 

Lexa burst out laughing and kissed Clarke, the kiss growing more heated now. 

Without needing to look, Lexa reached out and turned the shower off, she pulled open the slider door, and they stumbled out together, kissing and touching and so impatient. 

Lexa pulled back desperately then and panting, he said. 

“Hold on baby, let me get us towels, dry us up, and then I’ll take you to bed and make love to you.” Lexa said, moving backwards, letting go of Clarke's hands. 

“It should be illegal for you to say such things out aloud” Clarke said. 

Lexa laughed as she turned around and found the towels, when she came back to Clarke, and began to gently dab at her skin, wiping her skin dry of the tiny droplets that gleamed on her creamy skin, she had to stop herself from wanting to sip the water right off her skin. 

when she stood back up, Clarke’s eyes were closed. 

“Hey… you okay?” Lexa asked. 

Clarke opened her eyes, they had gone so dark, it almost did her in right there. 

“hmmm” Clarke hummed,

“All dried up” Lexa confirmed and Clarke bit her lip and then admitted, “Well, not exactly” 

And Lexa knew exactly what she meant. Lexa had to stop herself from wanting to get on her knees right now and taste Clarke’s beautiful wetness. She smiled. 

“I know” she said and Clarke laughed. 

Lexa dried off too, and then took Clarke’s hand and led her out to their bed. 

“Clarke…” 

“If you ask me once more if I’m ready, I swear to God, I’ll just take care of myself.” 

“No!” Lexa laughed. “okay, understood” 

they stood before their bed, facing one another, holding one another’s hands and not saying anything. 

“I gotta ask though…” Clarke started softly. “Lexa, are you okay with this… you don’t have to feel like you have to do this for me” 

Lexa looked concerned now. 

“why would you think I’m not okay with this?” 

“it’s just… everything in your life has been moving according to my pace recently, and I just want to make sure you’re just as in this as I am” 

Lexa stepped closer then, and Clarke gasped as skin touched skin. 

“I could never not want you, Clarke,” 

A kiss 

“You’re on my mind every waking moment of the day, and in every dream I ever dream” 

A kiss. Clarke’s body shuddered. Her hands flew to wind around Lexa’s shoulders. 

“I would have waited a thousand lifetimes for you to come around” Lexa said. 

A kiss again. and this time, Clarke wasn’t letting her pull back. but she somehow managed to get the words in 

“I will always want you, Clarke. Only you.” 

  
They soon found themselves tangled together in bed, lips kissing wherever they could, hands roaming wildly and with renewed passion, soft breaths and moans and whimpers filling the room. 

Clarke’s hand inched down Lexa’s abdomen, only to be stopped abruptly by Lexa’s hand 

“Let me…” 

“Tonight’s about you, babe.” Lexa said, the kisses and nibbles at her skin at her lips never stopping. 

“Why can’t it be about us?” Clarke asked, looking at Lexa with so much love and adoration in her eyes, Lexa felt her insides melt. 

Lexa chuckled. “okay later, but this moment is about you” in one swift movement, Lexa had nudged Clarke’s shoulder so she was lying on her back, and pulled her knees apart so Lexa could sit there between her legs, her eyes focused on Clarke’s center. 

Clarke couldn’t take it, her gaze, it was so powerful, so passionate, so focused on her. 

“Oh Lexa…” She couldn't’ help the exclamation, it left her lips involuntarily. 

“Clarke, you’ve always been so beautiful…” Lexa said, looking up at Clarke for a second before diving right in, sending Clarke into a fit of moans and whimpers. 

Clarke’s back arched off the bed, her eyes shut tight, her fingers tightening their hold on the sheets,

“Oh GOD!” She grunted out when Lexa flicked her tongue against her clit, and then licked along the length of her folds, kissing wildly and mercilessly .

“You're so wet!” Lexa said between kisses 

“I’ve… I’ve been waiting…” Clarke managed to say between heavy breaths 

Lexa rewarded her for that by adding her fingers to the mix, very slowly entering her and leaving Clarke breathless. 

“you dreamed of me…” Lexa spoke into her skin, kissing her inner thigh and then going right back in, slowing down her pace just to make this last longer for Clarke. 

But Clarke wasn’t having any of it “Faster baby…” 

“Shhh… you don’t wanna wake the kids” Lexa teased, adding another finger in, slowly moving her digits in and out, while her tongue and lips kept busy at Clarke’s clit. 

Clarke's body was writhing. 

“yes... I had a dream… of you… that afternoon I napped here” 

Clarke then turned her face to the side and took a deep breath. 

“The linen smells of you, it was….” Clarke’s voice was higher pitched

Lexa dipped her tongue in deep,

“OH!” Clarke moaned. 

“it was intoxicating… like you were all around me” Clarke added. 

“What did you see in the dream?” Lexa asked,her voice lower than Clarke had ever remembered hearing, her hand reaching up to lightly tug at Clarke’s nipple, Clarke’s hand flew over hers and guided her to squeeze her breast. 

“you were right where you are now…” Clarke said. 

“Good…” Lexa said, a smugness to her voice that Clarke was happy to elicit. 

“Baby, I’m really close…” 

“Then let go Clarke… I got you...” 

Lexa quickened her pace, her fingers thrusting harder, faster, her tongue and lips doing sinful things to Clarke’s clit, Clarke’s hand flew to the back of Lexa’s head, oh and if it didn’t make things hotter than they already were for Lexa, she could feel her own center, moist and ready. 

“Oh Lexa! LEXA! LEX I love you… yess yess yesss..” 

Clarke came loud and shamelessly and Lexa didn’t have the heart to quieten her down. she was glorious and unapologetically beautiful, raw and real, just like she had always been. 

Clarke moved her fingers lovingly through Lexa’s hair, her breathing coming back to normal as Lexa kissed her way up Clarke’s body, worshipping her skin,

Clarke brought her face up to kiss her ever so gently, slowly, softly, allowing herself to taste her one flavour on Lexa’s lips. 

“I want to taste you…” Clarke said. 

“I’m not done with you yet…” Lexa said, as her hand found Clarke’s center again and Clarke shut her eyes 

“I don’t know if…” Clarke began to say, her face flushed. 

“Oh you can, trust me, I know… “ Lexa said confidently even as her fingers already began to play between Clarke’s legs. 

“Clarke looked at her with so much passion and then she shut her eyes, the sensations taking over her body again.

“Yea… just allow yourself to feel baby girl..” 

The endearment was so heartfelt, it warmed Clarke's heart and brought her body alive all over again, this one was gonna be shorter, she knew it. 

Clarke kissed Lexa with renewed vigor, she lost control of the kiss eventually, her whole attention focused on the feelings Lexa was making her feel

Clarke noticed how Lexa was almost grinding her own self down on her hand between them, and knew she wanted to please her wife soon after this orgasm.. and that only heightened her anticipation, aroused her further, the thought of watching her wife come at the mercy of her lips, it did her in.

She came once more, her moans this time, muffled by Lexa’s own lips and kisses. 

minutes later, when she caught her breath again, and looked towards Lexa who was staring at her so adoringly from her side, their legs still entangled, 

“your turn” Clarke said. 

“Are you tired, Clarke?” Lexa asked softly. 

“What? no.” Clarke assured, not wanting for Lexa to even think they should stop right now. 

“Good. cause I intend to make you come again” 

Clarke’s eyes widened. 

When Lexa’s eyes opened, she noticed the light in the room, and knew it was probably time to get up. but her attention was immediately drawn to the lonely feeling in her bed. she opened her eyes fully and looked around and then sat up with a start. Where was Clarke? 

She checked her phone and found a text from Clarke. 

“I’m so sorry you had to wake up alone, Lex. But I woke up about an hour ago and felt this urgent need to get something done. Something I had left incomplete at the gallery. Please don't worry, I’ll be home soon, I’ve taken the gallery keys and I’ll take a cab there. But if it’ll make you feel any better, I'll send you my location. I love you”   
  
and soon after that text was her live location and Lexa could see she was at the gallery. 

Lexa breathed a sigh of relief, she got out from under the covers and went straight to the bathroom, washed up, put on some fresh clothes and went out to get started on breakfast for the kids, checking Clarke’s location every now and then, just to make sure she’s alright. She felt an odd sense of emptiness that she couldn’t wake up to Clarke’s beautiful face. She’d call her later.

Maybe Clarke needed some space from her? Maybe he overdid it last night? could that be it. Lexa was feeling uneasy but decided maybe coffee might help.    
  
While walking downstairs however she took comfort in the fact that Clarke probably had some other memories come back to her, if she knew where the gallery keys were, how to get there and also some confidence of getting back home safe on her own. Lexa was grateful for small victories. 


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter 37**

Clarke had just turned the key in her gallery door and walked in when she was alerted of a text. Finally, Raven was up. 

“You’re surprised?” was Raven’s reply to Clarke’s text to her that read 

“Since you already know so much about my sex life, and I needed to tell someone… we had sex last night. Raven, I can’t remember how many times I came, but I'm sure it was more than 6 times.” 

Clarke looked at the reply from Raven. ‘you’re surprised?’ it read, and she couldn't help the blush that rose to her cheeks. 

“Let me guess, this isn’t a rare occurrence is it?” Clarke replied. 

“well, it’s not something that happens too often, but I can safely say there have been quite a few occasions I’ve received similar updates from you ;)” 

“Raven, my body’s aching in all the sweetest spots” Clarke typed out to her best friend. 

“Wow! that’s good to hear. Good Morning to you too” Raven replied. 

“I’m sorry, am I interrupting you and Anya” Clarke replied back, walking towards the door she knew she wanted to walk through today. 

“Nah, she’s not up yet. What about your girl?” Raven asked. 

Clarke thought for a moment, then checked her chat window with Lexa, there were no texts, but the messages had been read. She didn’t realize she was frowning until Raven sent another text. 

“Hello? have you started another rough with her or something? earth to Clarke?” Raven said. 

“Uh… no... I’m not at home. Raven, I'm at the gallery. I left early while Lexa was asleep, I just had this instinct feeling to come here and complete this one painting I know I had left incomplete for a while now” 

“you left without kissing your wife good morning or letting her know how you felt about last night?” 

When Clarke read this, her heart ached a little. she did that. 

“Shit. Raven I wasn’t thinking. It was pretty impulsive. I should call her right?” 

“Yea, I think you should. it’s Lexa. she overthinks just as much as you do” 

“Right. Geez I’m horrible. okay Raven, thanks, I’ll text you in a bit okay?”

Clarke called. thrice. But Lexa wouldn’t pick up. She took a deep breath and thought about her wife. Could she be angry? 

She sent another text. 

“Babe, call me when you see this okay?” Clarke sent. 

  
Clarke was too engrossed in her painting. She almost missed a call from Lexa when it finally came. 

“Clarke” Lexa said as soon as she picked. 

“Lexa, you called!” Clarke said, in relief. She didn’t realize how tense she was until she breathed a sigh of relief at hearing Lexa’s voice. she put down her palette and brush and properly held the phone to her ear, walking over to one of the windows 

“yea, I’m sorry, I got busy with the kids’ breakfast” 

“yea yea, sure, that makes sense, I’m sorry, I should have been there to take care of that with you, I don’t know what came over me when I woke up, I just had to get here” 

Lexa laughed. 

“What?” 

“Sounds just like you” Lexa said. 

“Really?” Clake asked, an amused smile on her lips. 

“Yea, it’s very like you to suddenly rush to your gallery to get to work.” Lexa sounded like she was smiling, so Clarke took it as a good thing. 

“How’s it going?” Lexa asked. and it took Clarke a moment to figure she was asking about her painting. 

“oh, the painting… yea it’s uh… actually… Lex, could you come by?” 

“Yes, sure. Do you need anything from home?”

“Yes” 

“Tell me, I’ll pick it up for you, have you left your favourite brushes or something here? I could bring lunch over too if you think you’re gonna be there long… Wait, have you had breakfast?” 

There were sounds from the other end of the call that Clarke figured Lexa was rummaging through her art drawer at home. She smiled to herself. Lexa was rambling away. 

“You. I need you.” Clarke said, a huge smile on her face and she felt Lexa’s surprise at that statement, even though they were a few miles apart right now. 

“Done, I’ll drop the kids off at school and be there soon.” Lexa said softly. And her voice sent goosebumps all over Clarke’s skin, memories of the earlier night resurfacing to her brain. 

Lexa then filled the silence between them by saying “I thought you would have had enough of me after last night” 

Clarke chuckled, she was glad Lexa couldn’t see her right now, her cheeks were flushed. She was a woman well into her adulthood, yet crushing and blushing over the words of a woman who was already her wife. Ridiculous. 

“I don’t think I’ll ever have enough of you, Woods” 

Lexa laughed loud and hearty. 

“Addressing me by our surname now, is it?” Lexa teased. 

“Be here soon, I really just want to kiss you.” Clarke admitted shamelessly

“Artists always find creative ways to tell you they want to use you” Lexa teased. and it really made Clarke laugh. 

“oh is that what you think I did with you last night?” Clarke challenged. 

“I don’t know” Lexa replied, still some jest in her tone. but Clarke couldn’t help but wonder if Lexa really felt bad about her not being there in the morning when she woke up. 

“Lexa… last night was…” Clarke began but was cut off when she heard Jake call out to Lexa saying Aden ate his cookie. 

“Babe, I gotta go, I’m sorry, we’ll talk once I’m there?” Lexa asked. 

“yes, of course, I’ll see you soon, I love you” Lexa said 

“I love…” but before Clarke could finish, Lexa had to cut the line. 

When Lexa walked into the gallery, using her spare key to enter, she found the place empty and quiet. Clarke was in the back room. She didn’t know if she could waltz right in there, maybe Clarke wanted some privacy if she was really in the zone. 

“Clarke? it’s me…” 

the door to the back room opened and Clarke peeked out, a huge smile donning her face. 

“Come here!” Clarke said and then disappeared again. So Lexa went over and entered, only to find Clarke going into the bathroom. Lexa guessed she’s probably gone to wash her hand. 

Lexa took a moment to look around. The tall walls were covered in canvases, all painted by Clarke. She wished she’d been here when Clarke entered this room this morning. Was it a surprise to her, seeing all of these paintings she’d created of her wife? Or maybe her memories of this place were back and she wasn’t really surprised. 

Lexa was too engrossed looking at one of the paintings to her right, she didn’t see Clarke walking right towards her, suddenly her lips were being kissed by Clarkes, two arms wound around her shoulders, and her breath was taken away, she almost dropped the paper bag in her hand, but then used her free hand to hold Clarke close to her. 

“What was this for?” Lexa asked with a sweet, warm smile, parting from her wife’s lips for just a second to ask the question. 

“So many things” Clarke said and continued kissing. 

“I got you breakfast,” Clarke smiled, took her hand and led her out to the front room. Lexa placed the paper bag on her desk and took out the coffee and a bagel. 

Clarke watched her every move. when she was done, she offered up the bagel to Clarke, Clarke looked at it, smiled took it from her and placed it down,

“I want to talk to you first,” Clarke said. 

“Sure, everything okay?” Lexa asked, concern in her features. 

Clarke reached for both her hands and held them, and then looked down for a second, gathering her thoughts and said. 

“I wasn’t thinking clearly when I…” Clarke began

Lexa’s face suddenly changed to one of worry and anxiety. It made Clarke stop mid-sentence. 

“Uh.. Clarke..it’s okay… I wish you’d said something last night...” Lexa said. 

“It didn't occur to me last night… I woke up and the feeling was so overwhelming” 

Lexa pulled her hands away from Clarke’s, and folded them across her chest. Clarke looked sad. 

“I’m sorry” Clarke felt she needed to say. 

“No, it’s alright… I uhhh… I understand... I’ll give you your space tonight… I’ll take the guest room.” 

“Wait. what? Lex?” Clarke looked utterly confused. 

There was silence between them. until Clarke realized that Lexa had completely misunderstood what this conversation was about. 

“oh my god, no. what are you talking about?” Clarke said, stepping closer and caressing Lexa’s face in her hands, the touch seemed to have calmed Lexa’s features, her eyebrows seemed to have relaxed, her whole body seemed to have calmed down. 

“I thought you woke up regretting that we…” Lexa began 

“NO! NO not at all, Lex!” Clarke hurried to kiss her, to assure her, to make her feel comfortable again. How could she think she would ever regret what they shared last night. 

“Okay, I went about explaining this all wrong.” Clarke said, chuckling. Lexa then allowed Clarke to hold her hands again, she stepped back so that she was half sitting on the edge of Clarke’s desk, and Clarke stepped forward to stand between her legs. 

“Let me start again. Lexa, last night was…” a blush rose to her cheeks again, and it was all Lexa needed to see. 

“It was, extraordinary…” Clarke finished with a laugh, and Lexa laughed too, her hands finding Clarke’s waist and lightly rubbing her thumbs on the material of Clarke’s t-shirt. 

“I felt, so loved, so cared for, so… one with you...” Clarke said.

Now it was Lexa’s turn to blush, she looked away, smiling to herself “Clarke, you’re my wife, you don’t need to tell me these things…” 

“No, but I do, because when I woke up this morning, my body ached in all the sweetest ways and there was one image on my mind, and I needed to paint it. I just needed to. I couldn’t stop myself from wanting to get out of bed and rush over here and just start on it…” 

Lexa laughed again 

“That brings me to... I’m sorry. I’m horrible for just leaving like that this morning. It didn’t occur to me then, that you may think I got freaked out or that I would regret it...” 

Lexa nodded, her gaze on Clarke's sincere blue eyes. 

“Yea, no, I did worry for a bit, but then I told myself not to jump to any conclusions until we saw each other and I could talk to you and make sure you’re okay.” Lexa admitted. 

“Oh I'm more than okay.” Clarke said, smiling, her gaze dripping to Lexa’s lips for a second. Lexa didn’t miss it. She rose up and kissed Clarke again, this time, things got heated. 

Their hands got explorative again, lips moved wildly against one another. 

“You’re like a drug” Clarke whispered between kisses. “I just don’t think I’ll ever get enough of you.” 

“I’m happy to hear that” Lexa smiled against Clarke’s lips. Suddenly, a low growl sounded out and they pulled apart. Lexa looked down and back up at her wife “I’m not happy to hear that though” 

Clarke laughed and reached out behind Lexa to find the bagel her wife had brought her. 

“Alright alright, I didn’t think about my empty stomach when I got out this morning.” Clarke said with an embarrassed chuckle. 

“Clearly” Lexa teased. 

Clarke grabbed Lexa’s hand in her free hand and tugged, “Come on, I’ll show you the painting.” 


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter 38**

Lexa picked Clarke’s coffee and allowed Clarke to lead her back in. 

“it’s already done” Clarke stopped then and turned to her 

“Funny story about that.” Clarke said. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Well, I kept seeing the image in my head when I woke up cause, well, it was an almost finished painting right before the accident.” 

“Really?” 

“Yea” 

“So you basically had the memory of it come back to you this morning” 

“well, it’s definitely a memory that came back, but not this morning, it probably came back last night… during..” 

“No way” Lexa said, sudden realization dawning upon her of what Clarke had probably painted. 

Clarke then hurriedly led her in. She let go of her hand halfway into the room, and watched Clarke go over to her easel. it was facing the other way. so Lexa waited. Clarke would show her. 

Clarke stood before her painting watching it, intently for a few seconds, she then looked up at her wife and said 

“yes, I think it’s complete” 

Lexa smiled. 

“Come here, baby” Clarke said. 

So Lexa walked on over, and the minute she came to stand beside Clarke, Clarke’s hand once more reached into hers and Lexa held it gently, but she felt her world turn upside down when her gaze fell on the canvas. 

Right there before her eyes was a painting of herself. The upper half of her naked body, in the throes of passion. Her eyes shut, her face to the side, her back arched, her face calm, yet so blissful, her hair gloriously spread across her pillow, the details, the way her eyebrow looked creased, yet not in discomfort, the way her breasts presented themselves upwards when her back was arched like that, 

“Clarke…” the name left her lips like a whisper. 

“How did you…” Lexa turned to look at her wife, and found Clarke was already staring at her face, her reaction. 

“You did say I was always wanting to paint you like this” Clarke said. 

Lexa chuckled, why were her eyes brimming with tears? “yes, yes I did” Lexa said. 

“Looks like I was already working it out before the accident happened, I came in today and just had to add a couple of finishing touches that I seemed to have observed very intently last night” 

Clarke took a bite of her bagel. 

“You’re beautiful” Lexa said to her, watching her chew, and Clarke almost choked on a laugh, after she had swallowed she said, “you’re not allowed to stand here and say that about me while I’m chomping down on a bagel, and you look this glorious early in the morning. and all the more with this painting before us. I’ve never seen anything more beautiful than you, Lexa." 

“The painting is beautiful, and I know it may sound biased coming from your muse, but I’m so in love with my artist, always have been, always will be.” 

Lexa leaned in and kissed Clarke’s forehead, letting her lips linger against her skin. 

“Come on, we’ll let you finish eating that, and then we can go home.” Lexa said. 

Clarke nodded, smiling and feeling utterly loved and cared for.  Home. Anywhere with Lexa felt like home. This gallery felt like home right now. It didn't before Lexa walked in. 

Lexa had taken a few steps ahead and was studying the walls 

“I don’t know if this painting is gonna fit anywhere here, maybe we should build a new wall partition or something…” Lexa was saying. 

“Lex” Came Clarke’s voice. But it sounded pained. 

The tone itself instantly brought Lexa a feeling of dread. Lexa quickly looked over to where she had left Clarke, munching on her breakfast, but she saw Clarke standing still, her eyes closed, the bagel fall out of her hand, and both her hands flew to hold her head. 

Lexa ran over and held Clarke’s elbows. 

“Baby? what’s wrong? Clarke?” Lexa asked, panic-stricken and so very worried. 

“It hurts! Lexa, it hurts so bad” Clarke had tears now, her face looked contorted in pain, Lexa hed her, 

“Okay baby, take a deep breath, let’s go downstairs, we’ll go to the doctor’s right away!” lexa said. 

Clarke nodded slightly, but she took one step and her whole body felt weak. 

Lexa felt it the moment Clarke stumbled,  “Clarke, are you feeling giddy?” Lexa asked, even as Clarke was beginning to fall into Lexa’s side. 

Lex quickly guided Clarke to sit, Lexa herself got down with her, letting Clarke lean against her as she crouched down beside Clarke. She quickly pulled out her phone and called the hospital. 

Abby rushed in and found Lexa sitting in the corridor to the hospital floor that Clarke was admitted on. 

“Lexa!” Abby called out to her. 

“Abby! you’re here!”

“What happened? How is she?” Abby asked. 

Before Lexa could answer, she saw from the corner of her eyes Raven was here too. Raven simply pulled her into a tight hug and Abby rubber Lexa’s arms soothingly. 

“She’ll be okay” Raven whispered. Lexa nodded. 

When Lexa pulled away, she explained. 

“She was fine, she’d gone to the gallery while I was still asleep, I took breakfast there for her a few hours later. She was eating when suddenly she complained of a serious headache. so I told her let's go see a doctor immediately, but she collapsed then, so I called the hospital…” 

Abby nodded, and then said, “Let me go see if any of the doctors will tell me how she is now, okay?” 

Lexa nodded and Raven brought her to sit down. 

“The kids…” Lexa looked to Raven .

“Aanya will get them. She’s at home with Jake right now.”

“Thank you” 

“Always, don’t worry about it” raven assured her. 

“ Are you okay?” Raven asked. 

“I’m not.” Lexa said, and took a deep breath. 

Raven stayed silent. 

“Did it look really bad?” raven asked. 

“She looked like the pain was immensely unbearable. I couldn’t do anything. Raven, I’m terrified.” Lexa admitted. 

“Nothing bad is going to happen, okay? I’m sure it must have been some odd reaction to something, maybe she took the wrong meds or something?” 

Lexa was about to say something when a doctor approached them. Abby who had been talking to another doctor excused herself and came over too. 

“Family of Mrs. Woods?” 

“That would be us.” Raven said. 

“Clarke is doing fine.” he said. 

Lexa could have fallen with the amount of relief she felt in that moment. 

“What she experienced was a severe migraine and it seems it caused her some dizziness too. We’re still trying to figure out the cause, but you can rest assured she’s not in pain right now.” 

“Can we see her?” Lexa asked, desperate to be by her wife’s side. 

“She’s asleep right now. Mrs Woods, I read in her file she’s been dealing with memory loss after an accident where she hit her head?” 

Lexa nodded. 

“I’ve paged her doctor from the incident to come check on her too, maybe he’ll be able to take over and diagnose her.” 

Lexa nodded. 

“You can see her, but I suggest you let her wake on her own. The pain killers were strong and she should rest.” the doctor advised. 

“Sure” said Lexa. “Thank you” Lexa said to him and then walked into the room to see her wife. 

She sat by her bed, watching her, she put a stray lock of hair back behind her ear and simply watched as her wife slept. 

Abby and Raven came in a little while later. Abby went to the other side and sat down, Raven stood beside Lexa and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. 

A nurse later informed them that Clarke's doctor was here and as soon as Clarke wakes up, he would come check on her. 

a couple of coffees and hours later, the sun was almost setting outside, leaving the room in a soft evening glow, when Clarke’s eyes twitched. Lexa saw it immediately. She let her hand gently find Clarke’s on the bed. 

“Clarke?” She asked softly, Abby and Raven’s attention was brought to Clarke’s slight movements now. 

“Lexa?” Clarke asked so meekly, so scared. 

“I’m right here baby, how are you feeling?” Lexa asked. 

“Tired…” Clarke said. Raven was already out the room to call for the doctor. 

“You had a really bad migraine baby…” Lexa explained to her wife.

“I remember…” Clarke said softly.

“You remember feeling dizzy and blacking out?” Lexa asked, now caressing Clarke’s face gently, wanting to offer all the comfort she could. 

“No… Lexa…” Clarke's eyes were open now, but she still looked so tired and out of it, but she was gazing into Lexa’s eyes, those baby blues so clear and beautiful as ever. 

Lexa heard the door open and could feel the presence of the doctor in the room now, she knew she’d be asked to back away so that he could examine her. 

“Lexa…” Clarke was saying something softly. 

“Yes Clarke, I’m here..” Lexa assured her. 

“I remember, everything…” Clarke said with so much sincerity and confidence in her eyes and just then a nurse placed her hand on Lexa's shoulder and urged her to step away so that the doctor could check Clarke and maybe ask her a few questions about how she was feeling. 

Lexa felt her heart beating so fast she almost felt like it could break out from her chest. 

Did anyone else hear what Clarke just said. Or did she just imagine that? 

When the nurse accompanied Lexa out, Lexa noticed Clarke was still staring after her even as she left the room, Lexa walked over to Abby and Raven and said two words. 

“She remembers” 

Abby looked at her confused. Raven reached out to hold her arm. 

“What did you say?” Raven asked. 

“She remembers” Lexa looked back at the door to Clarke’s room, and then back at the two women before her “Clarke. She said she remembers everything.” Lexa couldn't believe the words leaving her own lips. 

She didn’t realize it took needing to see the joy on Abby and Raven’s face for it to reflect on her own. she was suddenly wrapped in a tight and warm embrace from both women before her. And her whole body felt light. Like a weight was slowly being lifted off her shoulders. 

About 15 minutes later, the doctor walked out again. 

Lexa walked over to him 

“Doctor, how is she? is everything okay?” Lexa asked, her gaze shifting to the door, she wanted to just go in and see her herself. 

“Ms Woods, it’s lovely to see you again too.” he said in jest. 

Lexa realized she hadn’t really said anything to Clarke’s doctor ever since he showed up. 

“My apologies, but I’m sure you’ll understand, given the situation, I’m a little on edge today.” she managed a small smile. 

The doctor laughed but then continued “I won’t keep you longer, you can go see her, she’s doing fine.” 

Lexa didn’t care for more information, she simply nodded, said Thank you and was quick to rush back in but stopped right before she could push the door open and asked 

“Her memories?” 

the doctor smiled and said “I’ll let you discover for yourself.” 

When Lexa opened the door and walked over to Clarke, she didn’t need to be spoken to. Lexa could see it on Clarke’s face. 

She hastily took the last few steps and was reunited with Clarke in a deep kiss that communicated everything she wanted to say and couldn't find the words to say it with. 

“Oh Lex” there were tears, neither of them could tell who started crying first, but they were both crying and kissing. 

It was too overwhelming, every difficult moment they had seen over the last few months, all of it felt worth it, because they could have this, this moment right here. Clarke remembered everything. 

“You’re okay” Lexa said, maybe more for herself than anyone else. 

“I’m okay” Clarke assured “There are no more blank spaces in my head, Lex” Clarke said. 

Lexa nodded and kissed her again, kissed her head, her cheeks, then smiled through the tears and kissed her lips again.

she kept their foreheads connected, both their eyes closed “I love you, Clarke Woods” 

“I love you too Lexa Woods, Always.” 

“Alright love birds, it's our turn now” came Raven’s voice from the doorway. Lexa pulled away from Clarke and Clarke looked at her mom and best friend and smiled widely. 

There were hugs and some more kisses. When Clarke asked about her children, Raven assured her she had updated Anya and they were all coming over to see her right now. 

Clarke couldn’t wait to hold them. 

“So what happened? I don’t understand” Raven said. 

“I was just talking to your doctor outside, he said it’s possible something triggered your brain and caused a whole lot of your memories to come back at once, causing the migraine. and well your body wasn’t equipped to handle the pain, and that’s why you started to feel dizzy and collapsed.” Abby explained. 

“uhh… the painting triggered you?” Lexa asked, a teasing smile on her face. 

“what painting?” Abby asked. 

“Wait, a nude painting of Lexa triggered your memories?” Raven asked. 

“RAVEN! my mother is in the room.” Clarke scolded. 

Lexa laughed and Abby shrugged. 

“No,” Clarke said, looking at Raven, “It wasn’t the painting of you,” she looked at Lexa “as much as you would have liked it to be” she teased Lexa. 

Lexa took her hand and brought it to her lips and kissed it, smiling. 

“Then what was it?” Raven asked. 

“I don’t know, the last thought I had…” and then it seemed like Clarke was thinking for a moment. 

“it was about home.” she looked at all of them and then her eyes landed finally on Lexa. “and about how anyplace with you felt like home.” 

The room was silent. 

“So she does get credit then.” Raven said to lighten the mood and there was laughter as Lexa leaned in once more to kiss her wife longingly and beautifully. 

“You’re my home” Lexa said at her lips. 


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 39    
  
EPILOGUE

“So is Aden going to make it?” Anya asked from across the table as she passed on the bowl of salad to Lexa. 

“No, he thought he could. But he called yesterday saying he’s got too many assignments piled up and needs to complete them over the weekend” Lexa said as she received the bowl from her sister and served her wife’s plate first and then her own, and then passed it over to Costia. 

“I told him, if he would just manage his time and start his assignments the same day they’re given to him, he wouldn’t always be in this fix” Madi grumbled. 

“Oh come on, we’ve all done what he’s doing, admit it.” said Clarke, smiling to herself. “Lexa, you never completed your assignments in time either” Clarke teased. 

“I see your memories not only came back those years ago, but they came back in high resolution.” Lexa retorted in jest and everyone laughed. Clarke hit her playfully. and Lexa leaned in to kiss her cheek. 

“So… Charlie, do you have the same classes as Madi?” Anya asked. All eyes turned to the young woman sitting beside Madi.

“uhh no, I’m actually a year elder, we know each other through the football team” the girl spoke confidently. 

“oh that’s wonderful,” Anya said “I'm so glad Madi finally brought you along with her, she’s mentioned you a couple of times and we were all so excited to finally meet you” Anya said. 

“Thank you for having me over, I know this day was supposed to be an all-family day…” Charlie began

“Yes, that’s why you’re here, Charlie” Clarke said, reassuringly. The smile that came upon the girl's face was radiant. 

Everyone noticed Madi’s hand shifting, she was probably reaching out to hold her girlfriend’s hand under the table and it truly was sweet. 

Lexa looked over at Clarke and gave her a knowing smile. 

Madi had come out to them when she came home from college during her break between semesters. She told them that she’s started having feelings for a senior in her football team and that they had gone out on a few dates and it was simply magical. 

Of course Clarke and Lexa had been supportive of it from the get-go. And after they’d first met Charlie, they’d been reassured that their daughter had found a genuine person, with a big heart just like her own. 

This was the first time the rest of them were meeting her though, and Madi had expressed to Clarke and Lexa that Charlie had been super nervous to meet all of them. But from the minute she entered Raven and Anya’s home and was introduced to everyone, she’d been the sweetest, most charming personality and they could all see just how much she cared for Madi. 

“Well, thank you, once again, for having me, I’ve heard so much about each of you from Madi, it’s like I’ve known you’ll for years.” Charlie said. 

Raven laughed and replied “Well, good, at least we don’t have to worry about filling you in on all the drama.” 

They laughed and continued eating, all of them sharing stories and anecdotes, catching up on each others lives, Jake had grown older now too, he was sitting right beside Raven and Anya’s 2 and a half year old’s high-chair. 

Little Alice suddenly began to cry and Raven picked her out of her chair and tried to figure out what was wrong, cooing at her little baby girl and rubbing her back. 

“Jake, did you worry Alice?” Clarke asked her boy. 

“No momma, I swear it wasn’t me this time.” Jake said, throwing his hands up in the air. 

“It’s okay, she’s probably just tired.” Raven assured Clarke. “It wasn’t you, Jakey, don’t worry” Raven told the little guy. 

“Give her to me, I’m done with dinner anyway, I’ll keep her entertained while you guys finish up. and then I’ll bring you’ll dessert.” Anya said as she took baby Alice from her wife’s arms and walked into the living room. 

“I must say Raven, I really love what you guys have done with the place, it’s so beautiful. A total makeover from what we last saw when you’d just bought it and we came over for the house warming” said Lexa. 

“Well, I think all the paintings Clarke gifted us made all the difference.” Raven said, smiling at her best friend. 

Lexa looked over at Clarke too, ever with so much pride in her eyes. 

The doorbell rang all of a sudden and they heard Anya say from the living room, “I got that” 

Seconds later, heads turned to see Aden walking in with Anaya right behind him “Surprise” 

“OH MY GOD, baby, you made it” Clarke was the first to jump out of her chair to go hug her son, followed by Lexa, who ruffled his hair and said “why couldn’t you just tell us you were coming?” 

“Where’s the fun in that?” he said as he made his way over to his aunt Raven to kiss her cheek and give her a tight hug “I couldn’t miss this for the world, biggest family reunion ever, well except for grandma Abby and Kane.” he said. 

Clarke gave Anaya a hug and Anaya spoke “I hope it’s alright, I told him, we should have let you know before just showing up like this.” 

“Nonsense!” Clarke said, looking at the girl, “Just as we told Charlie, I’m saying it again to you, you’re as good as family.” 

Anaya smiled wide and then looked at Lexa who was waiting to wrap her in a hug. 

“How’s your mom and dad?” Lexa asked. 

“They’re well, thank you. Said to give both of you their regards.” 

Lexa nodded and Clarke smiled warmly. “Come in, have a seat, I’ll serve you both dinner” Clarke said as she placed a hand on Anaya’s shoulder and led her in to say hi to everyone else, faces she’d now grown so familiar with. S

he’d been dating Aden since school. They’d started dating a little after Clarke’s memories came back. Things finally seemed to be settling in Aden’s life and he decided he wanted to come clean to Anaya about his feelings for her, and right enough, she’d been feeling the same way for him all along. They’d been inseparable ever since. 

Their relationship called for some kind of understanding to grow between their parents too. And even though Echo was still one who didn’t know about the past, the rest of them decided it was best to just let the past go. 

Aden hugged his sister and then teased her about her girlfriend, to which Charlie sent a quick and savage remark right back at him, that had the whole table laughing at his disgrace. 

He then turned to Madi again and said “See this is why I like her for you. She’s savage enough to hurt my ego.” 

“No one has to try too hard to hurt your ego, Aden.” came Anaya’s retort as she sat down beside Madi and got to talking with her about their drive here. 

“Okay okay, sit down all of you, I’ll get you your plates” Clarke said. 

“I’ll come help you, mom” Aden said as he followed behind her to the kitchen.

Lexa stood by the doorway watching everyone here. Oh, how they’d all grown. Raven and Anya were happy. They’d finally started a family and Anya mentioned to her that Raven wanted to have more children soon. They were thinking of adopting their next. 

Lexa’s gaze shifted to Costia now, Costia had found a lover. A man who loved her to the ends of the earth. And who understood why and how much she cares for this family. He couldn’t come over today but he sent his love. 

Then there were her children. Aden and Madi were both off at college for most of the year, which gave them all the time in the world to spend with their little boy Jake. He was such a talented young fellow. While his academics weren’t too great, he excelled in every other extracurricular activity. He was musically inclined, wanted to learn the piano. and now his new interest alongside that was the violin. and Lexa had never been more proud than she was the day she heard him play at the school’s talent show. Clarke and her cried while watching him. 

As for her elder children, they’d both found love, hopefully for the long run. She knew not all love stories are like her own, where the highschool sweetheart becomes the lover for lifetimes, but as she watched Madi gaze at Charlie when she wasn’t looking, she could see in her eyes the same devotion she’d always had for Clarke. So she hoped they had the same or better fate. 

Aden and Anaya seemed tighter than ever. They were going strong and it almost seemed like Aden had eyes for no one else but Anaya Blake. And so what if the families had dramatic pasts, Lexa was willing to let all of that stay in the past if it meant her son could find happiness and love. 

Just then Anya walked in with Alice in her arms, “Lex could you hold her for a second, I just gotta go get dessert out of the fridge.” she said. 

“Sure” Lexa said as she took baby Alice in her arms and nuzzled her cheek, kissed her nose and made funny noises at her, trying to have a conversation with the little one who’d started to try and mumble and repeat sounds and words. she knew how to say 'mama' when prompted. but Lexa wanted to get her to say 'Lexa'. Revenge for when Raven got Aden to say ‘Rae-rae’ as his first words instead of momma. 

“Say Lexa, baby. Lek-sa” Lexa cooed at the little one. Just then Clarke came up beside her and leaned her head onto Lexa’s shoulder. 

“did you know she said Clarke today?” Clarke said. 

“WHAT?!” that’s not fair. I thought we’re teaching her to say my name.” 

“Well, I’m godmother, so she should know my name before yours.” 

Clarke lightly bit Lexa’s shoulder. 

Lexa smiled and then leaned in and kissed her wife’s lips. 

“This family’s huge.” Lexa said to her wife. 

“The bigger the better” Clarke said, her blue eyes gazing lovingly at Lexa’s green orbs. 

“Have you seen the way Madi looks at Charlie?” Lexa asked Clarke

“You see it too?” Clarke asked, excited. “Oh my god, I thought I was going crazy.” 

“You're not crazy. She looks at Charlie the way I look at you.” 

“yea, I noticed” Clarke said. 

“That’s a good thing right?” Lexa asked, now facing Clarke, holding little Alice closer and letting her rest her head down on her shoulder. 

“If it means they’ll experience the intensity of love and fierce protectiveness that you gave us, then yes, it’s a great thing.” Clarke said, her voice decibels softer and filled with so much depth. 

Lexa smiled. 

“Your love makes me who I am Clarke” Lexa said. 

Clarke chuckled, “Can’t you just take a compliment?” she teased and leaned in for a kiss,

“No wild kissing in front of the baby” Lexa warned, looking apologetic.    
  
Clarke looked around and said “I don’t see her parents watching us.” 

“The rebel in you can never be tamed, can it?” Lexa teased. 

“You tell me, or let's find out once we’re home tomorrow.” Clarke winked. 

Lexa felt her knees go weak. How. How was she able to do this even after all these years? 

“Besides, Anya and Raven did their fair share of making out in front of our little ones, so…” Clarke justified. 

Clarke leaned in all the way then and kissed her wife with all the love she could show her in that moment. 

“Oh my god, momma, it’s been forever, get over yourselves already.” Aden said from the table and all eyes were on them, smirking at their little moment. 

Lexa walked over to the table, holding Clarke’s hand and bringing her with her to sit with all of them.

“Never. Your mom’s too hot to resist.” Lexa said, wanting to annoy her son a little bit more.

Aden shut his eyes tight. “Okay, I don’t need that image.” Laughter erupted again and they all continued eating, sharing stories and love, happy to have one another, grateful that they could call one another family.    
  


“They’re really adorable, your moms.” Charlie said to Madi softly in her ear. 

Madi smiled, and stole a quick kiss from her girlfriend’s lips, it surprised Charlie, it was a bold move, kissing in front of so many of her family members. But if Madi was okay with it, she was okay with it. 

“We’ll be cuter.” Madi said to her and continued eating, smirking smugly. 

Charlie smiled. This family was really something. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story, right from the first part, to now, this sequel, has been a long journey for me. I'm happy you came along. Thank you for reading, for leaving your comments, feedback and love. I love keeping Lexa's memory alive through fanfiction and I hope that if you have any AU prompts that you'd like me to try, you'll share it in a comment below.   
Do let me know your thoughts on this last update or on this story as a whole in the comments below too.   
Lots of love, stay safe and healthy,   
-FD.


End file.
